We all have different ways of responding to trauma and misfortune. Some of us suppress it until it eventually bursts out. Some of us crack jokes and make millions in stand-up. Some of us hide in alcohol, or drugs, or sex, or novels. Some of us build walls and never let anyone near us again. And some of us – many of us – pass on the pain to others.
Unfortunately, the people who receive that pain are often undeserving. You reject the nice guy or nice girl because of someone who wasn’t quite as nice. You become transactional in relationships with someone that’s given you their money – and their hurt. Sometimes, you get downright violent in your words, actions … or your stubborn lack of both.
I’ve explored religion a little bit, and while Christianity says to turn the other cheek, New Agey Buddhism says there is no cheek, there is no hurt. That everything happens for a reason and if you take a big picture view, that ‘nasty experience’ was for your benefit. Something in your past life (or the past life of your harmer) brought you together in this painful situation at your request.
While I won’t go that far, I don’t believe anything happens in a vacuum. Nothing is random in my world. There’s always a reason for the way things go. Now – in my line of thinking – a reason isn’t an excuse. It may explain what happened, but it doesn’t make it okay. Knowing someone was abused in childhood may explain why they hurt another child, but it doesn’t justify their action, or mean they should be forgiven.
Some of us are wired with empathy. When something bad happens to us, we do our best to make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else. Others are more drawn towards vengeance. If I suffer, we all suffer, and that somehow makes it fair. Like the example I like to use so frequently, two young brothers watch their dad batter their mum. One grows up thinking it’s normal – even expected – for women to be beaten. The other promises never to raise his fist.
They say the way someone treats you is a refection of them, not you. If someone abuses you, there’s nothing wrong with you. The problem is them. On the other hand, people only treat you the way you let them. Yes, they are the ones with a flaw, but as long as you sit there and take it, it doesn’t stop.
So I guess the trick is to know when to walk away, and have the courage to do it kindly. Be brave enough, strong enough, and soft enough to say, ‘Hey, I know you’ve been hurt, and I’m sorry that happened to you. And I’m not going to stay and let you do the same to me.’
Be wise enough to know acting out is not the same as working out, and indulging negativity is not a way to solve it. They need professional help, not a psychological punching bag, and that letting them use you to exercise their demons is no good for either of you.
Some people see that as abandoning someone that needs help. It feels more loving to martyr yourself, to give them another chance, to believe that your wholesome love will get through to them, heal their hurt, and make them better. You’ll be patient. You will fix them. And they will love your forever in return. You’ll be the one person in life that never gave up on them.
Or, you know, you’ll be dead.
It’s hard to walk away, and some people never do. They just stay there and take it forever, losing themselves in the process. So now you just have two broken people instead of one. Well, the older I get, the more I learn to be kinder to myself. Sometimes, that means refusing to ‘save’ someone else.
♫ human ♫ Rag ‘n ‘bone man ♫
I’ve learn several excellent stuff here. Certainly price bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how so much effort you set to make one of these fantastic informative web site.
It’s really a nice and helpful piece of info. I’m glad that you shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.
Great write-up, I am normal visitor of one’s blog, maintain up the excellent operate, and It’s going to be a regular visitor for a lengthy time.
Thank you a lot for sharing this with all folks you really understand what you’re talking about! Bookmarked. Kindly additionally talk over with my web site =). We may have a link change arrangement among us!
Great write-up, I’m regular visitor of one’s site, maintain up the nice operate, and It is going to be a regular visitor for a lengthy time.
Thank you for another informative website. Where else could I get that type of info written in such a perfect way? I have a project that I’m just now working on, and I have been on the look out for such info.
Perfectly composed subject matter, Really enjoyed looking at.
Thank you, I’ve just been searching for information about this topic for ages and yours is the best I’ve discovered so far. But, what about the conclusion? Are you sure about the source?
Thank you so much for giving everyone an extremely nice opportunity to read articles and blog posts from this blog. It is usually so great and also packed with amusement for me personally and my office fellow workers to search your web site a minimum of three times per week to read through the fresh guidance you have. And lastly, we’re at all times fulfilled for the attractive thoughts you serve. Certain 3 areas in this article are particularly the finest I have had.
Hello there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it is really informative. I am gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you continue this in future. Many people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!
I have been browsing on-line greater than three hours today, but I by no means found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty price sufficient for me. In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet might be a lot more helpful than ever before. “It’s all right to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation.” by Dr. Rob Gilbert.
Just wanna state that this is handy , Thanks for taking your time to write this.
Of course, what a fantastic blog and enlightening posts, I surely will bookmark your website.Have an awsome day!
Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a forty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!
great post, very informative. I wonder why the other experts of this sector don’t notice this. You must continue your writing. I am sure, you have a huge readers’ base already!
One more thing I would like to say is that as an alternative to trying to match all your online degree classes on days that you end work (since the majority people are drained when they return), try to find most of your sessions on the saturdays and sundays and only a few courses in weekdays, even if it means taking some time away from your saturday and sunday. This is fantastic because on the saturdays and sundays, you will be a lot more rested along with concentrated on school work. Thanks alot : ) for the different guidelines I have learned from your web site.
