Apparently, there’s this episode on The IT Crowd where Jen has to make a presentation to the rest of the company, so Moss and Roy give her a box and tell her it’s The Internet. When she makes her presentation, Moss and Roy are surprised that nobody is laughing. Turns out everyone else thinks the box really is The Internet.

I haven’t actually watched this episode. I started watching IT Crowd the same time I started watching Big Bang Theory, but I didn’t get into the former. Actually, I didn’t get the former, though both were recommended by my baby brother.

Here’s the thing. IT Crowd is hilarious to those who understand it. But me, I’m like the people in Jen’s presentation. The jokes aren’t jokes. They’re real life. So each time some Support guy giggles over questions that are asked, I frown in puzzlement and say,

‘You know, I asked that once.’

And I still don’t get how you can fix machines by turning them off and on again. It works, I’ve seen it work, but still!

I’ve always wanted to be a geek. I think they’re hot. I get super excited to hear geekinese. It’s not so much the language – it’s more the way they light up. Geeks are often socially awkward. They may not be the stereotype nerds, but they sit quietly as you talk about – oh … I don’t know … Britney Spears? But the second you mention gigs, bits, and apple, they’re like a jock at a soccer match. It’s adorable.

I’ve always wanted to understand what they say when they start with the geekspeak, but I’m content to watch their eyes dancing. Plus, geeks are really good in bed. At least the ones I’ve had were.

That aside, I try to be a she-geek. It’s hard because I’m slow with these things. I’ll see a geek do something cool and get him to explain it – in English. But they can’t really do that because what’s obvious to them isn’t obvious to me. I once tried to get a buddy to show me how to get my comp to stop making strange noises. We were on G-talk, and the conversation went something like this.

Him: Have you checked the oiuoijoiypiu?

Me: oiuoijoiypiu?

Him: Yes. It’s the one that runs the rtftretrd on the trdtdtrs.

Me: trdtdtrs?

Him: You don’t know? Okay look, why don’t you click on the polkpokpoi and see if theutuytiuyr is working?

Me: theutuytiuyr?

Him: Yes, it’s the little blue button next to the i87887987.

Me: i87887987?

Him: I’m going to bed.

[One day, I shall find my very own geeky love who finds my blondeness cute.]

Thing is … I pick up on things fairly fast, so if the geek is patient enough to teach me, I’ll be doing it like a boss. Then the next time a pal gets stuck on their machine, I will casually throw around the iuyhpyu and the 7yiuhliuy8 and they will think I’m some kind of binary genius. I have friends who think I’m a whizz with computers. Poor suckers.

I remember explaining Twitter to a pal once. A week before, we’d both been n00bs [aw crud, it doesn’t work on Georgia. Meh.] But after Sessions with Geeks, I explained my lessons to my pal using big words like aggregator, client, and url shortener. I could see his  jaw drop miles away.

I often call myself the Queen of Technobofia, because I’m aware of the gaffes that I’ve made. I especially feel that way when my computer won’t go on. I call my baby brother wailing, he comes over, touches the machine, and it wakes up. I still insist he has traces of Micah Sanders in his blood.

There are things I can do for myself. I can post links, images, and youtube videos. I can explain why wordpress is better than blogger [though I really don’t get tumblr]. And I put some cheeky text into my comments thingie – though I really can’t remember how I did it. It had something to do with code, xml editors,  and Google. I have no idea what any of those are. Except for Google. Still, I’m far from pulling stunts like this. This would be so cool.

Anyway, this morning, I bumped into this story. A geek had his laptop stolen, so he accessed it remotely, found an embarassing video of the thief, and posted it on youtube.

First off, the video wasn’t all that embarassing. Compared to me, the guy dances quite well. Second, I wondered if it was a hoax. Can you actually get onto someone’s computer and pick off videos and files? Really? I posted the question on Twitter and got zero response.

[People on Twitter are interesting. Sometimes, I’ll post a trivial question and get 10 responses in five seconds. Other times, I’ll post something importnat and hear … pindrop. I wonder what the criteria is.]

I wondered if someone could access my machine. There’s a lot of stuff on here that I wouldn’t want on youtube. I also wondered about wireless safety. People always say it doesn’t work, but I wonder what you can do with it. I mean … if someone breaks your password, they can use internet without paying. That’s the worst they can do … right? They can’t get my details and access my house keys … right?

You’re probably wondering why I’m so worried. It’s not that my laptop is stolen or anything, but it’s had at least five previous owners, and I’m concerned that one of them might be watching while I type. Creeeeeepy.

I went a-googling but I couldn’t find any explanations in English. All I got was:

‘Remote acess is a yguygouyu that lets you iuihj8uihu9 in the computer that is oiuoiup98uoiu;o.’ Ai!

In the end, I ran into this story and this story. They both explained – in English – exactly how remote access works. Yay! It turns out you have to pre-install it onto your machine.

Buuuuuut … since my machine has previous owners, they could have installed it long before me. And I’m still shaken about the IT guy who remotely [and un-ask-ed-ly] put porn on my office desktop. It had sound and everything … and I didn’t have my headphones! Luckily, I was alone when I opened the machine. Man!!

