New Years Resolution

I’ve heard of people dealing with issues by choosing to let them go. You can – they say – choose to forgive, or to not hold grudges, or to stop mentally bashing someone’s face. But can you choose to NOT be depressed? It’s advice I’ve been given pretty often, and it always annoys me, because in my mind, I didn’t decide to be depressed, so I can’t exactly decide not to be.

Except maybe I can. Depression is a disease that makes you see the world – and yourself – in muted tones. The sky is never blue, the grass is never green, and your eyes are never pretty. The whole world could tell you how awesome life is, how awesome you are, and you just wouldn’t see it. But is it possible to teach yourself – to train yourself to see a different world?

I recently reconnected with a dear friend from high school. In the middle of a random conversation, she pointed out that in all the years she’s known me, she had no idea how low my self esteem was. She said, ‘Tell me one good thing about yourself – apart from your daughter and your writing.’ I smiled and realised for the first time in a while that according to me, there wasn’t any.

When you say things like that to the wrong people, they get mad because they think you’re fishing for compliments. But when you say it to the right people, they see you, really see you. And if they truly care about you, they help you. My friend helped me, and I love her for that. Thanks to her, I looked in the mirror for the first time in ages. Really looked, not the cursory glance I give myself at every bank window. And for the first time in ages, I allowed myself to see the beauty that was there.

I sat down and analysed myself the way I do every minute of every day. Except this time, I made a conscious choice to look for good things, and I was surprised at how many I could come up, with considering I wasn’t aware that anything good existed. I made a promise to myself, and to my friend, that I would do this every day, deliberately making a list of all my good qualities, until it comes natural to see myself that way.

Calvin and Hobbes Resolutions

I made a second promise that is harder to keep. I promised her I wouldn’t talk about my weaknesses. The reason that promise is harder is that it feels like lying, like pretending to the world that I’m not who I am. But my friend put it clearly. If a bird breaks its leg – or even its wing – does it stop being a bird?

Pretty much all my life, I’ve defined myself by my flaws and lived my life accordingly. The reason I’m depressed so much of the time is that I see myself as the sum of my faults, and dwell on them so much that there’s nothing left to love. By shifting my perspective, I can be a lot happier, because I can finally see the those hidden features, the ones that everyone else claims are so many, and so clear.

I’m a cynical romantic, that’s no secret. I don’t believe in happily ever after, at least not for me. But in talking to my friend, I realise I do want that, I just don’t think I deserve it, or that I’m worthy of it. I convinced myself that I don’t need it because I think I’ll never have it. So maybe my first step in finding an ideal, healthy relationship is not in letting go of toxic liaisons, but in teaching myself I don’t deserve that kind of love. Then maybe I can draw the right one into my life, or at the very least, recognize him when he walks by.

It’s interesting that ever since I started watching Gilmore Girls, I couldn’t wait to turn 32. For me it was the apex of motherhood and feminine beauty … and Lorelai. But what changed for me wasn’t simply the age. It was a much-needed talk from a well-loved friend, a talk that came at just the right time, a true message from [God and] the universe.

This is my gift to myself, for this year, and for years to come. Allowing myself to see the good everyone else sees in me. Fixing that wound on the inside that no one else knows about. And leaving myself open to the right kind of love – in friendship, in partnership, and even in my own child.

102 thoughts on “A different kind of resolution

  1. I would like to voice my passion for your kind-heartedness in support of people that really want assistance with this particular area. Your personal dedication to getting the solution across came to be extremely helpful and has frequently encouraged ladies much like me to attain their aims. The useful publication indicates much to me and further more to my peers. Best wishes; from everyone of us.

  2. We are a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community. Your web site provided us with valuable info to work on. You have done a formidable job and our whole community will be thankful to you.

  3. I keep listening to the news update speak about getting free online grant applications so I have been looking around for the most excellent site to get one. Could you advise me please, where could i find some?

  4. Hiya, I’m really glad I’ve found this information. Today bloggers publish only about gossips and internet and this is really frustrating. A good website with interesting content, this is what I need. Thank you for keeping this web-site, I’ll be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Can’t find it.

  5. Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced to more added agreeable from you! By the way, how could we communicate?

  6. Hi there, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam responses? If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can suggest? I get so much lately it’s driving me crazy so any help is very much appreciated.

  7. It’s really a nice and helpful piece of information. I’m glad that you shared this useful information with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Keep up the superb work , I read few content on this internet site and I think that your web blog is rattling interesting and has got circles of superb info .

