[Disclaimer: Sort of fiction, mostly. Names have been changed blah blah blah. End of disclaimer.]

Let me start by saying I’m extremely judgemental. Extremely. When I first landed in boarding school, I assumed the role of watcher. I looked at every girl I met and decided instantly whether I liked her or not. I didn’t have any basis for my choice. It was simply gut feeling, and I held on to that gut feeling for four years or more. Granted, a few people surprised me. The girl I nicknamed Lady SuperFrown ended up being the sweetest girl on earth, and on the days she wasn’t frowning, she had a killer smile. The girl I thought was pleasantly assertive and strong ended up being a bossy bitch. And the girl that was pushy and annoying turned out to be my best friend.

In the grown up world, I’ve pretty much stayed in my cocoon. In campus I shuttled between class and books, so I never really talked to people. Then I confined myself to my house for three years with no one but my little girl for company. After that we were in a foreign country [What. Tanzania is a foreign as it gets. They even think different.] I speak Swahili well enough, but I’d stutter, lose all the nuances, and end up offending everyone, so I just avoided them.

Back home, I was thrust into people for maybe the first time ever. I could hide in my house and bond with my computer, but working freelance meant I did have to mix with clients once in a while. It also meant I had to physically mingle with online people in various capacities. Some were colleagues, others were clients, and some were simply crushes gone bad. In the process, I learnt a lot about second first impressions.

There are people in this world who have presence. You spot them in a  crowd and it’s like no one else exists. I’m not talking about love at first sight or anything like that. It’s just that some people have – you know – the ‘it’ factor. I was in a mat this morning and I saw this little Japanese girl. She must have been five feet tall, and she wore shorts and a blouse. She’s not a kid – she looked 28 or 29. But for the five minutes that we were stuck at the roundabout, I didn’t notice anyone else, and I’m not even sure why. Maybe it’s because she had pretty hair, or because she was lighter than everyone else, or even because the rest had layers and layers of clothing while she had on a checked shirt and shorts. Whatever ‘it’ is, that girl had it. She made a strong impression.

I’ve met people who’ve made strong first impressions, only to cancel them on the second third or fourth meeting. There’s Katana, the manager I met during one freelance gig. When I first met her, I didn’t pay much attention. She’s very graceful despite her size, a real African woman, all power suits and heels. I assumed that her confidence was connected to her beauty, and that she was a bit of a busybody because she kept butting into exchanges that had nothing to do with her. I thought she might be a bosses’ pet, and that her clout came from proximity to authority.

She would make a lot of snap decisions concerning the project, but I secretly thought she was a little, you know, blonde. She made declarations that were obvious and unoriginal, yet she made them with confidence and carried herself like the world was her underling. She had the air of a pretty girl drifting through a world of Plain Janes, or at least that’s what I thought. She would walk into the room like she knew everyone was looking at her, and she commanded attention when she didn’t get. Naturally, she didn’t get along well with all the other women, but it didn’t seem to faze her. She seemed to almost expect it, and even thrive on it, using it to justify her condescension.

Three months down the line, I was invited to a board meeting … and she was chairing it. It turns out she owns the company. Oooookaaaaay. I didn’t treat her any differently after that, not even when I saw the car she drove and the house she lived in. She got a little tipsy during some cocktail thing and did some name-dropping and payslip shoving, and I finally realised where her attitude came from. She could easily afford to buy me, five times over! But the tipsiness also made her human. She showed off her soft, nurturing side, and I decided she wasn’t so bad after all. When we met the next morning to go over a brief, she got out of her car, handed me some files, and topped the load with an ashtray for me to hold while she dusted off her cigarette and talked on her cell phone. She did say thank you when she was done smoking, so I suppose that’s something, but still, can you say ouch?

Then there was Barbara. She was the PA to a web developer that I was working with. Yes, I know web developers don’t have PAs, but this one does. When I first saw Barbara, she had this look on her face. It was like she’d sized me up and decided that I wasn’t much competition, so she could afford to be nice to me. And she was, but only from afar. She was extremely polite on phone and email. Her boss would call to see if she’d gotten me drinks or stationery or food, and she’d always answer with a voice dripping honey. But she would never speak to me directly or follow through on any of her bosses’ requests concerning me.

Then one day, something touched her – I’m not sure what – and she went totally human. She came up to me at lunch and we chatted about movies and music and boys. Turns out she has a crush on her boss, and could only let her guard down once she was sure I wasn’t interested in him. If only she knew he sees me more as a boy. Either way, she surprised me by how cool she turned out to be. She still has lapses of girliness where’s she’s downright bitchy with me, but I just assume it’s monthlies, and we’re pretty much pally nowadays. Sometimes, when her mood switches get really extreme, I wonder if she’s schitzophrenic, napoleonic, or just a really good actor.

