Being of the TMI persuasion, I find statements like this quite intriguing. For the longest time, I’ve had this theory that people hold a certain image of me, and that once they meet me and realize I’m not that way at all, they run away. It surprises me that anyone would get the wrong idea about me, since my life is – quite literally – an open blog. But then again, what you say (or write or tweet) isn’t always what people hear.

There have been countless articles about why male-female relationships are so messed up. Most of them blame feminism and gender equality. They say women have taken over male roles, so the guys don’t know what to do with themselves. They say a girl earns money, pays bills, and raises children on her own, so a part of her feels she doesn’t need a man, even though her woman-parts often crave one.

As for the girls, we often get upset by the double standards. A woman today can do pretty much anything a guy can, but she gets victimized for trying. She can drink and drive with the best of them, but when she ‘acts like a man’ she’s considered a slut. A girl that asks a guy out is labelled desperate. One that shows sexual intent is labelled loose.

Meanwhile, the guy says he feels emasculated by these ‘independent women’. They say no matter how modern and self-reliant you are, the best way to get a guy is to go back to your roots, hide your brilliance, humble yourself, lie about your salary. They say a man loves a woman of mystery, a girl he can’t quite figure out, a girl that plays hard to get but knows the thin line between modesty and impossible achievements, because if you’re too unattainable, they give up and chase something they’re more likely to catch.

They say a man loves to chase, and that you’ve got to give him something to run after. Make it too easy and he’ll go hunting for fresh meat. This suggests that no matter how good you are to chase, once he catches you, he’ll just get up and go chase something else. Unless, of course, you have some secret trick or magic potion to keep him running forever. For example, if he feels like he constantly has to ‘earn’ your affection, he’ll be chasing you for years. Or maybe he’ll get frustrated and find someone more appreciative.

I know a girl who even after 12 years of marriage never ever calls or texts her man because ‘a man likes to chase’. She loves him, but maintains an almost aloof demeanour, just to keep him on his toes. He can’t figure her out, and doesn’t know quite what she’s about, which keeps her attractive in his eyes. So in theory, if you can just keep a guy guessing, even after being his wife for 15 years and bearing six of his kids, he’ll be too excited and pre-occupied to chase anything else.

I guess my real question is … how do you keep them chasing? You’d have to live in a way that keeps him constantly curious, especially when there’s absolutely nothing to be curious about. You have to seem to be hiding ‘stuff’ even when there’s nothing there to hide. And you have to do it in a way that makes you alluring, as opposed to – you know – him wondering what you’re scheming behind his back. You basically keep up the early parts of the dating game throughout your relationship, which – incidentally – is what every wife wishes her man would do.

That sounds like an awful lot of work to me, which is probably why guys get upset when we ask them to do it. It makes sense in theory though, because once you’ve been together for a while, you know everything about each other and the mystery is gone. Some people claim you start to look alike, and to see each other as siblings rather than lovers. Then unless his character just won’t let him cheat, he can use familiarity and boredom as an excuse to chase some nubile young thing.

I suppose some things will never really change. Women, no matter how modern and independent they are, will want a man to take care of them and protect them. Guys, no matter how intelligent and refined they are, will want a girl of mystery they can chase. And relationships will always be made through sheer hard work, and will only succeed if both parties have the same goals for the union, put in a vast amount of effort, and agree to work things out no matter [who or] what gets in their way.

♫ Amazing ♫ Blue October ♫

126 thoughts on “Mwanaume ni effort, mwanamke ni …”

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