Interesting that ever since I started my little sanguine trip, I feel more expressive. I feel like I actually want to be out there meeting interesting people. I feel like if I was in Nai tonight, I’d wear a party dress, call up a pal with wheels, fuel it up for them, hit the town to paint it burgundy.
I don’t want to get drunk or anything, I just want to go to some party somewhere, pick out a gorgeous random stranger, talk to him, dance with him, get to know him, and who knows, maybe even get a phone number or two.
Or maybe it is just orange season, hehehehe.
I am liking this new me. I don’t know where she’s come from and I don’t know why I suddenly feel like a bright yellow fairy-flower. It’s like Elina trying out her wings. Maybe it’s my new friend and namesake Kipepeo rubbing off on me.
Or maybe I’m just hitting a new phase in my ever evolving persona. I don’t feel like I’ve really changed as such. I’m still an introvert. I still love my books and my music and my me-time. But I also feel less absorbed, less private, more free somehow.
I don’t want to go to a million socials or get networked or make contacts, I just want to meet some new, fascinating people, and I’m no longer afraid to risk being laughed at, brushed off or rejecetd. I think that’s the real difference – I’m not scared anymore. I’m no less INFJ, but I am a lot less I. I feel like anything can happen, and I’m excited by all the possibilities.
I don’t have a social life in Dar. It doesn’t bother me, coz I just never felt the need for one. I never felt the pull to go places and do things till now. I don’t know quite what caused this, or how or even if this new ‘spirit’ changes anything. I still have a pretty punishing work schedule, and a baby to raise, one who gets upset if I work too late and stay out too long. So I doubt that I’ll suddenly start nightlifing or clubhopping.
But it’s fun thinking about it, and feeling this … difference. It’s good to know that I actually want to do that now, that I finally feel pulled to widen my circle, to share myself with people offline.
It’s great to poke-poke my cocoon and be aware of the world outside, curious about it even, in a way I’ve never been before. It’s great to be tempted – really tempted – by the Jamshid’s of this world. It’s such a fresh breeze, and it feels absolutely wonderful. I just hope it doesn’t carry me right into trouble.
And to you **pointing** just in case you get to read this, though I’m pretty sure you won’t, I am sorry, and I hope you’ll forgive me someday and be my friend again. I know that’s unlikely, but hey, this is me actually wishing someone I know was having a party tonight. So miracles can happen, yeah?