  9. Thanks for these pointers. One thing I should also believe is credit cards presenting a 0% rate of interest often bait consumers along with zero interest, instant authorization and easy on the web balance transfers, nevertheless beware of the main factor that may void that 0% easy neighborhood annual percentage rate and to throw anybody out into the poor house rapid.

  10. It’s the best time to make a few plans for the longer term and it is time to be happy. I have learn this submit and if I may I desire to counsel you some attention-grabbing things or suggestions. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article. I desire to read more issues about it!

  11. I’d need to examine with you here. Which isn’t something I normally do! I take pleasure in studying a submit that may make individuals think. Additionally, thanks for permitting me to remark!

  12. I precisely had to appreciate you all over again. I’m not certain what I would’ve done without the actual advice provided by you over such topic. It seemed to be a daunting setting for me, nevertheless taking a look at the skilled approach you dealt with it forced me to jump over delight. Extremely happy for your support and thus hope that you find out what an amazing job that you are carrying out training other individuals thru your webpage. I am certain you have never met any of us.

  13. Hiya, I am really glad I’ve found this information. Nowadays bloggers publish just about gossips and net and this is actually irritating. A good blog with interesting content, this is what I need. Thank you for keeping this site, I’ll be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Cant find it.

  14. But wanna remark on few general things, The website style is perfect, the content is very fantastic. “We can only learn to love by loving.” by Iris Murdoch.

  15. I am not sure where you are getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for wonderful information I was looking for this information for my mission.

  16. It is indeed my belief that mesothelioma is usually the most lethal cancer. It has unusual properties. The more I look at it the greater I am certain it does not act like a real solid tissue cancer. If mesothelioma is usually a rogue viral infection, hence there is the potential for developing a vaccine plus offering vaccination for asbestos subjected people who are open to high risk regarding developing upcoming asbestos related malignancies. Thanks for discussing your ideas for this important health issue.

  17. Thanks for these guidelines. One thing I also believe is the fact that credit cards presenting a 0% interest often entice consumers in with zero rate of interest, instant acceptance and easy on the web balance transfers, but beware of the most recognized factor that can void that 0% easy road annual percentage rate and also throw one out into the bad house in no time.

  18. Very efficiently written information. It will be supportive to anyone who utilizes it, as well as yours truly :). Keep doing what you are doing – can’r wait to read more posts.

  19. It’s in reality a great and useful piece of information. I’m glad that you just shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

  20. Hello there, simply became aware of your weblog through Google, and found that it is truly informative. I am gonna be careful for brussels. I will be grateful when you proceed this in future. Lots of people shall be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!

  21. I’m commenting to make you understand what a exceptional encounter my wife’s daughter undergone using your site. She noticed a lot of issues, most notably what it is like to possess a great giving heart to get others very easily have an understanding of certain tricky subject matter. You actually exceeded readers’ desires. Thanks for imparting those priceless, safe, explanatory and unique tips about your topic to Lizeth.

  22. Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post. I’ll certainly return.

  23. I do agree with all of the ideas you’ve presented in your post. They are very convincing and will certainly work. Still, the posts are very short for novices. Could you please extend them a little from next time? Thanks for the post.

  24. Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all folks you actually recognize what you are talking about! Bookmarked. Kindly additionally discuss with my website =). We can have a hyperlink trade agreement between us!

  25. I have learned some new items from your internet site about pcs. Another thing I have always considered is that laptop computers have become something that each residence must have for most reasons. They supply you with convenient ways in which to organize households, pay bills, shop, study, tune in to music and also watch shows. An innovative strategy to complete these tasks has been a laptop. These pcs are mobile ones, small, strong and lightweight.

  26. I and also my friends were found to be going through the nice tips and hints located on the website and all of a sudden developed a terrible suspicion I never thanked the website owner for those tips. These guys became so stimulated to study them and have in effect truly been enjoying those things. Appreciation for being really kind and also for making a choice on certain incredible issues most people are really desirous to discover. Our own honest regret for not expressing appreciation to you sooner.

  27. Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed! Extremely helpful information particularly the last part 🙂 I care for such information a lot. I was looking for this particular information for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  28. As I web-site possessor I believe the content material here is rattling fantastic , appreciate it for your efforts. You should keep it up forever! Best of luck.

  29. naturally like your web site however you need to take a look at the spelling on quite a few of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling issues and I in finding it very bothersome to inform the truth then again I will certainly come back again.

  30. of course like your website however you have to test the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find it very bothersome to tell the reality nevertheless I will surely come back again.

  31. Useful information. Lucky me I found your site unintentionally, and I’m shocked why this accident did not came about in advance! I bookmarked it.

  32. Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with a few pics to drive the message home a bit, but instead of that, this is excellent blog. A great read. I’ll definitely be back.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.