A strange argument is going on inside my head. I’m wondering if I really need a SO [significant other]. I mean I am a hopeless romantic, so I’m always up in the clouds daydreaming about finding that perfect someone with great hair and green eyes who totally gets me and thinks everything about me is amazing.
I do have the vision that every woman [allegedly] has of my perfect wedding dress and tiara and motorcade of land rovers and beetles [I toy with the idea of brides in gypsy and grooms in biker mode – the girls dress bohemian and the guys wear jeans and leather – I wonder if I can convince princess to live that out for me when she gets married…] And of course getting married is the thing to do. It’s expected, it’s natural, it’s biological, it’s just done. But now I’m thinking – for why?
I’m thinking about the basics. People couple so that they can get married, and people get married – well – because! After you’ve done everything else society just assumes the next step is marriage. If you have everything else you want – a career, a house, a car, it’s a natural progression to get a spouse, no? At least that’s what the parents [and grandparents, and annoying relatives] think.
So, why get married?
- To start a family and have kids. Check.
- To pool resources for stuff like acquiring property i.e joint mortgage, buying land, starting a multi-million dollar enterprise, tending to emergency rela crises etc. Hmm, I think my finances are fine as is, so I’ll cross that target out.
- For companionship; to have somebody to consistently hang out with, someone to come home to. Er…I’m a hermit, and I have princess, and my best friend [at least until he gets married to someone else] so I don’t really need that.
- To please the relas. Eh…I’ve never been much good at that, no need to start now.
- Pro coitus. No comment.
- To have someone to pamper me and take care of me. Hmm, that’d be nice, but I do a fairly good job on my own.
- To not be lonely. Hmm, can’t argue with that, it’d be nice to have someone cuddly to share my vals and birthdays and Christmases and stuff.
So, out of 7 valid reasons to hitch, I only really go for one. I can’t see how an occasional pang is worth all the grief of in-laws and shared responsibilities and joint decisions and all that lovely stuff. Plus I have a busload of anti-marriage cons.
I’m sure marriage is great for some people who actually like company when they live, you know, having someone to bounce your ideas off [best friend is great for that], having someone to do the chores and take care of the babies while you build your career, having someone to look pretty for and get all dolled up [if he notices], having someone to hold you when you cry and cheer you up when you’re sad and look after you when you’re sick [again, best pal does that beautifully – until he gets a girl, then I’m in dogs].
I hear it’s cool to have someone to share your life with, to spend your life with, but that starts to sound like romantic hoopla. Coz in honesty, what do you really share? Cash, decisions and relatives. Okay, okay, you share time too, you hang out together and do fun stuff together and share experiences and ideas and…you know, things.
Me, me I like to walk in museums alone, and read books alone, and write writings alone and stare at the stars alone and daydream alone and…well, my hobbies aren’t the kind you need to share. Except maybe a backpacking, offroad driving world tour in which I would visit museums alone and chase butterflies alone and wander hidden streets alone and find pretty antique shops alone and…
I always said the only reason I’d ever marry is for love. But I notice it’s not on that list. I mean so I love him, so what. Doesn’t mean we have to marry. I mean what do we gain from marriage that we don’t already have, except in-laws? And a probability of growing bored with each other and falling out of love and making each other miserable? Marriage isn’t what it used to be. Zamo it was for life, so no matter what cut, through poverty and wealth, impotence and cheating, abuse and routine, people stayed married coz there was no escape clause. These days if it doesn’t work, you walk, so there’s no forever there.
Of course there’s a possibility that I’m just afraid to fail again, that I’m scared it won’t work out. That I’m scared of exposing myself again when so few people think like I do, that I’m spooked about pouring my heart out and having him laugh or stare puzzled at the incomprehensible alien that is me.
That leaves dating. Again, I’m wondering why. I can call my pal on any rare occasion that I want to go out, I generally prefer staying in, and I don’t need a tall dark and handsome companion to enjoy my books, music or DVDs. So apart from sex, I see no need for a SO.
Finding the love of my life would mean I have to spend all my time with him, fit princess into his schedule, spend on scratchcards and gifts, worry about pointless things like organizing his birthday party and buying him stuff, get upset when he doesn’t call or forgets anniversaries, get jealous of all other females…I’m not seeing that this has any benefits beyond that goofy grin and that alleged feeling of being happy all the time.
I mean sure it feels great to giggle every time he texts, or to have my heart stop each time I hear his voice, but yenyewe I can get an equivalent kick from whichever rock singer I currently have a crush on.
Oh dear, I think I’ve gone full cynic! Pay no attention to me. Happy coupling!
Joke of the day:
“I saw an old man in Central Park doing Tai Chi, and I thouhgt ‘that’s beautiful.’ But then I got closer and realised it wasn’t an old man doing tai chi, it was one of those heroin guys who never fall over.”