Every once in a while, I bump into a song that touches me deeply. I often make it my new ringtone, or play it non-stop for days. The songs range from heartbroken lamentations to odes of angst, and they move me for different reasons. This morning while walking to work, I bumped into this song, and it’s been on replay ever since.
♫ A crowded street can be a quiet place when you’re walking alone. ♫
I don’t know why it struck me with such force. Maybe it’s because I’m at a place where everything is right, yet everything feels wrong. I have an awesome new job that I love. My baby is thriving as a girl scout. I have a chance with a boy that I adore. I’ve found a path that suits me beautifully. Yet I’m still moping around, and I can’t think why.
3 Doors Down has always been one of my favourite bands. I don’t know the members’ names, their story, or even their greatest hits. I just know I like a lot of their songs. This one speaks to me because I’m that exact moment, the moment where I’m afraid to try things because I don’t want to fail. But like the man says:
♫ If you’re afraid to fly, then I guess you never will. ♫
Yesterday, I directed my first ever radio commercial. Most fun I’ve had in ages! Then I did something called an aura photograph, which told me my aura was orange. Apparently, people with orange auras are ‘creative, productive, adventurous, courageous, and relate to emotions.’ The photo came with a 23-page analysis, which veered between being uncannily accurate and immensely amusing.
I don’t consider myself adventurous. I describe myself as conservative and introverted. When I said this to the people in the photography room, they burst out laughing. Apparently, you don’t get to call yourself reserved when you have tattoos and purple hair. *shrug* Anyway, that’s the frame of mind I was in when I found my OCD song for today.
♫ Your mistakes do not define you now, they tell you who you’re not. ♫
My new boss gave us an assignment last week. He asked to find the answers to three questions – our passion, what things [the company can do to] make us happy, and what [skills] we bring to the table. The task was easy for me, because all three questions are answered everyday, in my mind, and on my blog.
One thing I’ve learned – and not for the first time – is that sometimes, having everything you want doesn’t make you happy. Sometimes, simply being happy makes you happy. I don’t quite know how to do that yet, but I’m working on it. I’m definitely working on it.
♫ It’s the only one you’ve got ♫ 3 Doors Down ♫