 

So, the point of this post is to wonder aloud. What exactly can a spurned geek do – and more to the point, what does he not have access. I’ve written once before about how easy it is to cause cyber havoc via chat, but knowing someone can get on my laptop and turn on my webcam is a whole nother story. I wonder if The Net and stuff like that is as far from the truth as we think…

260 thoughts on “All Hail The Reigning Queen of Technobofia

  1. Wow, I just wrote something much along these lines a few days ago! A bit more long-winded, and covering more than just iron, but… check it out if you’re bored!

  2. Aw, this was a really nice post. In idea I want to put in writing like this additionally – taking time and actual effort to make an excellent article… however what can I say… I procrastinate alot and in no way seem to get one thing done.

  3. How long does a copyright last on newspaper articles?. . If a service copies newspapers articles and then posts it in a database on the Internet, is there also a copyright on the Internet content?.

  4. Hi, I think your website might be having browser compatibility
    issues. When I look at your website in Opera, it looks fine
    but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
    I just wanted to give you a quick heads up!
    Other then that, awesome blog!

  5. I have been surfing online more than three hours today, yet I by no means discovered any interesting article
    like yours. It’s beautiful price sufficient for me. Personally, if all site
    owners and bloggers made just right content as you did, the net will be a lot
    more helpful than ever before.

  6. I am really impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout
    on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself?
    Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to see a
    nice blog like this one these days.

  7. Hi! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance from
    an established blog. Is it very hard to set up your own blog?

    I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast.
    I’m thinking about creating my own but I’m not sure where to start.
    Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Many thanks

  8. Nice post. I was checking constantly this weblog and I am impressed!
    Very useful information specifically the final part 🙂
    I maintain such information much. I used to be looking for
    this particular info for a long time. Thank you and best of luck.

  9. I’m impressed, I must say. Really hardly ever do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me inform you, you will have hit the nail on the head. Your idea is excellent; the difficulty is one thing that not enough persons are talking intelligently about. I am very joyful that I stumbled throughout this in my search for something relating to this.

  10. OK first take a good look at your self. What do you like what do you not like so much. Work on that which you do not like. But do not listen to other people their opinions do not matter only yours does. Work on having the attitude that this is who you’re and if they don’t like it they can go to hell.

  11. First off I would like to say terrific blog!
    I had a quick question which I’d like to ask if you do not mind.
    I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your
    thoughts prior to writing. I have had difficulty clearing my mind in getting my ideas out there.
    I do take pleasure in writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are
    wasted just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations
    or hints? Many thanks!

  12. I am just writing to make you know of the beneficial experience our daughter obtained reading your web site. She even learned a good number of pieces, which included how it is like to have an excellent giving character to have other individuals smoothly understand a number of impossible matters. You undoubtedly did more than readers’ expectations. Thank you for presenting the helpful, trusted, explanatory and in addition fun tips on this topic to Evelyn.

  13. If you desire to obtain much from this article then you have to
    apply such strategies to your won website.

  14. As I site possessor I believe the content matter here is rattling great , appreciate it for your hard work. You should keep it up forever! Best of luck.

  15. Its like you read my thoughts! You seem to know a lot about this, like you wrote the e book in it or something. I believe that you simply could do with a few % to pressure the message house a little bit, but other than that, that is excellent blog. A great read. I will certainly be back.

  16. Generally I don’t learn post on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very compelled me to try and do so! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thanks, very nice post.

  17. F*ckin’ remarkable things here. I’m very happy to see your article. Thank you so much and i’m taking a look ahead to touch you. Will you kindly drop me a mail?

  18. I like what you guys are up also. Such clever work and reporting! Keep up the excellent works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my web site 🙂

  19. Whats up this is kinda of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding knowledge so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  20. Woah! I’m really digging the template/theme of this site. It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s very difficult to get that “perfect balance” between usability and visual appeal. I must say that you’ve done a amazing job with this. Also, the blog loads super fast for me on Chrome. Superb Blog!

  21. Good ¡V I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs as well as related information ended up being truly easy to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it in the least. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or something, site theme . a tones way for your client to communicate. Nice task..

  22. I just want to say I am very new to blogs and truly savored you’re web site. More than likely I’m likely to bookmark your website . You amazingly come with superb articles and reviews. Regards for sharing your webpage.

  23. Hola! I’ve been reading your site for a long time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Porter Tx! Just wanted to say keep up the good job!

  24. I have noticed that online degree is getting preferred because attaining your degree online has changed into a popular option for many people. Numerous people have not had a possible opportunity to attend a normal college or university but seek the raised earning possibilities and a better job that a Bachelor Degree gives. Still other folks might have a diploma in one field but want to pursue another thing they now possess an interest in.

  25. A formidable share, I just given this onto a colleague who was doing a little evaluation on this. And he in fact purchased me breakfast because I discovered it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the deal with! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to debate this, I really feel strongly about it and love reading extra on this topic. If attainable, as you turn into expertise, would you thoughts updating your blog with more particulars? It’s highly helpful for me. Huge thumb up for this blog post!

  26. I appreciate, cause I found just what I was looking for. You’ve ended my four day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye

  27. Aw, this was a very nice post. In concept I want to put in writing like this additionally – taking time and actual effort to make a very good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and certainly not seem to get one thing done.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.