Posted on by crystal · 4 Comments

So…

So I finally watched Shuga…

There’s a bunch of things I like about it.

  • I like that it shows more than it tells. There is so much information delivered subtly by the movements of the actors, and no pointless narration. A common [and extremely irritating] characteristic of some movies is the endless speeches. I like that in this film, the script is succinct. My props to the actors too for expressing emotion so well! Totally cool.
  • I especially like that the characters don’t constantly call each other by name like in those Mexican soaps:

“Forgive me Orlando de la Monte Cristo, it was not my intention to harm you.”

“But you did harm me Maria de Almeida and I will never forgive you. Never!”

“But Orlando de la Monte Cristo, they made me do it! Please Orlando de la Monte Cristo, you must be-lieve me!

“No Maria de Almeida, I will never believe you!”

Or, more recently…

“Rose, you must live.”

“No, Jack, not without you.”

“Live Rose, you must live.”

“I’ll never let go Jack, I’ll never let go”

Blah blah blah. I am so glad there was none of that in this movie.

  • I like that the Christian crowd in it is cool. Christians are always portrayed as boring and prudish in movies, so it’s nice to see some actual real normal-type Christians.
  • I like that the virgin girl is funky too. Again, girls like that are often portrayed as lost, prusidh and shady. Yet Valerie somehow made virginity look cool. Virginia, not so much.
  • I like that the issues showed through without sounding preachy. That’s really rare. Most times when someone tries to do a movie or a song with a message, it ends up sounding annoying and dumb. Just try listening to the ‘Save the whales’ song by Simple Plan. I think it’s called Crazy, ironically. Now that right there is punk rock at it’s lowest. Tsk tsk.
  • [For the record, j’adore Simple Plan, but something about that song is just wrong. No, everything about that song is wrong. Srsly!]
  • The quality of production in Shuga is just brilliant!! The shots are beautiful, the soundtrack flows seamlessly, is totally mood-appropriate, and is neither overwhelming nor submerged. The editing is superb, the acting is natural, the sex scenes appear totally unforced and tasteful, the actor’s reactions are authentic, and there are very few corny lines. Nice!
  • The wardrobe is superb! Did you see all those shoes?
  • [With the one exception of the singing church-girl’s hair. That’s just wrong.]
  • And why was everyone wearing those immensely annoying scarf thingies? What are they called again? Now I know I’m utterly a fashion misfit, but seriously, those things are just shady. Seriously.
  • Yes, I am aware that nobody says  *cough* cough*shady*cough* anymore.
  • That Leo is just soooooooooooooo pretty! Can anyone say Cougar?! YUM!!
  • [He is no competition whatsoever to my beloved Sailor, but man, that Nicholas Mutuma (that’s his birth name) is hot! Rrrrrr. ]
  • What. I like pretty boys. **cheeky grin**
  • Still on the pretty boy, I like that they used the gorgeous one to be Mr Nice Guy for once, instead of the standard assexual dopey side-kick type nice guy.
  • And I like that they had a boy feeling guilty about impulse sex. Usually it’s just the girls that do that. Maybe because we’re emotional and have more to lose.
  • It’s interesting that I didn’t notice His Prettiness until close to the end of the movie. In the first scene where he was labelled ‘fly guy’ I was just like pfft. But then he turned on the nice and suddenly, zee aaaiiiiiiiz! I think the sweetness makes him more attractive. He probably wouldn’t be as yummy playing, say, Skola.
  • Heeheehee Dr Roundhead Sheath.

The one thing I didn’t like about it was the artist placement. I mean I know big names sell, and it was perfectly ok to see DJ Adrian spinning in a club, and Antoneosoul and Valerie had active roles, so that was cool. But I really don’t see how Nonini, Nameless, and Jimmy Gait’s cameo appearances helped anything. I’m just saying.

Also … panty removers? Is that like a cocktail or something? I mean, I’ve heard of Archer’s Smirnoff Ice Panty droppers, but panty removers? Really?

I am so old.

Oh, the subtitles. Heh heh heh. Somebody needs to check the subtitles. Minister of Choomz, that’s all I’m saying.

Bring on the pretty jail-bait prey **rubbing hands** Those eyes! That smile!

