Burning out in 3…2…

I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to scream. I want to go and sit quietly in a corner by myself, shut my eyes, and let music take me away. But I can’t. I want to hug a certain someone, because he’s warm and kind and his arms are big and strong, and he always makes me feel safe and protected, like everything will be fine. But I can’t have that either, because Joe is too far away.

I’m at work, and I’m burnt out.

My boss adores me. He says I have limitless amounts of energy. That means no matter how much work he gives me, I will do it, and I will do it well. And I will do it without [much] complaint. Sometimes, when it gets too much, I will throw a tantrum. I have done that just twice in three years, so he knows it will pass.

But not today. Today, I am finished.

For the last two months, I have worked from 8.00 a.m. to 8.00 p.m. Sunday to Sunday. My child has seen so little of me that she has suggested I quit my job and go teach at her school so that she can see me more. She said she wishes I could get sick at work, so that I have an excuse to come home and hang out with her. She is only six.

I have worked long hours before, but not like this. In my line of work, we do this two or three times a year. We rush to meet deadlines during submission season, so for a few weeks at a time, we work all out, just like we are doing now. But this time, it’s just too much.

My gummi-juice is drying up, my reservoir is kaput. I’m so tired I can’t sleep, I just lie in bed with my body and mind sore, unable to function, unable to think, almost unable to breathe. I’m spent.

But I love my work. I’m committed to it. And I love my baby. So I keep pushing. I keep saying one more day, one more week, one more project then I can rest.

Last week I talked to my boss. I told him I was utterly exhausted, and that I needed a break. He said I could take two weeks early in August. That was it. That gave me drive. Each time I felt like collapsing, too tired to eat or chat or even to tweet, I told myself two more weeks, just two more weeks and I’m free! It’s all that’s been keeping me going.

Today is Friday. It has been decreed that we are not leaving this office till the project is done. Leo, hakuna kurara. My baby is pissed but I tell myself ‘two more weeks, just two more weeks’.

Then my boss called me. New project. It’s six months long, but they need it in one. He knows I can do it. He knows I will do it, simply because I’m me. He says he will give me whatever motivation I require [and he says it with confidence because he knows I won’t extort him. How I wish I had it in me to extort him!!]

He says I can have a month off, two months even, but only after I am done. He knows that by that time, our window slump will be gone, there will be other projects to be done, so no holidays for me. He knows that I choreographed my holiday keenly and carefully, because I knew it was the only time I could safely get away before next March. And he knows I will perform regardless, because I am me.

Except I’m not me, not anymore, at least not today. I’m finished. It’s taking all I am just to type this. I haven’t got the edge to handle this, I haven’t got the drive. I haven’t even got the time. What I’ve been using is borrowed. The only reason I haven’t crashed is because I was vice-gripped to the promise of those two weeks. So even the month he has promised after, I cannot see or feel it. For me, it’s nothing.

Lately I’ve been thinking about my faith. I love my God,and I want to live for Him, but I never do. There’s no reason for it, no excuse, no deep-seated psychological generational demon or anything. It’s just something I desperately want to do, but just can’t seem to.

I’ve made a new friend. He’s lovely and sweet and smart, and he teaches me something new every day. He’s deep and wise, and I’ve no idea how he got that way. But he helps me when I’m lost in my faith, and he doesn’t even know it. I value him a lot. I was talking to him yesterday, and I got so many lessons. I was going to say his name, but he’s really very private and he might get mad. Plus I don’t think he reads my blog. Just in case you do, you are one cool brother, and I’m very glad I met you.

Anyway, so thanks to this new friend, I got an insight. I prayed for the desire to love and serve my God. I prayed for the hunger, the thirst, the intense desire that will make me pursue belief with the zest it requires. I prayed for a miracle, an invitation to faith.

I’ve had lots of miracles in my life already. Enough to know that God is on my side, that He works in my life, and either I’m really really lucky, or he really really likes me. I know that He provides for me. He gives me everything I need in the very moment when I need it. His provision has ranged from a cheap house next to my office to a bonus to pay my baby’s school fees to a beautiful unknown career to the courage [and the necessary burst of adrenaline] to leave an abusive marriage. So why is it that I still doubt?

