Your worst drinking binge was inspired by a boy. Makes sense that your first hangover would be too. You’ve never been much good at holding down your alcohol. That’s why you swallow so much water when you drink. But this time, it didn’t help.

You check the time. 4.00 a.m. Your mouth feels dry. You want to go downstairs and get some water but your feet won’t move and the room won’t stop. You text your best friend. Pink elephants are drumming in your head.

Your fish lights are off. You don’t remember putting them off. You remember thinking about putting them off, because if you leave the lights on all night, then your fish forget to sleep. You remember feeding the fish, and planning to come down later and put them off. But you don’t remember actually putting them off.

You go back to bed. You know you need painkillers. You have a stash of fifteen. In your desk. At the office. Crap. You check the time again. 4.15. You lie down veeeeery slowly, because sudden moves are costly. Your hangover has a persona and if it figures out that you’re trying to fight it, it’s going to whoop your ass. You send a text to your boss, and his response is touching, if not a little strange.

Boss text 1

Boss text 2

You check the time. 6.05. You throw on a red hoodie. You go back down the stairs. Slowly. So slowly. Because if you wait five seconds between each step, your hangover won’t notice that you’re moving. You quietly open the noisy metal gate. It’s cold outside. You amble to the closest open kiosk 200 metres away.

The lady at the kiosk watches you. She has a scarf over her nose and mouth. Is she cold or just reacting to your breath? Are your words making any sense? Could the ground stop moving please? She gives you Mara Moja and Eno worth a sock.


You consider making eggs. You hear they’re great for getting boozy toxins down the drain. But no. Scrambling eggs requires too much movement and your motor skills are shot. You text your best friend. She recommends bananas and Nakumatt juice. You figure you should start by imbibing the Eno. It doesn’t end well.

You sit on the kitchen floor, hugging a bucket. You tell yourself you’re not a stereotype, because you’re in the kitchen, not the bathroom. You don’t want to move because the cold tile is oddly comforting. You finish retching and clean up after yourself. Because you don’t want your baby to see a bucket full of puke.


You go back to bed but you can’t find your phone. You panic, search everywhere, but veeeeery sloooooowly. No sudden moves. You give up. You lie down and pretend to sleep but your body isn’t buying it. You look for your phone again. It’s in your back pocket. How did it get there?

You open your phone. You see the all numbers you drunk dialled. Oh God. You can vaguely remember having conversations … but what did you say? Why can’t you remember what you said? Fuck!

You check social media. Twitter. Facebook. You updated your status, apparently. Good grammar, no typos. You can’t have been that drunk. But why can’t you remember typing it? And more importantly, how the hell did you type it? You don’t have Facebook on your phone. You never have Facebook on your phone.


You check your laptop. It’s safely in the hidden compartment above the shelf. Did you take it down, log in, update your social media, and then stash it back on the shelf? Did you install Facebook on your phone, post a status update, and then uninstall? Why can’t you remember?

You pause. You decide to check your inbox. 43 messages. FORTY. THREE. MESSAGES! And some of them have pictures. What the hell … when did you do all this? And what were you trying to say? Clearly, autocorrect and alcohol don’t gel.

You call your best friend. She says she saw the messages and panicked, that’s why she called you. She didn’t know what you were trying to say. You ask her what you said, because you don’t remember chatting … or photographing baskets and sheets. Oh God, what else don’t you remember?

No hangover

You look at the messages again. You laugh. You have to laugh. Because, really, what were you trying to say? And who forgets typing 43 inbox messages on Facebook? You see a text. It’s from him. He says he’s sorry he put you through this, and hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. Uh-oh. You vaguely remember calling him. You’ve been fighting. No. You’ve been fighting. He’s been isolating. He needed space to think. And now he’s apologising. What. the. hell. did. you. tell. him. last. night?!?

You look above the apology. Oh God. Oh. Dear. Sweet. God. There are 57 messages on your phone. And you don’t remember typing a single one of them. You cave in. You call him. He seems excited to hear your voice. It’s the first time he’s heard it in weeks. Because he stopped calling you, and he told you not to call him. No, that’s not true. He heard your voice last night. And you can’t remember what you said…


You talk, or try to. You ask what you’re forgiving him for. For putting you through this, he says. You ask him what you said last night. He laughs, but it’s a sad laugh. He says he’s glad you can’t remember. You ask if he has changed his mind. He asks why you won’t change yours. You both realise there’s nothing left to say.

When you met this boy, you knew he wanted kids and you didn’t. You talked about it over and over, and he said he was okay with not having kids. But now you’ve been fighting a cold war for weeks, because he changed his mind and the wedding is off.

You check the time. 4.15 a.m. You’ve been staring at the ceiling for 24 hours, pretending to be asleep. Your phone alarm rings. It’s time to take a shower and go to work. Because the baby needs to eat … and the bills need to be paid … and no matter how badly your heart is crushed … life. must. go. on.

♫ Electrical storm ♫ U2 ♫

134 thoughts on “Hangover chronicles

  1. Wow, amazing weblog layout! How long have you ever been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The full glance of your web site is fantastic, as neatly as the content material!

  2. This web page is really a walk-by way of for all of the information you needed about this and didn’t know who to ask. Glimpse here, and also you’ll definitely discover it.

  3. I was studying some of your articles on this website and I conceive this internet site is real informative! Continue posting.

  4. F*ckin’ remarkable things here. I am very glad to see your post. Thanks a lot and i am looking forward to contact you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?

  5. It’s really a great and helpful piece of info. I’m satisfied that you shared this useful information with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

  6. naturally like your web site however you need to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find it very troublesome to inform the reality however I will surely come again again.