Yep. Two separate pictures. God bless google images. *wrist on forehead*eyes shut*dramatic victorian swoon*sigh*

Ok, now that my silliness is done away with, I’m off to get tested. This movie has done good. Much good. Kudos and all that. Somebody please get these Vimeo Bomb people to make many, many, many more; they’re so much fun-ner than Bollywood.

I’m not entirely sure I liked this movie. One reason I sense this is because after using an entire gig of bandwidth streaming it, I watched all three episodes simultaneously [in mini-bites, pun intended] and after it was done buffering, I didn’t bother to replaying it to watch the smooth version.

A second reason is that apart from Nicholas ‘Leo the Pretty Boy’ Mutuma, I didn’t bother to check the credits.

I always check the credits.

I’m the chick in the movie hall that the sweepers hate coz I won’t leave till the screen goes completely blank.

So the fact that I didn’t bother with the credits means it didn’t impress me much.

This coming from a girl whose favourite book is Wuthering Heights, favourite movies are Minority Report, Kill Bill, Shawshank Redemption and Castaway, and who liked Wanted so much she watched it two times in a row. I got to the end, rewound it, and started again.

Yes, I did say rewound.

That said, there is a lot in Shuga that I liked. And, in case it isn’t clear yet, what I loved most was the acting. The scenes were all so real, and that was totally cool. The soundtrack was excellent too. And the pretty shoes. For that alone I say bow down.

♫ I’ve got a loaded gun [god?] complex, cock it and pull it ♫

♫ Sugar we’re going down ♫ Fallout boy ♫

Posted on by crystal · 8 Comments

Blue. And not the good kind.

I went to the hotdog stand today, you know, to get a hotdog. I’m feeling pretty down and hotdogs are the ultimate comfort food after ice cold weetabix. I’ll need that, later.

The hotdogs are doused in mayo and ketchup, and dipped in diced, salted onions. I usually skip the pickles and mustard, coz I’m not a pickles-and-mustard kinda girl.

Today should be a good day. I mean, the office closes tomorrow, and I just found out I have 2 months worth of freelance work. Yay! Plus we get a Christmas bonus, and I can maybe hit the beach Friday.

So why am I so sad?

I’m having one of those … how long has it been? More than a week I think. Maybe it’s because the pretty boy that I adore is stuck in the middle of nowhere and I have no way to hug him.

Or maybe it’s because the Nanny just walked in and said, ‘We have no water! What are you going to do?’ I hate when she does that. She creates an impossible situation then wails, ‘What are you going to do?’ As in

  • ‘Dada, it’s 2.00 a.m., the shops are closed, we have no bread for Princess’ breakfast. What are you going to do?’
  • ‘It’s Friday morning. You always wear jeans on Friday. All your jeans are dirty. What are you going to do?’
  • ‘You left me housekeeping money to last two weeks and went on a work trip. I finished it in three days. We can’t reach an ATM. What are you going to do?’
  • ‘You’re late for work and I just burnt your favourite shirt. What are you going to do?’
  • ‘I fought with princess over TV channels and she locked me out of the house. What are you going to do?’

Times like that it’s all I can do not to shove the dear girl’s head down the toilet and flush it.

I suggest a solution to the water problem: ask the landlord’s wife. She’s a sweet old lady, she will know how to talk her hubby into opening the well for us so we can fetch water. Nanny decides she doesn’t like this idea so she goes out, banging the door behind her, and all I can do is sigh and try not to scream.

Oh soap bubbles.

Princess decides to take advantage of the ‘nobody can see me’ moment and throws her food away. She hates eating. I am too tired to spank her so I give her some quiet time in the naughty-girl corner.

And the child falls asleep. Sigh. So much for punishment.

Granted I was in a foul mood when I came home. She asked me why I’m sad and I said I’m just tired.

“Mummy, you’re always tired.”

Yes I am. I’m stressed out. And I don’t even know why.

My face has been a mess lately. I’ve tried facials, steam baths, water … nothing works. It’s like I suddenly developed Achne. The bad kind. Even my boss has noticed. The lady at the salon figures it’s stress, but it won’t go away and I can’t make it stop 🙁

I can’t control my emotions. They just spiral and twirl away all on their own, and I hate that. It’s like being a teenager. Except I don’t have the reckless i-can-do-what-i-want trip. I can’t do whatever I want. I’m an adult and a mum. I have stuff to do.