Because my God is dramatic. He likes things last minute. He likes to push us to the very edge of insanity before He pulls us back. He likes to take the Israelites right up to the Red sea before he parts it, or to push his son right to the very edge of despair, until the child cries ‘My Father, why have you forsaken me’ then he whispers ‘My child, it is finished’ and gives sweet release.

He likes to take me right up to the deadline, when I’m tugging at my hair and the landlord is banging at my door before I get the call that my money has come through. I don’t know why He operates like that, but he does, and it builds my faith. Well, it should. Instead, it fills me with doubt.

So I prayed for the courage to believe, and to keep on believing, no matter what. And then today happened. Perhaps this is my answer. Perhaps this is how I shall plant my kernel of faith. Perhaps this is my proverbial defining moment, when I finally truly realise what He is to me.

For the longest time I have wanted to hustle, to work freelance, to quit the rat race grind, But I am afraid to. I don’t know where to start. A few days back, my baby got so upset that I asked my boss to let me take my work home so I could be with her, he agreed. Best day ever. It strengthened my need to work on my own. Not for the money, not for the freedom, not for the space. Just to spend more time with my little girl.

This week I have seen so many freelance opportunities. I don’t know why they are coming now, or if they have been here all along and I just didn’t see them. I even got a side gig that paid in advance. How cool is that? But I’m so exhausted that I can barely hack it. I’ve applied for a bunch of those gigs, but I don’t know if I’ll get them. And even if I do, with my day job being what it is, I may not have the strength to fulfill them. I believe in signs and symbols, and this may be my time, but I don’t know … why now, in the very thick of timelessness and scheduled madness?

If I get my side job done in time, if I make it through this day, through this week, through my boss’ project, it will not be because of me. It will not be because of my talent or my intelligence or my competence. It will not be because of my endless bubbles and my boundless energy. It will be pure unadulterated providence. Coz I’ve soaked my wick with tears, crumbled it and bled it dry. My fire is gone, quenched beyond redemption. This candle is utterly, totally and completely burnt out. Father, please take me home.

I am thankful for my weakness, because it is only when I am weak that I can see my Jesus’ strength. Thank JC, and be blessed.

CreedOne last breath

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Tonight I couldn't sleep so…

…now I know what insomnia is like **grin**

So it’s no secret that I’m mad about psychology, and that I love my MBTI. I’m always trying to get people to do the test. I know of two INFJs, but for some reason, I just don’t like them. I’ve no idea why. I so wanted to find out, so I went in search of blogs. Found out a lot of interesting stuff, good, bad, happy, sad.

I liked this:

I’m 31 and have recently discovered that I am an INFJ. Oh my God-today I feel like I’ve had a breakthrough! I’m not NUTS! LOL!

I am the stereotypical INFJ. I’m an artist, have been since birth practically, I draw, paint, photograph religiously, I’m finishing up my BFA finally with a double major in Photography and Drawing. I feel like I’ve fought so hard to live up to other people’s expectations, esp. my parents. (It never worked) I love and cherish my alone time, I read constantly, not just for school, I am just a fanatical learner. I have a small group of close friends and that’s it. I married an ESTJ, and I think we’ve been a great match so far…I’ve never felt like the popular one, never fit in, in some ways, never wanted to.
(Even in the art dept, I don’t fi
t in. They dress like they went to Goodwill, I dress… normal!)

I’ve always felt like the outsider looking in, I hate crowds and loud people…I would rather sit at home on the weekend and paint, or work on the computer, or redecorate my house. Someone mentioned having coffee with friends, and that sounds like the perfect outing to me. I am always thinking about the future, and sometimes that’s the only thing that gets me through the present. I chuckle when I read about having a strong sense of justice, because nothing gets me angrier in this world than to see someone get wronged. I struggle with crowds, so I take classes online, and I love it!!


I also liked this:

Extroverts are like aliens to me. I look at them with curiosity. What in the world goes on inside their pretty heads?

And I especially liked this:

Being an INFJ to me, is like living inside of a locked house with a very pretty front lawn. People walk by and they see things that they like. A few people even stop and admire the house for awhile, and then move on. Some people try to pluck the flowers out of the ground, taking advantage of the beautiful yard when they don’t think anyone is watching.