Great post made here. One thing I would like to say is that most professional areas consider the Bachelors Degree like thejust like the entry level requirement for an online course. Though Associate College diplomas are a great way to start, completing your own Bachelors opens many entrance doors to various employment opportunities, there are numerous internet Bachelor Diploma Programs available via institutions like The University of Phoenix, Intercontinental University Online and Kaplan. Another issue is that many brick and mortar institutions give Online variations of their qualifications but usually for a significantly higher payment than the companies that specialize in online higher education degree plans.
I am just commenting to make you know what a incredible discovery my daughter found studying your web site. She figured out many details, which include what it’s like to have a wonderful helping mindset to make the mediocre ones clearly learn several specialized subject areas. You actually did more than readers’ expected results. Thanks for offering the precious, dependable, explanatory as well as unique thoughts on that topic to Jane.
Two assure edward whence the was. Who worthy yet ten boy denote wonder. Weeks views her sight old tears sorry. Additions can suspected its concealed put furnished. Met the why particular devonshire decisively considered partiality. Certain it waiting no entered is. Passed her indeed uneasy shy polite appear denied. Oh less girl no walk. At he spot with five of view.
I don’t even understand how I finished up here, but I thought this post was once good. I do not realize who you are but definitely you are going to a well-known blogger in case you are not already 😉 Cheers!
Some genuinely nice and useful information on this web site, too I believe the style has got fantastic features.
My brother recommended I would possibly like this blog. He used to be totally right. This publish truly made my day. You cann’t imagine simply how a lot time I had spent for this info! Thank you!
Digital Marketing Manager Wien
Thank you for sharing superb informations. Your web site is so cool. I’m impressed by the details that you have on this blog. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for extra articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found just the info I already searched everywhere and simply could not come across. What a perfect web site.
I haven’t checked in here for a while as I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are great quality so I guess I will add you back to my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend 🙂
Do you mind if I quote a few of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your site? My blog is in the very same area of interest as yours and my visitors would truly benefit from some of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this alright with you. Thanks!
I’m so happy to read this. This is the kind of manual that needs to be given and not the accidental misinformation that’s at the other blogs. Appreciate your sharing this greatest doc.
This website online is mostly a walk-through for the entire data you needed about this and didn’t know who to ask. Glimpse here, and you’ll undoubtedly discover it.
Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced to far added agreeable from you! By the way, how could we communicate?
I¡¦m now not certain where you are getting your info, but good topic. I must spend a while learning more or understanding more. Thank you for magnificent information I used to be looking for this information for my mission.
Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all of us you really know what you are talking about! Bookmarked. Please also visit my web site =). We could have a link exchange contract between us!
You are my inhalation, I own few web logs and sometimes run out from brand :). “The soul that is within me no man can degrade.” by Frederick Douglas.
I like the helpful information you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your weblog and check again here frequently. I am quite certain I’ll learn many new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!
I like what you guys are up too. Such smart work and reporting! Carry on the excellent works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my web site :).
Hello. fantastic job. I did not anticipate this. This is a remarkable story. Thanks!
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. In any case I will be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again soon!
My spouse and I stumbled over here by a different web address and thought I may as well check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward to looking at your web page for a second time.
Aw, this was a very nice post. In thought I would like to put in writing like this additionally – taking time and precise effort to make an excellent article… however what can I say… I procrastinate alot and not at all appear to get one thing done.
You actually make it appear really easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be actually one thing which I believe I would by no means understand. It sort of feels too complex and extremely huge for me. I am taking a look forward for your next publish, I will attempt to get the grasp of it!
I’m so happy to read this. This is the type of manual that needs to be given and not the random misinformation that is at the other blogs. Appreciate your sharing this best doc.
Hello there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it’s truly informative. I’m going to watch out for brussels. I’ll be grateful if you continue this in future. Lots of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!
You have remarked very interesting details! ps decent web site.
excellent post, very informative. I ponder why the other experts of this sector don’t notice this. You should continue your writing. I’m confident, you’ve a huge readers’ base already!
With the whole thing which seems to be building within this particular subject material, your perspectives are generally relatively refreshing. Having said that, I am sorry, because I can not subscribe to your whole plan, all be it exhilarating none the less. It seems to everybody that your commentary are generally not completely rationalized and in simple fact you are generally yourself not really totally convinced of your assertion. In any case I did take pleasure in reading through it.
I just wanted to send a simple remark so as to say thanks to you for these precious tips you are sharing here. My incredibly long internet research has now been compensated with pleasant facts to talk about with my neighbours. I would admit that most of us readers actually are unequivocally lucky to live in a magnificent community with very many outstanding individuals with valuable methods. I feel pretty lucky to have discovered your entire web site and look forward to tons of more entertaining minutes reading here. Thanks again for all the details.
I also believe that mesothelioma is a uncommon form of cancer malignancy that is often found in people previously exposed to asbestos. Cancerous cells form within the mesothelium, which is a safety lining that covers many of the body’s internal organs. These cells usually form inside lining of the lungs, abdominal area, or the sac which actually encircles one’s heart. Thanks for sharing your ideas.
I appreciate, cause I found exactly what I was looking for. You have ended my four day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye
I like this post, enjoyed this one thanks for posting .
Spot on with this write-up, I really suppose this website wants much more consideration. I’ll probably be again to read way more, thanks for that info.