Blue skin

I’ve always had this thing about being true to myself. The only problem is I don’t see myself how the world sees me. I suspect few people do. I’ve never really noticed that though, because most people hide their ‘blue skin’. They wear masks depicting what they’re supposed to be … or what they think they’re expected to be.

I read an article a few days back that put it in a very interesting way. The article claims we all need love to be happy, but we hide that need, even from ourselves. Then it goes on to talk about meditation, which I don’t do anymore, so ignore that part. Anyway…

At the core love is what we all want, but we are too buried in our protective gear to receive it. Love in an evolutionary impulse. To be loved means we are safe, we are fully accepted and we belong. If we belong then we know that other people have our back and we’re going to be okay when danger lurks. We can relax, be vulnerable and open up to the good that life has to offer.

But we don’t live in an ancient culture anymore where we physically belong to a tribe or not. It’s not okay to be vulnerable, but vulnerability is where love lies. Nowadays we have to dress a certain way, act a certain way, socially contort ourselves a certain way to find acceptance. We engage life not from any authentic core, but from a series of sub personalities. As we do this we create different masks to wear within our families, work and even among friends.

I suppose I’m at the extreme end of this spectrum. I believed that being true to myself meant putting my entire self on display, then crumbling when that ‘self’ made people run away. What I realised is the ‘self’ I was portraying wasn’t really my blue skin. Because of my depression, I has such a negative self image that I couldn’t see anything good about myself. It was so pervasive I couldn’t recognize the strengths everyone else saw. I was getting all these compliments and still viewing myself as worthless, unwanted, unlove-able.

Thanks to some home therapy from a good friend, I’m starting to acknowldege my strong points, and that gives me a much better sense of myself. I agreed to focus less on my weaknesses. In fact, I promised not to talk about them at all, so I could focus on the stuff that’s good. But then I saw the poem about blue skin and I wondered if I was back to square one, hiding the very thing someone might be trying to find in me.

Except that’s not really it. When we’re looking for someone to love, someone who is like us, we’re not really looking for flaws. It’s not like I want to marry a man with a temper just because I throw things around when I get mad. And the ideal person to handle my mood swings isn’t someone as moody as me.

What we’re hiding are things we think others might not accept. Things like unusual hobbies, eccentric taste, embarrassing pleasure points. I might hide the fact that I’m 32 and still play Super Mario, or that I spend hours at a time watching reality TV. (Not the Kardashians. I prefer Extreme Couponing, Long Island Medium, What Not To Wear, Secret Eaters, True Hollywood Story, Say Yes to the Dress, Brides of Beverly Hills … Shows which in some ways are worse than the Kardashians … *sheepish grin*)

stargate_sg1

Everyone accepts Big Bang Theory as mainstream comedy, but a lot of people still think watching Stargate Atlantis makes you a nerd. (I love all the Stargates by the way. Except Stargate Universe, that one is kind of dark. But for the others, Daniel and Sheppard are way hot, Sam is my hero, O’neal is pure comedic genius, Ronon Dex is an absolute dream, and how could anyone hate Teal’c?)

I might hide the fact that I don’t understand Afro-Fusion or John Legend and prefer to listen to Nickelodeon soundtracks. A guy might pretend to like floetry he doesn’t understand, or a girl might deny enjoying Papa Shirandula or Vitimbi. This is the kind of blue skin you can spend a lifetime camouflaging. And we hide it so well that we could miss out on the blue-skinned love that walks right past.

I guess the blue skin thing isn’t an issue for me because I like to shock people. I actually enjoy exposing the blue and watching people’s reactions. And now that I’m teaching myself that I’m worthy of love, I know that some blue-skinned boys will come my way. It feels good to know I’m growing enough to willingly accept their affection when they show up. It took me long enough, and it’s definitely about that time.

♫ Me and you against the world ♫ Rags soundtrack ♫

110 thoughts on “Finding love and hiding skin. A true blue story.

  1. Hmm it looks like your website ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any recommendations for newbie blog writers? I’d definitely appreciate it.

  2. I like the valuable information you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your weblog and check again here regularly. I am quite certain I will learn many new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next!

  3. I’m not sure where you are getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for excellent information I was looking for this info for my mission.

  4. Thank you for every other informative web site. The place else could I get that type of information written in such an ideal manner? I’ve a challenge that I am just now working on, and I’ve been at the look out for such info.

  5. you are in point of fact a just right webmaster. The website loading velocity is amazing. It sort of feels that you’re doing any distinctive trick. Also, The contents are masterwork. you have done a fantastic process on this topic!

  6. hey there and thank you for your info – I have definitely picked up something new from right here. I did however expertise some technical issues using this web site, as I experienced to reload the web site a lot of times previous to I could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering if your web hosting is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but slow loading instances times will often affect your placement in google and can damage your high quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Well I’m adding this RSS to my email and can look out for much more of your respective intriguing content. Ensure that you update this again soon..

  7. One more important aspect is that if you are a senior, travel insurance intended for pensioners is something you should really contemplate. The older you are, the more at risk you will be for making something undesirable happen to you while in foreign countries. If you are not necessarily covered by some comprehensive insurance coverage, you could have several serious troubles. Thanks for revealing your suggestions on this web site.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.