Once again I am disillusioned with relationships. I just found out that a man I respect and admire greatly is, after all, just a man. Sigh.
Said man has been married to my friend for ten years, and they have four beautiful babies, two boys and two girls. He lives in shags where he has a good job, while she lives in nai with the kids. They agreed on this because the kids can get access to better schools in Nai. It was a mutual decision, and he visits them whenever he can. They were, to me, the ideal couple.
In the last few weeks, several women have called my friend up, and contacted her on email and facebook, claiming that she is messing with their man, and that she better step because they are not going to give him up.
She is shocked and traumatised, because, 1. She is his legal wife 2. She has never suspected him of being unfaithful 3. The women have proof of their liasons 4. It is a mixed marriage, and the man’s family approves of these other women, since they are from acceptable tribes 5. The man is not denying it.
When the first woman called, the man mollified his wife and swore he’d end the three-year affair. When the second woman showed up, just days later, the man told his wife to do whatever she wants. He’s not fighting it anymore.
Apparently, the side-dishes are now fighting each other. They all know that he is married, and he made it clear from day 1 that he loves his wife and will not leave her. So the other women have been attacking each other, and when that proved unsuccesful, they turned on the wife. That’s when shit hit, and now my friend is in a state.
The saddest thing is I keep thinking, if this man can cheat, then really, who can be faithful? He says, like many men do, that he loves his wife, and that the affairs are just [longlasting] meaningless flings. He doesn’t even consider it cheating, it’s just scratching an itch, consistently, for a really long time. Everyone does it, he says. That’s why he continues to sleep around yet refuses to leave his wife.
Conventional wisdom says that when your partner cheats, you must have driven them to it. The cheatee must have something that you don’t. They must be providing something that you are not, and that makes it your fault.
But what if the cheatee really is just an itch? What if your partner loves your height and is temporaily tempted by somebody shorter? Or taller? Or darker? Or lighter? Someone with a softer voice, or a louder voice? How do you fight that? And what if, being an itch, they hide the scratcher really really well? How do we tell the difference between an expert hider and a true partner?
If this guy could cheat on that scale and never get caught, then which wife/girlfriend or for that matter husband/boyfriend is safe? All those guys who I thought were real men, maybe they just haven’t been caught yet. Sigh. This sucks.
In related news.
I never did quote that verse in Isaiah [or one of the other major prophets … Jeremiah maybe? Or Ezekiel] that says six women will fight for one man. They will say ‘You don’t have to take care of us or our children, we only want your name’. It’s listed as a sign of the endtimes, together with that ish about getting branded with 666 signs on your forehead or wrist, and not being able to buy or sell without ‘the mark’.
A lot of religious types have theorised about this stuff for ages. I don’t know what theories are real or fake, but I read them and get intrigued. The most popular theory is that the 666 sign will be put on your forehead or wrist via microchip. Theorists say that because, logically, an electronic scanner can check your wrist or head for a barcode-type chip which will let you trade, just like a credit card. It’s a common feature in all futuristic movies and books.
A week or so ago there was an article in the paper about how people are being jacked and forced to drive around with thugs for several days while the thugs empty their accounts via timed ATM withdrawals.You are forced to divulge your pin, then held until your account is dry.
A writer suggested one way to defeat this is to have our ATM codes imbedded into our skin via a chip, so that you have to physically be present to withdraw cash. He suggested that a thug might cut off your finger or wrist and use it to access the cash, lakini the ATM readers can be programmed to read live cells only, so would reject the dead cells in a mutilated body part…
I’m just saying.
When the current pope was being selected, Hal Lindsey of CBN released some prophecy from the 1100s that allegedly listed all the popes from that time till the end of the world. The prophecy stated a bunch of uncannily accurate titbits, including a suggestion that the current pope would be a benedictine. Something about olives and wine, I forget the exact words. That was a week before the pope was selected and chose the name Benedict. There’s also something about three olive trees on his pre-popal gear, I’ve no idea.
It went on to say he would be a transitional pope who would not ‘rule’ for very long [hehehehe, it’s been, what, 5 years now?] and that the pope who takes over from him will be the last. The final pope will allegedly take the name Peter. Again, I’m just saying.
The Anti-christ is supposed to rise after a time of economic breakdown [kinda like a global recession?] and turn the world around into a thriving haven of peace and prosperity. So, me, I’m waiting for the turnaround. When this recession ends and suddenly all’s well with the world and some iconic international figurehead shows up claiming victory, I’m going to buy a 7 year hourglass and a scientific calculator. I’m just saying.