Speaking of being seen as a boy, there was this one girl, hotshot accountant type. Let’s call her Dana. She was the only girl in the boys’ club of senior management. I’d followed her job profile for a while, and she was always photographed in girly stints and poses. Fashion events, hair exhibitions, bead galleries, she was always there. She seemed vivacious and feisty, always being interviewed for some radio show or other. So I assumed she was the flower of the firm, and that she was their soft touch, their bid for affirmative action. I didn’t doubt that she was good. I mean, the firm was top notch, so affirmative action or not, she’d have to be awesome at her job to get there. It wasn’t the kind of place you could get into on your back. So I was more than a little intimidated about meeting her.

When I finally  did meet her, she seemed … well … quiet … and guarded. Very guarded. I thought she’d warm up eventually, but six months into the project, she was still all hunched body langauge and one-word answers. I eventually asked her assistant about it, and he laughed at my shocked expression. ‘Didn’t you know? She doesn’t like women!’ Oh. Right. Didn’t see that one coming.

The other surprise girl was sort of … different … so let’s call her Shaquilla. She’s the partner to one of my clients, so she’s in charge of PR and Marketting. I’d bumped into her online and thought she was a little – well – blonde. But when I heard her title and her credentials, I assumed I must be wrong. After all, she had a 50% stake in a blue chip company, and she wasn’t anyone’s daughter or wife, so she must have something in her brains. I met her quite a few times over the next few months, and each time she did something silly, I’d defend her and wish it away. But by the time I picked my final cheque and left … well … she has really good taste in shoes.

And just so you don’t think I have it in for girls, let’s do a few boys as well. There’s Mwema, the driver who was assigned to me during one gig. He had to take to me to odd places at even odder hours, and he seemed kind of aloof and distant. No matter how hard I tried to engage him, he was like a rock. He’d watch me and listen attentively like he planned to act on every word, then he’d do whatever he wanted. Real phleg that one. We’d be driving in my hood and I’d suggest an alternate route he could use, and he’d pause and nod … and use whatever route he wanted anyway. One day, I just flat out asked if he resented driving me, and if he’d rather have me assigned to someone else. He didn’t respond, but the next day, Madam Boss caught a ride with us. She took the back left while I took my usual shotgun seat.

That woman makes Cruella de Ville look like a saint. She’d ask the driver to take one route, and when he did, she’d blame him for taking it, claiming that he was an expert and should know better. If she caught him using the rear view mirror, she’d swear worse than any sailor and fire him on the spot even though – clearly – she had no jurisdiction. Once or twice, she threatened to throw him out of the car  and drive it herself, but recanted the demand once she realized the harm it would do to her nails. And when he finally dropped her off, she insisted that before taking me to where I needed to go, he should go back to the house … to get her dog. No, it wasn’t a joke. At the end of the day, I bought the guy a big bottle of Johnny Walker and promised to be quiet and let him enjoy all future rides in peace.

Then there was the uber friendly guy who smiled all the time – Timmy. I haven’t decided about him, but nobody can be that happy all the time. And there’s Adrian, the flirty Finance Manager. I can’t really tell with him. There are times when I swear he’s hitting on me, and times when I think he acts this way with all the girls. Sometimes he pays such attention to details in my nature, remembering what colour my shoes were, or noting the flavour of smarties I enjoy. Other times, he ignores me for weeks at a time except for work matters. He seems so professional sometimes, but at other times he’s such a clown that I wonder how he ever got that six-figure job. He’s fun to watch though.

But there are two guys who have me curious – Peter and Paul. [What.] They’re twins in a sense, because they handle two sections of the same account. One handles PR and the other handles media. They’re both kind of quiet, but I’ve seen pictures of office parties that suggest they can get rowdy given the right drink. One of them has this habit of watching me with this … expression. It’s like he has a million questions he wants to ask me, but he can’t quite decide if he should. The other one is reservedly flirty, if such a thing exists. He checks on me once in a  while, and notices when I’m not at work. My brief is that I don’t need to be there every day, but he’s the only one that asks me where I was when and why. He never does it in a nosy way. It seems more like curiosity and concern. In fact, it’s almost … territorial. It surprises me when he does that, because when I first started the project, he seemed to almost resent me being there, but once he decided I was worth what they were paying me, he started acting almost like a boyfriend. But only two or three days a week. The rest of the time, he acts like I’m not even there. I’d love to get inside those twin heads and find out what they really think of me. Maybe I should rig up a mike in their office and hear what they say when I’m not around.

