I read a lot of relationship books, and in the past few weeks, I’ve read Steve Harvey, Aziz Ansari, Helen Andelin, Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider, and a whole bunch of blogs whose urls I can barely remember. The theme remains the same – the best way to capture his attention and keep it is by playing hard to get.
In some spaces, the suggestion was mentioned in passing. In other places, it was discussed in detail, complete with the research studies that backed it up, and peppered with case studies by psychologists, sociologists, anthropologists, philanthropists, and sadists. Turns out the more somebody misses you, the more they will want you, and this applies even when you’re already a couple.
The advice annoyed me, because I’m not the kind of person that plays games. I respond to texts immediately or not at all. I call when I want to call and never show up unannounced. Also, I don’t like surprises.
I’d love to believe that in an ideal world, the person that I am is enough to make me loved. But apparently, they also have to miss all that you are. And while we’re on the subject, it turns out there’s such a thing as akoisexual. Meaning a person that loses sexual interest in you once they realise it’s mutual.
I’ve had a bunch of guys in my life, and lately, some of them are reappearing. Why? Because I asked them not to. I have spent eons of my life running after these particular boys. But now that I’ve decided they’re a waste of time, and have said so in plain unambiguous language, I am suddenly the only girl they want. Sigh.
The thing is … most people say the don’t want to play games. They say they want their lovers to be honest and straight-forward and open in their dealings. Most people also prefer the chase, the fast-paced exciting part of relationships where you can’t get enough of each other.
Once you’re committed and settled, once you’ve caught the object of your affection, most people quickly get bored. That’s why we’re advised to let the phone ring a few more times before we answer it, to say no to *some* dates so that we seem in high demand, to tie our hands behind our backs and resist the urge to reply too quickly.
To pretend to be busy even when we’re sitting at home with ice cream and praying he will call, to wait at least *three days* before returning that missed call. Apparently, the more elusive you are, the more attractive you are, even if you have his heart.
I know that for some people, all this is exciting. It keeps the spark alive, and if Steve Harvey is to be believed, it keeps your partner interested and faithful. It lets you get creative and find new exciting ways to make your boring old relationship feel fresh and new. How can be a bad thing? And yet … it sounds like an awful lot of work.
Love is stupid. Boys are stupid. And one day I will find a boy who doesn’t need all these crazy riddles and psycho tactics. Because the only games I really want to play with a boy that I like are strip scrabble, horizontal twister, and bedside gymnastics.
♫ Gabrielle ♫ Rise ♫