Thinking about stuff like that scares me, in a sense. I’m a believer, so I’m not really afraid for me, except of course for the torture that is prophesied for believers. I’m totally chicken when it comes to pain.
What frightens me is my little girl. Does she share my faith? Does she believe what I believe? Can I help her to believe what I believe? I don’t go to church, my faith isn’t about people or buildings, it’s something I know in my heart. Can I teach that to her? Can I make her think like me?
There’s a verse in Revelations that says the good will go on being good, and the evil will go on being evil. The way the world is now, it’s hard to convince anyone to believe in God unless they already do. That’s what makes me afraid for my little girl. I already believe in God, but does she?
Will she ever grow up and marry and have kids of her own? Will she live to see teenage? Will I grow old? Will I ever find my soulmate? And if I do, will I believe him when he pledges himself to me? Will my trust be justified?
Do all these plans I have for the future matter? Dreams of Sasha the Red, of buying my dream penthouse, of saving for my little girl’s college, of starting my first major investment, of moving from mainstream employment and into my side-hustle … will any of this come true? Does it even matter?
I’m not about to sell all my possessions and find a bunker, I already have my Bible. I’m just wondering if there’s a point to any of this, that’s all. I am realising that we are at a place where now is all that matters. Where the things I do here, the thoughts I think today, well, they could be it. Because tomorrow, there might be someone at my door waving one of those anti-terrorist electronic swipe thingies and asking me to show him my mark.
I’m just saying…
As Billy Shakespeare who wrore a whole bunch of sonnets said in Much Ado About Nothing,
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh nor more;
Men were deceivers ever;
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never;
As for the second bit, well, what a revelation! The end is nigh!!!
mambo bwadd….kucheza cheza na wife hivi *phew phew*
I’ve come to theorize that maybe, just maybe, polygamy is like a sexual orientation that’s exhibited by most men, moreso African men, so that sleep around only because society has forced them to be monogamous? Is it realistic to expect that you will never be cheated on?
In the very Bible that talks about the 7 women and stuff, there’s a dude who has like 700 wives and several concubines, see what I mean. And he supposedly is the wisest of them all.
Read Ecclesiates, and you realize all is meaningless. Work hard, gal, but not to the expense of your happiness. I’m philosophical like that!
Your Bible will probably be safer in a bunker….. I’m just saying.
I firmly believe that the claptrap that we have been feeding the men has got everything to do with what they end up doing. You keep telling a child he is no good and will amount to nothing, he believes it.
A man himself decides that he will be faithful or not, nothing to do with the genes, itches, instincts, men to women ratio etc. As for those women who claw each other senseless over a man I do not know what goes on in their minds especially since they knew in the first place that he is married. Good men exist in plenty they just do not shout from the rooftops or make headlines. 😀
That was going off into the deep end…the bunker bit.
The story of the 3 chicks, the wife and the man is a bestseller movie waiting to happen – Where are all the creative minds of all things Riverwood in Kenya.
As for the cat fights and the attacks on phone and FB its an inevitable illustration of the age old pissing contest of marking one’s territory – some call it the animal instinct in us.
I shudder though that the actions of the said man can be so generalized and taken as an SI unit to measure the actions of men by concluding that after all, he is just a man.
It would be equally unfair for example, to surmize that African women are nasty pieces of work based on the actions of a friend of mine who came abroad for her studies, has a husband and 2 kids at home, and visits at least once a year – but lives with another man out here as a de facto husband of convenience.
LOL CB…as the boys of the Semper fi persuasion would testify, there are a few good men lurking about.
LOL…good old google.
A few good men, the common colloquialism for the US Marine Corps – Always faithful
i need 2 get 2 a pc n writer a proper comment. was reading this while taking a stroll. deep as always
There are of course many faithful men. But I’m not sure how many could keep that going while living long term away from their families. More to the point I’m not sure the sort of man who stays faithful would *want* to live away from their wife and family – so bit of a warning bell going off at that sign to start with.
Re: your daughter & her faith. I have found that by having open and free conversations with my son about my philosophical belief system, he has ended up agreeing with me and sharing my overall values.
I don’t think you can ‘make’ someone believe something – in fact the harder you try the less likely it is to work.
But you can use a tried and tested technique beloved of writers the world over “Show, don’t tell.”
Best wishes to you and your friends and family.
LOL! There are called situations. I am not surprised though. I will not throw stones since i live in a glass house:(. It happens. African Men have always been polygamous.
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