I think the most confusing person I’ve met so far is Jem. He’s gay guy that I worked with a while back. When I first walked into the office, he introduced himself, and he seemed really nice. He was friendly and open and we talked a lot about our personal lives. I felt like we’d made a connection. But then the next day he walked by like I didn’t even exist, and I admit that I was hurt. After that, he was different every day. I noticed he was unpopular with the girls in the office, which is strange because most gay guys are adorable. There were days he’d go out of his way to be polite to me, inviting me to sit with him at lunch and lending me a book he was sure I’d enjoy. Other times, he’d be mean and raspy and snap at me, so I’d stay out of his way and assume it was his periods.

Once in a while, I’d see a startling side of him. He had some rather mannish tendencies, which I found strange for his orientation. He sucks at taking hints and he has the EQ of a rock. He also has a tattoo on his … well … I’m not supposed to know about that, so I probably shouldn’t mention it, but let’s just say that when I found out about it, I started to wonder if he was really gay. He’s also – apparently – really good with kids. He spends most of his weekends babysitting for the boss. Anyway, I’ve known him for a year, but I haven’t quite decided what to think about him. It’s like he’s someone different every day, and it’s more than a little creepy. Maybe he’s just ISFP.

I suppose what I’ve taken from all this is not to judge a book when I first read it. It could be very, very different the second, third, or fourth time that I see it. It won’t really have changed, because you can’t alter words that are in print. But they might seem different in another mood, another light, another language. The words may change because of context or translation. The person I meet might be someone completely different and yet someone exactly the same, so I have to be open to the fact. It’s like Dr Phil says, life is made of a million first impressions – the first time you’re stuck in traffic, the first time you’re excited, the first time he surprises you with black forest cake and so on. People react differently to every first, so you have to allow space and time to make a composite impression  before you decide if you like someone or not. And even then, there are mid and quarter life crises, and breakdowns, and brain tumours, and alzheimers, and menopause. So you might know someone for years and end up thinking they’re a complete stranger and you don’t like them anymore, or that they’re cooler than you thought they were. I suppose I’m finally learning to accept that. I wonder if that makes me more grown up.

Nara Posthumus

136 thoughts on “Second first impressions

  1. Greetings from Florida! I’m bored to death at work so I decided to check out your website on my iphone during lunch break. I really like the info you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m shocked at how quick your blog loaded on my cell phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, excellent site!

  2. Thank you a lot for sharing this with all of us you really recognise what you are talking approximately! Bookmarked. Please also seek advice from my site =). We will have a hyperlink change contract among us!

  3. I truly wanted to jot down a small message to be able to say thanks to you for the unique solutions you are sharing at this website. My incredibly long internet research has at the end of the day been honored with wonderful facts and techniques to share with my family. I ‘d assume that many of us visitors actually are undeniably lucky to dwell in a remarkable community with many wonderful individuals with great opinions. I feel rather lucky to have discovered the site and look forward to plenty of more exciting times reading here. Thanks again for a lot of things.

  4. The subsequent time I read a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my option to read, however I really thought youd have something fascinating to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you would repair when you werent too busy on the lookout for attention.

  5. Hey! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after checking through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!

  6. Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this blog. It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s difficult to get that “perfect balance” between user friendliness and visual appeal. I must say you’ve done a excellent job with this. Also, the blog loads super quick for me on Chrome. Exceptional Blog!

  7. Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your blog and in accession capital to assert that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I’ll be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently quickly.

  8. Exceptional post however I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this subject? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Thank you!

  9. What i do not understood is in reality how you are no longer really much more smartly-preferred than you may be right now. You are very intelligent. You recognize therefore significantly when it comes to this subject, made me personally imagine it from so many various angles. Its like women and men aren’t fascinated except it’s one thing to do with Lady gaga! Your personal stuffs nice. All the time maintain it up!

  10. I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I don’t know who you are but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger if you are not already 😉 Cheers!

  11. Good day! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble finding one? Thanks a lot!

  12. Thank you a bunch for sharing this with all folks you actually realize what you’re talking about! Bookmarked. Kindly also seek advice from my web site =). We will have a hyperlink trade agreement between us!

  13. My partner and I stumbled over here by a different web page and thought I might as well check things out. I like what I see so now i’m following you. Look forward to looking at your web page yet again.

