♫ Last Christmas I gave you my heart ♫

♫ And the very next day, you gave it away. ♫

I always thought the song was sappy.

Like when you sing a song that says

♫ I’m over you! ♫

♫ I don’t need you anymore! ♫

Yet the very fact you sang it means you’re not …

If you were, you wouldn’t sing.

Last Christmas, I gave myself to you.

Or maybe, in some ways,

You gave me to me.

You showed yourself to me,

and you showed myself to me.

Through your eyes, I saw me as I really am.

But now I feel my gift is gone

Because you’re gone.

You gave to me the gift of … me!

And then you walked away

Taking all that ‘me’ with you.

I used to be a goldfish.

Safe behind the glass,

Staring at the world outside,

But never once daring

Or wanting to join.

At least until you came.

Now you’re gone

And I splash inside a bucket,

Waiting for the Fish Tank Master

To plop me back into the pool

Where I belong.

♫ Cold ♫ Crossfade ♫

That moment

That one terrifying moment

When I bare my all

When I stand before you, uncovered

Unprotected

Unashamed

And you stare at me

Blank

Unmoved

I wish you had giggled in amusement

Then I’d have laughed too

And we’d have tumbled in the grass, on the floor,

Exploring the thin line

Between laughter and passion

Or perhaps an excuse

Some reason why

The flimsiest barrier

Between you and my desire

But instead

The silence

The darkness

As I gather the shreds of my pride

Fill all the gaps in my head

And swear to myself

Never again

Never, ever, ever again

Will I allow myself to trust

The smile of a stranger.

I watched you … and I wondered

I wondered what you would do, what you would say

if I asked for an hour of your time.

I wondered if you’d laugh in my face,

or if you’d look me up and down.

I wondered if you like that kind of girl

the kind that says ‘I want you here and now’.

I looked at you … and I wondered.

Then I turned away

because it wouldn’t be the same.

If I had you in room for an hour, you would wait for me.

You would sit, and you would watch

and you would ask me why I brought you there.

And that’s not what I want from you.

I want you to touch me, to move me, to feel me…

and then … to fill me.

I want you to take me like a lady.

And if I had told you the words of my mind…

If I had asked you for a room and an hour…

You wouldn’t come looking for a lady.

You’d come in looking for a …

… a …

a thing that I’m not.

A thing I could never be…

even if I tried.