Here we go again.

Okay, I’ve established that we need time with our boys/girls even after we hook up, and that the agreeable ratio is 2:5, where two days go to your girls/boys and 5 days go to your significant other, with some time inbetween for family commitments that you can drag your pals or partner to.

But now I have another question. How do you balance your platonics with your lover? And by lover I mean your missing/extra rib, not your bedmate.

Here’s the thing. Before you started dating/courting/whatever, you had this pal or pals of the opposite sex whom you could tell anything. He’s the guy you dragged shopping with you coz you needed a guy opinion about how that outfit really looks on you, and whether it will really knock your jamaa’s socks off. She’s the girl you tried out your cooking on before risking poison on your significant other, the one who helped you buy a girly gift for the new woman in your life.

This is the person you talked to about crushes, loves, heartbreaks, the works. They have a mental flowchart of proceedings between you and your lover from day one to the current. They have enough blackmail material to blow you out of the water, and you know they’ll never use it. You have done everything but sleep with them [and possibly you’ve done that too, but you are not ‘in’ them right now]

So now it’s official with you and your girl/boyfriend, what happens to this platonic confidante? Do they suddenly fade out of your life? Do you stop sharing intimate secrets with them? Do they back off now that there’s a new Number 1 in your life?

Or tuseme they have acquired a girl/boyfriend of their own. What happens now? I know there are some obvious do’s and don’ts. Like you can no longer call them at 2 am to console you, coz they’re in bed with someone else, and possibly preoccupied, pleasantly or otherwise. You can no longer invade their digs unannounced. You probably have to give back the spare key. And you can no longer drag them shopping for intimates, coz their S/O won’t like it very much.

But what exactly can you do? How do you handle this? Do you tell your S/O that you’re going for lunch with Jack/Jill, your tight pal, do you sneak around to avoid upsetting your lover, or do you stop the lunches altogether?

As the significant other, how do you respond to Jack/Jill? Do you make friends with them to avoid hostility and custody wars? Do you tag along on all their meetings with your S/O? Do you silently seethe with jealousy? Do you ban them from your radius?

You, as the platonic, how do you deal with the S/O? Do you give up all territorial rights to your pal? Do you back off unless or until your pal calls you? What do you do when you desperately need your girl/boy – do you call and let them decide where the line is by turning you down?

Let’s say it’s 3 am, I just had a big fight with my boyfriend, and I really need my boypal to hold me together. Or it’s Vals, and i need to test out my new little black dress. Do I call guy-pal? Or do I respect his girl’s feelings and sort myself?

There’s about a million nightmare scenarios.

1. The girlfriend is uncomfortable with our friendship and tells him to choose. I respectfully stop seeing or calling him. Six months later, it’s my birthday, and it won’t be the same without him, so I call the GFH [girfriend-from-hell] and ask to borrow my boy-pal for a night. She refuses. Do I ignore her and call my boy-pal up, coz I know he won’t say no to me, even though it will cause a major break-up level fight between them?

2. I need a date for a work thing, and he knows me so well, he’d be the perfect one. Do I ask his girl to let me borrow him, or go over her head and ask him myself, risking a major break-up level fight between them?

3. The S/O says I can’t spend any time with my boy-pal unless she chaperones. Do I play along and have her eavesdrop on tales of my latest backfired date, or do I see him behind her back – if he’ll let me – knowing it will cause a major fight of…

4. I am moving and I need him to help me shop for electronics and move my furniture. If I ask her, she’ll say no way. Do I ask him behind her back and…blah blah blah?

Mind you I have nothing against this girl, she’s a darling, and cute too. It’s just that she’s dating my boy, we’re both the jealous type, and I was here first so…

Common sense says don’t discuss your S/O troubles with your best platonic, coz you’ll probably end up in bed together. I mean you know each other really well, so when you start telling this human being (who knows you so well) about another human being (who doesn’t know you as well as they should), you’ll start comparing and things can get tricky.

Common sense also says to keep your S/O out of temptation’s way, which means don’t let them be alone with someone who knows them better than you do. But I imagine trust is something you can’t really fight – if someone wants to cheat, they will, no matter how tight or loose their leash is. People don’t cheat because they can, they cheat because they want to. So there goes your excuse for tagging along on your S/O’s dates with his/her pal for ‘security reasons’.

My longest Ex once told me that he wished I’d dated more before him, coz then I’d know how to do these things. He also told me to go out more and meet more people, coz I’m like the hermit of hermits. I haven’t really mingled much before the internet, and am only now starting to have friends and friends, so now that my friend, my go-to guy, is getting hitched, I’m wondering where the line is.

I mean this is the guy who guides me on everything from hotspots of the male anatomy to demystifying the sock drawer. The one who hugs me when I’m embarassed, and explains the rules of cricket so that I can impress my date. The one who cooks for me when I’m sick and drops everything to help me out. And no, he is not secretly in love with me [i asked, several times], though I am on-and-off-not-so-secretly in lo…I mean lust with him.

All ye of experience at handling these messes, help !

312 thoughts on “Platonic vs S/O – how does this stuff work?

  1. Hi there. I found your site by means of Google while looking for a comparable subject, your website got here up. It appears to be good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to come back then.

  2. I in addition to my buddies were actually looking at the best procedures located on your web blog and so all of the sudden I had a terrible suspicion I had not thanked the blog owner for those secrets. These people had been as a consequence glad to see them and now have seriously been having fun with these things. Appreciate your really being really helpful as well as for opting for varieties of fabulous issues millions of individuals are really wanting to discover. My honest regret for not expressing gratitude to you sooner.

