It’s been an interesting day. Trying, and surprising, in many ways.
I’m speechless. That doesn’t happen often. I can’t find the words to express what I feel. A friend says I get drama because I seek it. Perhaps I do. But I think sometimes, drama seeks me.
I got some really pretty shoes today. Yay! Met up with family, had some coffee and cake, met some interesting people, discovered T-spot. That was fun. Got a hula hoop for Princess. I don’t know how to use it, so I hope she knows how to learn.
I got a lot of phonecalls, and I made a lot of phonecalls. Some good, some bad, mostly happy, some sad.
I was misunderstood again. I don’t know why this still surprises me. It doesn’t really matter what I mean to say, or how I try to say it, sometimes it just comes out wrong, and once that happens, I can’t change someone’s mind.
I made some new friends today, and lost some old ones, and that’s what hurts the most. I know what I’ve lost, but I don’t know who. My words are locked up in my chest, and I’m afraid to let them out. I don’t feel safe anymore.
Today, somebody took my trust away, and they have no idea what they did, or how deep they cut me. I feel about five inches tall, yet all I did was speak my mind to people I thought were my friends. I was wrong, so very wrong.
I can only be me. I know that causes trouble, but it’s all I know how to do. Most days I love to be me, but not today. Not today.
I’m glad I came home. But in some ways, I’m sorry I came home. And that’s really sad, because I worked so hard for this break, and it sucks that it’s turned out like this. I want it all to go away.
I could just delete everything like I always do when stuff like this happens. But I think three times is enough. This time, I can’t sweep it under the blogger feed. I can’t close that door and ignore it, I can’t pretend not to feel.
I lost something today. I sure hope I can get it back.
The saddest thing of all is this. I once thought you were the sweetest person I’d ever known. Now, I just wish I’d never met you. I’m really sorry.
I don’t want you to forgive me, because I don’t think you will ever understand. I just wish I could somehow forgive myself.