But I’m always inside, and I always see the people walking by. Only a few people stop to see if there is anyone inside of the house. At one point it bothered me tremendously what other people thought of me. Then I learned I was an INFJ. My curiosity has been insatiable. I read everything I can get my hands on. When I realized that I was perfectly normal, for an INFJ, and I felt better immediately. I stopped trying to put on an act for other people, and I immediately felt a sense of peace come over me, a sense of peace that has been very new to me. I feel very contented, because everything I’ve read has validated my feelings and validated my existence. It helps me to

counteract the effects of the times I heard from others that I was, “weird”.

Well, world, I’m not weird, I’m an INFJ, and I’m just as normal as every other INFJ. Ah, that feels so good to say.

I’m uncomfortable talking with everyone. That’s normal for me. I’m very easily amused, and very easily thrilled. That’s normal for me. I love people, but I usually doubt that people love me. That’s normal for me. I don’t like to be the center of attention. That’s normal for me. I would rather spend my saturday evening reading than drinking. That’s normal for me, too. I have faith that life will only get better for me if I keep looking toward the future, and working hard in the present. Wowee, I do so many normal things for an INFJ!!! I’m so glad I learned about MBTI.

When I was young I was often told by my teachers, and also by my parents that I was a smart kid. I also got messages from my family that smart people are dumb. Smart people have no common sense according to them. And to a large extent, I lack what they consider to be common sense. I can’t fix a car. Sometimes I put off doing dishes because I value conversation and connection with another human being over chores. I’ll switch my major from engineering to communications, just because I know it’s better for my happiness, even if it’s not better for my wallet. I care very little about my financial situation, now or in the future. I have goals for my life that I planned out when I was little. My most important goal is that I want to be happy. I want to be happy in my career, and in my family life, and with a few strong friendships. I had a sad childhood, and am busily trying to overcome it. I also have a strong drive to be the best I can be. I’m rather competitive. I like to be held. I like it when people thank me for helping them, and the feeling is especially good when I helped them without realizing that I did, just by being me.

My best friend here says, “You usually don’t know what’s going on, but you usually know just what everyone’s feeling.” My boyfriend says, “How did you know I wanted to go inside? I didn’t tell you.” and he says, “How did you know I needed that hug? I didn’t tell you.” He’s an INTJ. He’s very perceptive, too. But not so much about people’s feelings. When I need a hug, he usually happily obliges, once I tell him I need a hug.

I absolutely love being an INFJ. I love having access to this great store of knowledge. I love my creativity. I love my intense and varied moods. I love intrinsically knowing people, sometimes better than they know themselves. And I don’t mind that I don’t like big parties. I don’t mind that I don’t like office politics. I don’t mind that I think about things a lot and analyze them like crazy. I like being me. I like being an INFJ. I’m completely normal.

Thanks to Megan, I can stop defending myself about this compulsive need to defend myself, because I know it is me. I can stop questioning why I write what I write, because it is me. I can grin when I say that I love to be cuddled, and I will immediately dismiss as a potential boyfriend any man that doesn’t like to cuddle, sorry boy.

I can smile knowing that I adore twitter because it lets me reach people one-on-one from a nice safe distance. Bliss! It’s like it was built for INF [and T] Js, custom made! I can be content with my likes and dislikes, and with seeing through people in a way others don’t see or understand. I can know that no one is above faking, not even INFJs,and I can grin knowing that even though I’m sometimes fluff to others, I am always true to me, because that’s just the way I am.

I can accept that it’s hard for me to accept that people like me, and to believe that I am popular, but that it is even harder for me to realise that for no distinct reason, some people out there don’t like me, and some of them are my friends!! I can accept that I can’t change their minds, but I know not to beat myself up for wanting to. That’s me. I can stop questioning why I am not ‘like other girls’ because it is me. Heheh yes Nzembi, I know what you said about that. **grin**

But best of all, I realised that almost all the deep, dark, whiny INFJs I read about today found love. Happy love! With all the creepy, crawly, crazy zany quirks, they found a special someone to accept and love them, and not all of them were E’s! So yes, I can also stop questioning why I am unnaturally drawn to I’s, it is simply me. I can stop being upset that while I respect and comprehend my beloved ones, I am still scared by my Fi’s when they go into themselves and shut me out, coz that’s me too.

