I’m a big fan of the original Ally McBeal. You know, the part before it got silly and Billy went platinum blonde. [Though I have to admit, I liked the platinum blonde.] I’ve bumped into some episodes on Fox TV and it got me thinking about my theme song. I hadn’t really decided on one until today.
I’ve always liked the song ♫ Imagine me ♫ by ♫ Kirk Franklin ♫ I knew it was a gospel song because duh, it’s Kirk. I knew I liked the piano bits and that something in the beat truly touched me. But I’d never listened to the words, so it was just a song I abstractly adored.
Today I was moping around feeling down. The Bad Ex won’t leave me alone, and I really wish he’d just go away. After everything he put me through, the least he can do is give me peace. Milord SamSam gave QQ some advice yesterday that applies. He said people vent online when they’re not being heard offline. It’s difficult to speak to someone who refuses to hear me.
I see him on the street and cross over to the other side, because I’m shaking with rage and if I meet him face to face, I just might slap him. He decides I crossed because I still want him and was afraid to show him how I really feel. All I want is for him to shut up, listen, and go far, far away. That’s the best thing he can do for me.
Sometimes, you hear a song and it speaks to you so deeply it hurts. For me, that happens a lot, and it happened to day. I was listening to Kirk, and I decided to Google the lyrics. It’s like the boy was speaking right to me! Okay, maybe not the boy, since the boy doesn’t actually sing anything. He just does a little speak-rap at the end.
There are lines in that song that speak directly to where I’m at now. It’s like they’re singing right to me, right at me, and it’s beautiful. It helps that the harmonies are yummy and the drums are awesome.
There’s another reason why this is now my theme song. I’m in love with someone, someone I probably shouldn’t be in love with. I have been for a long time now, but I never admitted it. I know he feels the same way, and it’s a beautiful thing. I don’t know if this love will ever blossom, or if it will grow into anything else. But when I listen to this song, I hear my love speaking to me.
Now, of course, he would never do anything as sappy as a serenade, and I’d be mortified if he tried it. I suspect he has a lousy singing voice. But when Kirk & Chorus sing the words, they don’t speak of a God. For me, they speak of the boy that I love, the boy who told me for years that he adored me, and I was too scared and ashamed to believe it.
I am grateful for the love that I have in my life. I am grateful that he has made me cry, but that he also makes me smile. I am honoured to be his love, and even if nothing else ever works out, for now, that’s more than enough.
♫ Imagine me ♫ Kirk Franklin ♫