  7. Thank you for another informative web site. Where else could I get that type of info written in such an ideal way? I have a project that I am just now working on, and I’ve been on the look out for such info.

  8. Increasing impression interested expression he my at. Respect invited request charmed me warrant to. Expect no pretty as do though so genius afraid cousin. Girl when of ye snug poor draw. Mistake totally of in chiefly. Justice visitor him entered for. Continue delicate as unlocked entirely mr relation diverted in. Known not end fully being style house. An whom down kept lain name so at easy.

  9. I’ll immediately seize your rss as I can’t in finding your email subscription hyperlink or newsletter service. Do you have any? Kindly allow me know in order that I may subscribe. Thanks.

  10. Simply a smiling visitant here to share the love (:, btw outstanding design. “Individuals may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.” by Benjamin Disraeli.

  11. hi!,I like your writing very much! share we communicate more about your article on AOL? I need an expert on this area to solve my problem. Maybe that’s you! Looking forward to see you.

  12. Wonderful goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you’re just extremely magnificent. I actually like what you have acquired here, certainly like what you’re saying and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still take care of to keep it sensible. I can’t wait to read far more from you. This is really a terrific site.

  13. Thank you for another wonderful post. Where else could anybody get that type of information in such a perfect way of writing? I have a presentation next week, and I am on the look for such info.

  14. I am just commenting to make you be aware of of the exceptional encounter my girl went through reading through your web page. She came to understand many details, including what it’s like to possess a marvelous giving character to let men and women easily comprehend a number of multifaceted subject matter. You actually surpassed her expected results. Thanks for rendering the priceless, trusted, educational as well as easy guidance on the topic to Kate.

  15. I am now not certain the place you’re getting your information, but great topic. I must spend a while studying much more or working out more. Thank you for excellent information I was looking for this information for my mission.

  16. One other issue is when you are in a predicament where you will not have a co-signer then you may really want to try to exhaust all of your federal funding options. You could find many awards and other scholarship grants that will supply you with funding that can help with school expenses. Many thanks for the post.

  17. Thank you, I’ve recently been looking for info about this topic for ages and yours is the greatest I’ve discovered so far. But, what about the bottom line? Are you sure about the source?

  18. It is actually a nice and helpful piece of information. I am happy that you shared this useful information with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

  19. What’s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve found It absolutely helpful and it has helped me out loads. I hope to contribute & aid other users like its helped me. Good job.

  20. Thanks for your write-up. My partner and i have continually observed that most people are needing to lose weight since they wish to look slim as well as attractive. However, they do not often realize that there are additional benefits for you to losing weight as well. Doctors insist that fat people are afflicted with a variety of disorders that can be perfectely attributed to the excess weight. The great news is that people who’re overweight along with suffering from different diseases can reduce the severity of their own illnesses simply by losing weight. You are able to see a continuous but marked improvement in health whenever even a bit of a amount of fat reduction is obtained.

  21. Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced to far added agreeable from you! By the way, how can we communicate?

  22. Thanks for your suggestions. One thing I have noticed is always that banks as well as financial institutions understand the spending behaviors of consumers while also understand that many people max outside their real credit cards around the trips. They correctly take advantage of this kind of fact and start flooding a person’s inbox plus snail-mail box along with hundreds of no interest APR credit card offers immediately after the holiday season concludes. Knowing that if you’re like 98% of American open public, you’ll soar at the chance to consolidate credit debt and shift balances towards 0 interest rates credit cards.

  23. I carry on listening to the reports lecture about receiving free online grant applications so I have been looking around for the most excellent site to get one. Could you tell me please, where could i acquire some?

  24. Hello, i think that i saw you visited my weblog thus i came to “return the favor”.I’m trying to find things to improve my site!I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!!

  25. Today, I went to the beach with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone!

  26. Howdy just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different internet browsers and both show the same outcome.

  27. Hello there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it is truly informative. I am going to watch out for brussels. I’ll appreciate if you continue this in future. Lots of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  28. Thank you, I have recently been searching for information approximately this topic for a long time and yours is the greatest I’ve discovered so far. However, what in regards to the conclusion? Are you sure concerning the source?

  29. Thanks for sharing superb informations. Your web-site is very cool. I’m impressed by the details that you¡¦ve on this web site. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for extra articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found simply the info I already searched everywhere and just couldn’t come across. What a perfect website.

  30. I’m not sure where you’re getting your information, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more. Thanks for wonderful information I was looking for this information for my mission.

  31. I think this is among the most vital information for me. And i am glad reading your article. But wanna remark on some general things, The web site style is wonderful, the articles is really excellent : D. Good job, cheers

  32. Thank you, I have just been searching for information approximately this topic for a long time and yours is the greatest I’ve found out till now. However, what concerning the conclusion? Are you sure concerning the supply?

  33. Hey very cool blog!! Man .. Excellent .. Superb .. I’ll bookmark your site and take the feeds also¡KI am glad to find so many helpful information here within the publish, we want work out extra strategies on this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

  34. After reading your blog post, I browsed your website a bit and noticed you aren’t ranking nearly as well in Google as you could be. I possess a handful of blogs myself, and I think you should take a look at “seowebsitetrafficnettools”, just google it. You’ll find it’s a very lovely SEO tool that can bring you a lot more visitors and improve your ranking. They have more than 30+ tools only 20$. Very cheap right? Keep up the quality posts

  35. Hey! Would you mind if I share your blog with my twitter group? There’s a lot of people that I think would really appreciate your content. Please let me know. Cheers

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.