Yes, I know it’s barely a week old, but I’ve just lost someone that I treasured, and I’ve learnt a bunch of new things in the process.

1. Family will always, always, always surprise you.
2. It’s possible to love someone even if you don’t like them very much.
3. Getting drunk doesn’t take the pain away. There is – however – a grim satisfaction in doing what everyone else does.
4. Drinking a litre of water after booze won’t make you more sober or less sleepy, but it’s awesome for preventing hangovers.
5. I forgot. Oh wait, right, venting on social media can be therapeutic.

I really would have liked to write deep, cryptic poetry instead, but I seem to have lost the ability to do that. So instead, I shall delve into the mystery of the unjealous girlfriend.

I was walking with a workmate once, and as we passed UoN, some guy waved frantically at her. She glanced around furtively, then made just the tiniest wave in response. Apparently, the guy has insanely jealous girlfriend. The guy gave her [the workmate] a lift once, while his girlfriend was in the car. The girlfriend responded with an ultimatum: ‘Either she gets out of the car, or I do.’ Mind you, it was 5.00 a.m. and they were in the middle of the national park near Rongai. I didn’t ask how the story ended, but the furtive glance and the tiny wave explains a lot.

My workmate couldn’t understand why the girlfriend had gotten so jealous. After all, it was only a lift, and she could see nothing was going on. I didn’t respond, because while I wouldn’t throw a liftee out of the car, I have no proof of the depths of verdant rage. I’ve been known to scratch eyes out, even though I do it all inside my head, so all that my target can see is a disturbingly evil grin. Hurray for imagicution.

I have a pal on facebook in a  firm, steady relationship. But his gallery is full of pictures of him hugging other women. I asked how his girl puts up with it, because she’s clearly way bigger than me, and I’m not talking sizewise here. Me, I would find those girls, yank them off, grab their tresses, toss them like a discus, then tear up the pictures. And I don’t care if they’re digital.

Her response? She personally knows all the girls wearing her man. They’re all close friends, and there’s nothing going on. Like I said, she’s a bigger woman than me. Me, I don’t care if you’re a catechistic eunuch with a whimple – there’s no way you’re holding my man like that.

I read of one other oddity here – an extremely secure girlfriend. I have no words. Nah, actually, I have many words. I left them in the comments section.

I guess it’s just as well I’m off relationships now, so all the ranks of grabby women can sleep safe tonight. I’ve always had a guy in my life, and I swiftly jump from one to the other. I have a mental process that gets me up fast when it’s over, so I suppose in some ways, my lovelife has been one long never-ending rebound.

A friend of mine told me he’s sworn off relationships because he wants to build himself. He wants to get secure and solid so that when he lets a girl into his life, it’s something that will last. I thought he was insane. How do you just decide not to date people? What if Jada Pinkett shows up with a proposal? You’ll seriously say no?

I think I understand him now. I want to keep off guys for a while, and just concentrate on me. I want to work on my issues and insecurities, so that the next time a guy comes along, I can try being the grown-up, mature girlfriend that smiles and walks away when he’s dirty winding with some random female in the bar. After all, he’s coming home to me, right? Then maybe I won’t cling so hard or get ulcers when he visits a strip club. A girl can dream, can’t she?