I’ve just grabbed a fanta from the office cooler and realised it’s already open. Somebody uncapped the bottle-top then slammed it back on. The innocent in me says a client made a wrong order, and that the guy in charge of sodas didn’t want to waste the drink. The cynic in me is hoping it isn’t spiked, wondering why it tastes fishy, and hoping this weird dizzy feeling is all in my head…

I was listening to the Friday sermon from the mosque across the street, and I couldn’t help giggling. First, the crowd were blasted for salamu za kimtandao. The speaker was annoyed that his people greet each other with vipi, mambo, and even the utterly blasphemous [you could hear it in his voice as he said it]  Haaiii!! There is only one prescribed greeting that is acceptable, according to him…and I won’t try to pronounce it.

This guy is hard. I mean he convinced his audience to raise their sadaka from 30K to 150K, just by heckling their meanness. Their collection plate is usually open, so he looked at it and made such scathing comments about the VXs parked outside and the Gucci shoes at the door that people dug deeper.

Then he said a mosque at this address can’t possibly raise less than 60K, and went on handaing till they gave 150. When this dude talks people listen. Next he attacked the whole idea of Vals. After all, he said, if you have to wait the whole year for this one day to show your love, you must be a moron for not loving her the rest of the year.

Now I’m a born romantic, so I love vals, even though I’ve never had a ‘real’ one. The closest I got was last year when the office janitor was asked to throw away some week-old red roses, and instead gave one to every girl in the office, complete with soda bottles filled with sugar syrup to put the flowers in.

I’m not the type that asks for candle dinners and giant bouquets [i won’t refuse milk chocolate though] or anything like that. I rarely wear red on the day, though lately I like the colour, so I might. It’s just that I’m wondering why people put so much energy into blasting vals.

Okay, so it’s commercial, and puts pressure on guys to be ‘romantic’, and most people think it’s fake. But think about it. On easter, people take spring breaks. On christmas, people buy trees. On birthdays, we throw parties and eat cake. None of those rituals have anything to do with anything, so what’s one more? If the day you were born is an excuse to dress up and get drunk, then what’s so wrong with having one day in a year that’s an excuse to show love?

People are alive everyday, and people love their friends everyday. They don’t value them any more or less on their birthdays, but they do go out and spend money buying rounds or presents. So why is vals so different? You love your dear all year long, why is it so bad to take one day to show it in a special way?

Just asking.

Don’t be humbug, that is so last year. Give your love a rose. It doesn’t mean much to you, but it just might make their day.

Besides, according to Kirima, there’s a sale on edible underwear in the classifieds…you just might get lucky 😉

PS: the unofficial rose code states that:

  • One rose means I only have eyes for you [and works better for chicks like me who don’t dig flowers except with a trowel and spade]
  • Many roses mean niliona offer
  • Red means let’s get naughty [or alternately, i’ll kill the next guy that looks at you]
  • Orange [and peach, depending on the intensity of the feeling] means I have a crush on you
  • Yellow means let’s just be friends
  • White means let’s not fight anymore
  • Pink means love, love, beautiful love
  • Black means go jump off a cliff
  • Purple means I’m such a geek I’m into cloning, but you’re kinda cute
  • Blue means one of us is totally high on cheap sawdust, but I sure hope I can score tonight
  • And carnations are totally out of the question!!

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    7 thoughts on “The spirit of anti-valentine

    1. Dang, they go that hard in mosques?

      they do in this one

      That’s some funny stuff! Whatever happened to threats of eternal damnation?

      i think that’s a church thing

      I must admit I’m not huge on Vals. But then again, I never had a valentine like 90% of the time over the years so I kinda got desensitized to it. But I feel you tho – it isn’t so bad.

    2. Valentines isn’t a bad Idea but I wouldn’t suffer too much over it. If your partner values you he/she will show affection daily.
      Ahem thanks for the dubious distinction of marketing edible undies a thought came to mind when you buy a pair for your significant other do you do it for their benefit or for your own?

      hehehe, i ask the same question about all lingerie 😉

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