Disclaimer 1: Ladies, I know how I hate it when guys do this, but after today, I’m cutting my boy some slack. I’ll even give him Megan … but only with his hands cuffed firmly behind his back and chained to a really reeeaaallllly big pole with the zipper wired shut.

But then again, he can pick locks. Damn.

Disclaimer 2: Guys … move along, nothing to see her.

**rubbing hands** Now then.

My latest hobby is hating on Twilight.

Well, actually, it’s reading people hating on Twilight.

Let it be said that I have neither read the books nor watched the movies, but it is just soooooo fun reading the people that have.

Now, not to trivialise the matter. I have some serious concerns about Princess reading that Sparkly Vampire book and thinking it’s cool to have a quote-unquote controlling boyfriend that throws her through a glass table. I mean, we are raising a culture of women who think it’s cool and – goddammit – romantic[!!!] when men are abusive. How now?

[and, I note with much curiosity, that none of the haters say exactly how or why Vampire boy threw Swan girl through a table…]

[and, isn’t it so much more fun to actually write quote-unquote than to use the ” ” signs?]

[and, girls thinking it’s cool to love two boys who try to commit suicide coz they’ve lost her … er … noooo?!]

[and, I have no clue why, but the whole idea is just so erotic! I don’t mean the throwing of people through tables and such, but the whole idea of the girl being a ┬ávirgin until marriage, and then having a wedding night with a guy who could kill her, literally, in more ways than one … apparently his vampire strength could kill her human body during … you know … that one. Now, call me a pervert, but that brings a whole bunch of ideas into my head. I admit, I’m curious to read the wedding night scene…]

[and, I suppose I should give them props for making abstinence sexy. But they sorta cancelled that out by making male domination sexy too, yeah? And there’s that whole throwing glass tables thing…]

Anyway, go out and buy the books. Make the woman richer than JK Rowlings *wink* [then I can borrow your copy coz I just know I’ll be pissed off if I spend actual real money on this book…]

But all ranting done, I can only say this.

I have spent an entire afternoon looking at pictures that have put me firmly in Team Jacob. Forget the morals, forget the jail-bait factor [can you say cougar?!?!] forget the books, forget the movies, forget that he is dating Taylor Swift…

[Hang on … isn’t it a little weird dating somebody who shares your first name? I mean I know they could eventually share their last name … which is even more weird …]

[and, I’ve been reading this stuff all afternoon – why am I just noticing this now?]

[and, they met on a film shoot – how did the rest of the crew know which Taylor to call?]

[and, mustn’t nini-ing get a bit confusing with you both calling out the same … oh, never mind.]

Still … would you just look at him?! GOD!! Isn’t he just beautiful?!

Yes, those are all different pictures.

I have heard it said that his body is pretty much porn.

Does that make me a … wait … how old is he again?

Don’t worry Sailor, you’re still my Number 1. I wouldn’t do him or anything, I’m just drooling looking, honest.

Ooh ooh ooh … Edward on a stick.

And then, more Edward on a stick.

Do people ever actually click on the links?

Ooh ooh, so Bella Swan has made Wuthering Heights cool. Yeah, I knew that already, it’s only my favourite book of all time! I have three separate editions of it, that’s how much I love the book. Meh, maybe Swan girl ain’t so bad after all.

But wait … they’re going to make a movie about it starring an almost-teenage Heathcliff. Aw crud.

PS: My Life is NOT Twilight, as opposed to, you know, this.

Oh, there’s also a book about a succubus who works in a bookstore. By Richelle Mead.

Not Michelle Read.

He he he!

Edit

I’ve just watched the official New Moon trailer, and finally saw the glass table context. Hmph. New hateration: why did the bad vampire with the cool name have to be black and dreadlocked? No fair. I have effectively been cured of all desire to watch the movie, and m[l]ost interest in reading the book.

But still, Jake, my GOD, that child is SO beautiful!!

2 thoughts on “Team Jacob!!

  1. Are you kidding me?????? U must read the books, they are sensational far better than the movies although the visuals of Jacob are wow…ok I will say no more. That bit about the glass table to totally wack cos its all about protecting her, nothing to do with abuse jeez some people should lighten up.

    Sorry to put a dumper on this one but the honeymoon scene aint all that it just plays with ur mind about what is happening. I must admit was abit obsessed read the four books in under two wks

    I’m seriously considering it ­čÖé Are they available at TBC?

  2. I havent go the forgiest idea what TBC wud be sweetheart but u cud get them on amazon think the prices should be slashed with the xmass hype

    TBC = Text Book Centre. Will check out Amazon for offers too, thanks!

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