I wish the pretty boy that I adore wasn’t so far away. Coz I could really use one of his famous fix-all hugs right about now.

I have to go listen to agonising screams plait my baby’s hair now. Sigh. Too bad my noise-blocking headphones are broken.

PS: The creepy black vampire guy in New Moon is Kenyan-born. His names’ Edi Gathegi. Sweet!!

♫ Secret smile ♫ Semisonic ♫

Posted on by crystal · 112 Comments

The joy of headphones

It’s that time of month when I get cravings for sugar and … other things … and when my face breaks out. Meh. I have got to find a way to fix that. The cravings I can handle, the skin problems, not so much.

So I’m sitting in my room with the lights off and my headphones on high. Also, some e-books from the pretty boy that I adore. Thank God for sweet guys.

About those headphones.

I have heard people sing with headphones.

Hehehehehe.

I always assumed the reason they sounded so … tortured … was because they can’t quite carry the melody. Like those people who try to sing you a famous song [and they will even tell you its name and artist], but you still have no clue which one they mean coz the tune is … well, it just isn’t there!

Or being serenaded by a teenage boy. Not the pretty castrato type, I don’t mean those. I’m talking about the regular my-voice-is-breaking type that vascillate between ‘sexy’ inaudible mumbles and frightfully girly squeaks.

Also, really, anyone singing Halo and sounding like a strangled cat has to be at least partially tone deaf, right? Can’t blame them entirely though, coz those modulations and ad libs can get tricky!

But I love to sing, and I do it fairly well. So when I’m getting some headphone therapy, I sometimes take said headphones off for a few seconds while I sing, so I can listen to my level of, you know, [strangled] catitude. Of course I sound fine, and conclude that my, er, singing, is bothering no one.

So here I am, singing along to Justin Timberlake’s ‘What goes around comes around’ as I read my e-book and wham! It hits me. It’s not about tone at all!

Well actually, it sort of is.

See, I assumed that the reason for headphone-itis is that you can’t hear yourself, so you can’t tell when you’re off key. Or, alternately, with songs in rock or Beyoncé … without the instrumentals or the ad lib, they just sound wrong. Try singing Naked Eye with the guitars & drums on mute and you’ll see what I mean.

Consider as well that many modern songs are more like, you know, chants. Every line sounds the same. Think Monica-Brandy boy is mine. Or Savage Garden-Truly, madly deeply. Take away the [instrumental] track and you basically have people droning. It’s not even real talking, coz there’s no inflection. Transcribing these songs into solfa is torturously dull. Believe me, I had to do it for music class.

But the true cause of headphone-itis is pitch.

Let’s face it, we’re no Justins on Mariahs. So while we may all be very good with the actual tune, it’s not quite so easy to jump between the high and low parts.

For example. What goes around. In the verses, his voice is kind of low and mournful. I believe the right term would be weepy.

Then in the chorus, he totally changes and goes all whinny.

Result being, I sing the verses an octave higher just so I can keep up, then when I get to the chorus, I can sing in my normal baby voice.

And of course it’s worse with the harmonies, since you will start out singing lead, then jump to the back-up then back to lead … and with true rock songs, you can actually sing the guitar.

Think 911 by Wyclef Jean and Mary J. You start out singing Wyclef’s part, then you jump to Mary’s part, and by the time you get to the pweo-pweo-pweo guitar part, anyone watching is thinking ‘Please God, just shoot me now!’

Now, this all sounds fine to you, you have an in-speaker orchestra.  But the person outside just hears rumble-rumble-rumble-squeak-squeak-tenenenene-bam-kaPow!

Hence, headphone-itis.

But but but…

… it’s just so fun!

Go on, grab some headphones. You know you want to…

♫  Awena ♫ Kassim♫

I just love the way he whines ‘penzi langu hulihitaji Awena-a-a-a-a-a-a … kipenzi changu Awena-a-a-a-a-a-a-a’ Then the instrumentals tu-lu-lu-lu-lu and the humming at the end na-na-na-na-na…