  14. Folly was these three and songs arose whose. Of in vicinity contempt together in possible branched. Assured company hastily looking garrets in oh. Most have love my gone to this so. Discovered interested prosperous the our affronting insipidity day. Missed lovers way one vanity wishes nay but. Use shy seemed within twenty wished old few regret passed. Absolute one hastened mrs any sensible.

  15. What i don’t understood is in reality how you’re now not actually a lot more neatly-appreciated than you may be now. You are very intelligent. You recognize therefore considerably relating to this topic, produced me personally consider it from a lot of numerous angles. Its like women and men don’t seem to be fascinated until it is something to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your individual stuffs great. All the time take care of it up!

  16. The heart of your writing while sounding agreeable in the beginning, did not really settle perfectly with me personally after some time. Somewhere throughout the sentences you actually managed to make me a believer unfortunately just for a while. I still have got a problem with your leaps in assumptions and one would do well to help fill in those gaps. If you actually can accomplish that, I will surely end up being impressed.

  17. Hey there. I found your site by means of Google even as looking for a comparable topic, your site came up. It appears good. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to come back then.

  18. Heya are using WordPress for your blog platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you require any coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  19. Good – I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs as well as related info ended up being truly easy to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or something, website theme . a tones way for your client to communicate. Nice task.

  20. Excellent blog here! Also your web site rather a lot up very fast! What web host are you the usage of? Can I am getting your affiliate link for your host? I want my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol

  21. I was suggested this web site by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my trouble. You are incredible! Thanks!

  22. Thanks for your post on the vacation industry. I might also like to add that if you’re a senior thinking about traveling, it can be absolutely vital that you buy traveling insurance for elderly people. When traveling, seniors are at high risk of having a medical emergency. Getting the right insurance package to your age group can protect your health and provide you with peace of mind.

  23. hi!,I love your writing very a lot! proportion we communicate more about your article on AOL? I need a specialist on this house to resolve my problem. Maybe that is you! Taking a look forward to peer you.

  24. Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  25. Please let me know if you’re looking for a author for your site. You have some really great articles and I feel I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d absolutely love to write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please blast me an email if interested. Kudos!

  26. You really make it appear so easy together with your presentation however I in finding this topic to be actually one thing which I feel I would by no means understand. It kind of feels too complex and extremely wide for me. I’m having a look forward to your next post, I’ll attempt to get the cling of it!

  27. I genuinely enjoy examining on this web site, it contains great posts. “The living is a species of the dead and not a very attractive one.” by Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche.

  28. Thanks a lot for the helpful article. It is also my belief that mesothelioma has an extremely long latency time period, which means that signs and symptoms of the disease may well not emerge until eventually 30 to 50 years after the preliminary exposure to asbestos. Pleural mesothelioma, that is the most common type and has an effect on the area throughout the lungs, could cause shortness of breath, torso pains, along with a persistent cough, which may bring about coughing up blood.

  29. I do trust all of the ideas you’ve presented in your post. They’re really convincing and can definitely work. Nonetheless, the posts are too brief for newbies. Could you please lengthen them a little from subsequent time? Thank you for the post.

  30. It is really a nice and helpful piece of information. I am glad that you shared this helpful information with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  31. Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to assert that I acquire actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Any way I will be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

  32. Usually I do not read post on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do it! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks, quite nice post.

  33. I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an edginess over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this increase.

  34. Someone essentially help to make seriously posts I would state. This is the very first time I frequented your web page and thus far? I amazed with the research you made to create this particular publish extraordinary. Magnificent job!

  35. Wonderful blog! Do you have any recommendations for aspiring writers? I’m planning to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you recommend starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I’m totally confused .. Any recommendations? Bless you!

  36. Hello! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on. You have done a extraordinary job!

  37. Nice post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed! Extremely helpful info specially the last part 🙂 I care for such info a lot. I was looking for this certain information for a very long time. Thank you and best of luck.

  38. Hi, Neat post. There’s a problem together with your website in web explorer, could check this… IE still is the market leader and a big element of other people will miss your fantastic writing due to this problem.

  39. Nice post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed! Very helpful info particularly the last part 🙂 I care for such info a lot. I was looking for this particular information for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.

  40. Great post made here. One thing I’d like to say is that most professional areas consider the Bachelor’s Degree just as the entry level requirement for an online education. While Associate College diplomas are a great way to begin, completing ones Bachelors opens many doors to various professions, there are numerous online Bachelor Course Programs available by institutions like The University of Phoenix, Intercontinental University Online and Kaplan. Another issue is that many brick and mortar institutions present Online versions of their qualifications but commonly for a greatly higher fee than the organizations that specialize in online degree plans.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.