Disclaimer : This is a very girly post, so the boy[ish] among you might want to skip it.
Yes, all the links go to the same place, that’s how much I like it 🙂 Nobody ever follows links, and I should probably have just copy-pasted the thing here. But I figure the woman has her own blog, so why drag it here? Plus, if I link it this many times, you’re bound to click on at least one, yeah?
I watched a scene in ER once where an old wife was dying. They were both so old and frail, wobbling when they stood. The woman’s face looked like crumpled tissue, all delicate and transparent, like the light was shining right through, ready to disintegrate. I kept thinking of those vampire and mummy movies where the sun comes out and the creature just poofs into wispy whiffs of dust.
I remember thinking, I don’t ever want to look like that. I want to die young and vibrant and bouncy, with the gummiberry juice of life still zooming through me. I know that makes me shallow and vain. Umia **wink**
Back to ER, in that scene, her husband was telling the Doc “You should have seen her when she was younger, she was beautiful.” He describes her hair and her blush and her smile with such passion and … nostalgia? I thought his voice held regret, I thought he was sorry to see her the way that she was. I thought he was longing for the pretty girl of his youth, and that he was sorry to be left with this … thing that she had become.
In that moment I swore I’d never [re?]marry. I was like I don’t want some man, 20 years later, to look at me and wish he could go back in time. I don’t want to look into the eyes of the man I love and to see them looking back at me, wondering how he had got himself into this, wondering how he ended up with this.
I know most men do, eventually, hence the ndogo ndogo, the mid-life bimbo, and the post-college divorce when the kids grow up and leave home. Hence also the cougar and the stella-getting-groove-back. I don’t want that. I’d rather end up alone and happy. Or die with ageless beauty. Just like Cleopatra.
In case you still didn’t get it, click —–> here.