I can admit that I hurt easily because it’s my nature, and not blame myself for being weak. Instead I embrace that part of me, grin, bear it, and get over it. I will not run away. I will not hide to avoid hurt then hate myself for hiding. Instead I will shine, hurt, and heal.

Finally, and happily, I can recognise my feelings, my thoughts, my reactions, and even my responses to those thoughts, feelings and reactions without apologising to anyone, especially to myself. Today, I’ve grown beyond a resigned acceptance, I’ve flown past the wry smile. I’ve gone hukooooo way ahead of acquiescence. Today, I embrace myself, and I celebrate all that I am.

So now, I has a happee. Yay!! He’s out there somewhere, and I shall find him. We will work on it, we will compromise, but above all, he will love that I am a BJ-phobic commifrigid antistriptease waxallergic I-specific pseoudopushy uberclingy nymphoprude, and he will love to cuddle me in my sleep, and he will love my little girl and the little girl inside me, and I will be happy. Just like I am now. So there.

Wenye wivu meza we—>?

**grin**

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Breaking down

The strangest thing happened today. I crashed, and I have no idea why.

The day started great, I was ridiculously happy for no particular reason, all giggling and dancing and rocking away, planning to finish the fifty pages of editing that was my target for the day. I was sure I’d be through by three.

Then we had some crazy staff meeting that took half the day, and I got some stupid text message that upset way more than it should have. Maybe it’s a culture thing, maybe some people are slow, maybe I’m just more &^&*%^*(&^ than I thought, but for whatever reason, I got upset. Very upset.

At first I was so mad that I sat completely still, shaking on the inside. Then it all came out and I ranted at anything in reach, mostly chat, twitter and email. Then I felt a wave of ‘Nobody understsands me, nobody sees why I’m mad’. Actually, even I couldn’t really see why I was mad, so I went back and ‘rubbed’ all the tweets. Yeah, I know.

Then I charanted some more to a pal who was probably staring at his screen doing the SMHW thing, asking himself how he made friends with this nutcase. One brave soul [and how I love this boy] actually came out and said ‘Crys, you’re being crazy, calm down’. Yes, I do sometimes need some people to grab me by the shoulders and shake me back to sanity. Note that I say some people – because if certain other people tried that, they would swiftly lose a few teeth.

Anyway I went to the bathroom, locked myself in and cried until my chest hurt. And prayed. I have no idea what I was praying for, but as I sat in there with my heart breaking for no reason I could understand, I prayed. I still had no idea why I was so upset mind you.

Then I came back to my desk for the customary quiet. Because everytime I lose my temper, I’m left with this sickly vacuum, I feel deadly quiet, calm, empty. I hate that feeling, that still sadness. It hurts more than any emotion I possess.

Then I started to curse myself, to wonder why I have to be such an ass about everything, why I have to get so unreasonably pissed about stuff, why I take certain things so personally, why I feel like I have to explain the inexplicable to the people I care about, and why I get hurt when they can’t understand me, even though i know that I am clearly impossible to understand. Loveable yes, but utterly incomprehensible.

Then I heard this song and just like that, it all went away.


You’re worth so much
It’ll never be enough
To see what you have to give
How beautiful you are
Yet seem so far from everything
You’re wanting to be
You’re wanting to be

Tears falling down again
Tears falling down

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you’re drowning
In your imperfection

You mean so much
That heaven would touch
The face of humankind for you
How special you are
Revel in your day
You’re fearfully and wonderfully made
You’re wonderfully made

Tears falling down again
Come let the healing begin

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you’re drowning
In your imperfection

You’re worth so much
So easily crushed
Wanna be like everyone else
No one escapes
Every breath we take
Dealing with our own skeletons, skeletons

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you’re drowning
In your imperfection

Won’t you believe, yeah
Won’t you believe, yeah
All the things I see in you

You’re not the only one
You’re not the only one
Drowning in imperfection

Imperfection by Skillet

There are days when I doubt the existence of God, but then I pray, and I hear a song sung straight for my heart, and I know that I can never doubt.

Thank you JC, you’re the best.

And thank you W, D and J for letting me be me, and for loving me for me. You are probably not going to read this, but you are my rocks and I would be lost without you. For you I reserve endless love and hugs from the deepest part of my silly little heart. Group hug, heehee. (((You)))

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