  3. Hey very cool website!! Man .. Excellent .. Amazing .. I’ll bookmark your website and take the feeds also…I am happy to find numerous useful info here in the post, we need work out more techniques in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

  4. Awesome write-up. I’m a regular visitor of your blog and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the nice site. I’ll be a regular visitor for a long time.

  5. Hiya, I am really glad I have found this info. Today bloggers publish just about gossip and net stuff and this is actually annoying. A good web site with interesting content, this is what I need. Thank you for making this site, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  6. Hiya, I am really glad I have found this info. Today bloggers publish just about gossip and web stuff and this is actually annoying. A good site with exciting content, that is what I need. Thank you for making this website, and I’ll be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  7. Hiya, I’m really glad I’ve found this information. Nowadays bloggers publish just about gossip and web stuff and this is really irritating. A good web site with exciting content, that’s what I need. Thanks for making this site, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  8. Hi there. I found your site by means of Google whilst looking for a comparable topic, your site came up. It appears to be good. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to visit then.

  9. Hi there. I found your website by the use of Google whilst searching for a comparable subject, your website got here up. It appears to be good. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to visit then.

  10. Hi there. I discovered your web site by means of Google even as searching for a comparable topic, your site came up. It seems to be great. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to come back then.

  11. One more thing. It’s my opinion that there are lots of travel insurance internet sites of respected companies that let you enter your vacation details and have you the estimates. You can also purchase an international travel insurance policy online by using your current credit card. All you need to do is to enter your current travel details and you can begin to see the plans side-by-side. Merely find the plan that suits your budget and needs and then use your credit card to buy them. Travel insurance on the internet is a good way to do investigation for a reputable company pertaining to international travel cover. Thanks for discussing your ideas.

  12. Hiya, I am really glad I’ve found this information. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossip and web stuff and this is really irritating. A good website with exciting content, that is what I need. Thank you for making this web site, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  13. Hiya, I am really glad I have found this info. Today bloggers publish only about gossip and web stuff and this is actually irritating. A good blog with interesting content, this is what I need. Thank you for making this web site, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  14. Hiya, I am really glad I’ve found this information. Today bloggers publish just about gossip and net stuff and this is really frustrating. A good site with interesting content, that is what I need. Thank you for making this web-site, and I’ll be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  15. Awesome write-up. I’m a normal visitor of your blog and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the excellent site. I will be a frequent visitor for a long time.

  16. Hiya, I’m really glad I have found this info. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossip and web stuff and this is actually frustrating. A good website with exciting content, that is what I need. Thanks for making this web site, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  17. Hiya, I am really glad I’ve found this info. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossip and net stuff and this is actually irritating. A good website with exciting content, that’s what I need. Thank you for making this site, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  18. Awesome post. I’m a normal visitor of your site and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the excellent site. I’ll be a regular visitor for a really long time.

  19. Awesome post. I’m a normal visitor of your web site and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the nice site. I’ll be a regular visitor for a long time.

  20. Hiya, I’m really glad I’ve found this info. Today bloggers publish just about gossip and web stuff and this is actually frustrating. A good website with interesting content, this is what I need. Thank you for making this site, and I’ll be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  21. Awesome write-up. I am a regular visitor of your web site and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the nice site. I’ll be a regular visitor for a really long time.

  22. Awesome post. I am a regular visitor of your blog and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the excellent site. I’ll be a frequent visitor for a really long time.

  23. Hey there. I discovered your web site via Google at the same time as looking for a comparable topic, your web site got here up. It appears great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to visit then.

  24. Awesome post. I’m a normal visitor of your web site and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the nice site. I will be a regular visitor for a long time.

  25. Awesome write-up. I am a normal visitor of your web site and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the nice site. I’ll be a frequent visitor for a really long time.

  26. Awesome write-up. I’m a normal visitor of your blog and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the excellent site. I will be a frequent visitor for a long time.

  27. I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an shakiness over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again as exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this increase.

  28. Hi there. I discovered your site by way of Google whilst searching for a comparable topic, your site came up. It appears to be good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to come back then.

  29. Hello there. I found your web site by means of Google at the same time as searching for a comparable subject, your web site came up. It looks great. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to come back then.

  30. Hiya, I’m really glad I’ve found this information. Today bloggers publish just about gossip and net stuff and this is actually annoying. A good web site with interesting content, that is what I need. Thank you for making this website, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  31. Hiya, I am really glad I’ve found this info. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossip and net stuff and this is really irritating. A good website with exciting content, that’s what I need. Thank you for making this website, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  32. Hey there. I discovered your website by way of Google while looking for a comparable topic, your web site got here up. It appears good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to visit then.

  33. Awesome write-up. I am a normal visitor of your blog and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the nice site. I’ll be a frequent visitor for a really long time.

  34. There are certainly a variety of particulars like that to take into consideration. That could be a nice point to convey up. I offer the ideas above as general inspiration but clearly there are questions just like the one you deliver up where a very powerful factor will be working in trustworthy good faith. I don?t know if best practices have emerged around issues like that, but I’m sure that your job is clearly identified as a good game. Each girls and boys really feel the affect of just a moment’s pleasure, for the remainder of their lives.

  35. Hiya, I’m really glad I have found this information. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossip and web stuff and this is really irritating. A good blog with exciting content, this is what I need. Thank you for making this website, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  36. Awesome post. I am a regular visitor of your website and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the excellent site. I will be a frequent visitor for a long time.

  37. You can definitely see your expertise in the paintings you write. The arena hopes for even more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe. All the time follow your heart. “Man is the measure of all things.” by Protagoras.

  38. Have you ever considered creating an e-book or guest authoring on other websites?
    I have a blog based on the same ideas you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I
    know my visitors would value your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an email.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.