I was at my workmate’s desk, looking at some copy, so I didn’t hear the bump. I saw everyone run to the window, trying to find out what was going on. Some people wondered whether a car had rammed the barrier, and a few theories were thrown around before the resident office grinch yelled that someone had just killed himself.

We thought he was joking, so we went to see for ourselves. The man was lying face down on the pavement. He was moving, so we thought he might still be alive, but someone went and touched him, and told us he was dead. There wasn’t a lot of blood, because nobody had moved him yet. He looked almost asleep, or maybe just passed out.

Some of my workmates went down to take a better look. Some took photos and videos, but were so shaken afterwards that they needed a drink. Others were crying. One person was furious, thinking the man might be a terrorist, while someone else wished he had picked a different building.

The body lay there for a long time. In fact, it’s still lying there. We found out the man’s name, and more people start crying. No one at the office is concentrating right now. They’re shaken. They don’t understand why anyone would want to take their own life. But I do, because I’ve been there. More than once.

My workmate is shocked that I look so … serene. I don’t know if that’s the right word. Right now, what I feel is … nothing. I understand that a man is dead, and that people are upset, and angry, and terrified, but I don’t feel much of anything.

The suicide itself isn’t a shock to me. I’m more bemused by the reactions of everyone else. I’ve always thought suicide is the business of the person who died, and to some extent, his loved ones. So I find it odd that acquaintances are so vested in it. There are very heated discussions around me right now, all about why no one should kill themselves. I guess self-inflicted death affects more people than I thought it did.

I considered taking a closer look at the body. I’ve heard people say suicide victims are deluded and that they think death is heroic and easy. My favourite ex described death to me in vivid detail once. He’s in the military, so he’s seen a lot of it first hand, and he was trying to shock me out of a suicidal stupor. It didn’t really work, so he broke up with me instead. He said he didn’t want to be around the next time I tried something that stupid.

Today, I thought maybe if I saw how terrible that body looked today, it would stay in my mind and snap me out of my next depression. But I couldn’t make myself do it. It just felt … wrong somehow. I felt that looking at him just to soothe my demons would be disrespectful. So when the ambulance finally came and turned him over, I didn’t look.

It’s been over an hour, but some of the people in the office are still shaky and teary-eyed. I find that strange. I suppose the average human loves life, and that seeing someone throw theirs away is disturbing. For me, it’s not death itself that stops me, it’s the fear of what would happen to my baby girl once I was gone. The thought of her sorrow, confusion, and tears keeps me from doing anything stupid. I don’t know what drove that man off our office building, but I hope that wherever he is, his soul is at peace.

123 thoughts on “And then I saw a man die.

  1. Thank you for the sensible critique. Me & my neighbor were just preparing to do some research about this. We got a grab a book from our area library but I think I learned more from this post. I’m very glad to see such magnificent information being shared freely out there.

  2. I cling on to listening to the news broadcast lecture about receiving boundless online grant applications so I have been looking around for the most excellent site to get one. Could you tell me please, where could i get some?

  3. Wow that was odd. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Regardless, just wanted to say fantastic blog!

  4. Great beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your website, how could i subscribe for a blog website? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear concept

  5. Good – I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your web site. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs and related information ended up being truly simple to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it in the least. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, web site theme . a tones way for your customer to communicate. Excellent task.

  6. Together with everything that appears to be building inside this specific subject matter, a significant percentage of perspectives happen to be relatively refreshing. Having said that, I appologize, but I can not subscribe to your entire suggestion, all be it radical none the less. It looks to me that your commentary are actually not entirely justified and in simple fact you are yourself not fully confident of your argument. In any case I did appreciate examining it.

  7. We’re a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community. Your site provided us with valuable information to work on. You’ve done a formidable job and our entire community will be thankful to you.

  8. What’s Happening i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve found It absolutely helpful and it has aided me out loads. I hope to contribute & assist other users like its helped me. Good job.

  9. Definitely believe that which you said. Your favorite reason seemed to be on the web the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people consider worries that they just don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

  10. Admiring the dedication you put into your website and in depth information you offer. It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed information. Fantastic read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  11. I’m not sure where you’re getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for excellent information I was looking for this information for my mission.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *