Posted on by crystal

Mind over common sense … or something like that

I was talking to a good friend yesterday, and I told him my actions are different from my words. I’ve done so many posts about the stupid things girls do in relationships – mostly because I do all those stupid things myself. It’s very easy to say what you shouldn’t do. It’s far less easy to actually not do it.

Some people say those who can do, and those who can’t, teach. That’s probably why women who write romance stories are multiply divorced, though it could also be because they’re looking for a Prince Charming who may not exist.

I told my friend the dichotomy was all in my mind. I’m a fairly smart person, so I can analyse and synthesize perfectly sound solutions. And because I’m a writer, I can express them in terms so clear it’s almost magic. But then I turn right around and follow my heart. I can write down all the reasons why I shouldn’t stalk his ex, and then I’ll go on facebook and check her latest upsate. Sad really.

My friend had an interesting response to my confession. He said, ‘You’re just being yourself, and that’s perfectly fine.’ They’re magical words those, and they made me smile. His words often make me smile. Sometimes when I’m demon-fighting, I’ll hear his words in my head and they’ll sharpen my sword and set me straight again. We should all have friends like that.

A tweet I read this morning re-inforced the idea, reminding me why I so love Sometimes, cute is a complimenttwitter. I don’t if I’ll ever get back to 100 tweets a day, but it does feel good to be Birdie again.

I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t judge me by my words. I may sound all smart and sensible, but that’s really just grey matter, and when it comes down to it, I rarely listen to the little guys up there.

So what should you judge me by? Beats me. In an ideal world, nobody would judge at all. Words spoken by the little grey girls, because I’m the most judgemental person I know. I even make judgements on Manga.

If we all listened to the grey guys, we’d be a lot better off. But then again, we’d probably be sterile solar robots that reproduce by Petri dish.

♫ Something to be ♫ Rob Thomas ♫

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My journey through The Secret

I got into The Secret about a year ago. I had just read Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch, and was toying with the idea of chakras, accupressure, and yoga. I even started the root chakra humming meditation thing, but I kept daydreaming , and I’m too unfit for lotus.

[Accupressure is just like accupuncture, except you use pencil erasers instead of needles.]

I was discussing it with a pal who said:

‘I’ll tell you something, but only if you promise to shut up .’ I didn’t really understand what he meant.

[Turns out he finds The Secret blasphemous, and went nearly senile when I wouldn’t stop talking about it. So much for following instructions.]

I spent a whole morning looking for the PDF online, and even sent a friend to get one from the local bookstore. It cost Tsh 25,000, but I paid it gladly. I then sat down and read it cover to cover.

At the time, I was into curly hair, green eyes, and soul mates, so I made that my first project. Two weeks later, I had a date. I took this boy out for soda and Morocco burgers. He had curly hair and beautiful green eyes, and he completely confused me for about two weeks.

I’d known the guy online for a while, but the pictures didn’t clearly show eye colour, and he always wore a baseball cap so I couldn’t see the hair. It was so cool to see The Secret in action.

Green Eyes wasn’t the right guy for me, but he still felt awesome to manifest. And a few weeks after that, I hooked up with the love of my life. I had known him and adored him for years, but we cloaked it as friendship, and I’m glad we finally took ourselves out of the closet. He makes me so happy that I cry sometimes, and every time I think of him, I smile.

I made a Gratitude list last November, as part of my Secret Journey. The book says to start a sentence with:

‘I am so happy and grateful now that…’

You complete the sentence with all the things you desire – dream car, dream house, soul mate, everything. Then you believe you have received the items on your list, imagine yourself having them, visualize yourself enjoying them.

Some weeks back, there was a guy at Maendeleo House selling ‘Free’ Audio bibles with the purchase of any DVD, so I bought The Secret. I watched it three times, then wrote a new Secret list. It has 5 items.

I dug out my old notebooks to see my original Gratitude list. That one had 15 items. As I read through the list, I noticed that the Top 5 had come true! Sweet!!

In the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking of getting a good watch. I’ve been operating on 100 bob timepieces that die after a month, so I wanted something to last a little longer. Last week my mum sent me a package that had two watches – one for me, and one for princess. Yay!

We switched. I gave her the pricey digital one and kept the cheap clockface with an shiny ornamental strap, because I’ve also been shopping for charm bracelets. When I went to a watch shop to get  battery, they all commented on how unusual my watch was. Apparently, it’s not as cheap as I thought. Double yay!!

I’ve also been thinking of getting a nice set of headphones like the DR brothers. Yesterday, my little brother brought me that exact pair! Granted it’s made in China and is clearly a knock-off, but it looks just like iCon’s! Baby brother wondered why I wouldn’t stop squealing.

I recently upgraded my dream car to a Burgundy X6, and I have a very clear idea about my dream house. It’s a 25th floor penthouse with attic-style roofing, a master suite jacuzzi, and a heated pool. As far as I know, they don’t make such buildings in Nairobi, but I Secreted it none the less. Yesterday afternoon, a link on twitter led me to this.

Can you say  yay?! It isn’t quite my dream home, but it’s a good start, and I totally did my spazzy dance. You know, the weird one from The Ugly Truth?

I still have five items on my list, and big dreams to fulfill. But I’m not afraid, because I know love and The Secret will get me there.

PS: Rhonda Byrne has a new book out called The Power. I’ve tried reading it, but it’s a harder to get through than The Secret. It’s a lot prettier though.

PS2: The Secret is actually a conc-sounding name for The Law of Attraction, which is a roundabout way of harvesting kharma. It’s difficult to accept, but it works, and I’m happy, so yay!

♫ Hot ♫ Avril Lavigne ♫

Posted on by crystal · 120 Comments

First pregnant women and now trolls

A few weeks back, I confronted a makanga. Last week, I argued with a pregnant lady. And yesterday I fought with a troll. It’s a descending spiral of violence assertiveness, and I suppose I should have known better. The first rule of the internet is not to respond to the %£$%$^$&^%$&£ but he rubbed me the wrong way, and he was really, really annoying.

The first time he spoke, I sat on it for a few days, then responded through somebody else.  See, the troll had kicked up some stirring, and the new guy hit me in response, so I swiped them both with one broomstick. I ended yelling at the wrong person, who, by the way, was mature enough to apologise. The troll, on the other hand, just kept on pushing. Some people are just built that way.

The next time he posted, it wasn’t directed at me, so I just nkted, tsk tsked, highlighted the nut, and went on with my day. But the third time he did it, it made me so mad that I went onto Gmail and repeatedly called him a name. The name was idiot. I felt my sentiments were strong and that I should direct them in person, rather than catfighting in public for all the web to see.

 

Mr Troll chose to be offended, and suggested I should express my sentiments on the wall instead of posting them on email. [Can you say facebook?] Now, if I called you an idiot in private, why would you want me to repeat it in public?

Trolls are all about attention. They want you to get up and yell. After all, if you argue with a madman, no one can tell the difference. It’s like the story of a guy who jumps into a river. While he’s swimming, a crazy person comes and grabs his clothes. The naked swimmer then jumps out of the pool and sprints after the crazy guy who’s holding his clothes. When people look, they don’t see a man stealing clothes. They see a crazy naked dude harassing Millicent Bystander.

So really, attacking a troll is futile at best and ridiculous at worst. Still I took the bait and exchanged a couple of emails, then told him to go away, because he was messing with my kharma.

He didn’t go away. He quoted William Ruto. Like seriously? I call you an idiot and you respond by quoting William Ruto? Seriously?!

Now, in all honesty, I should know better than to talk back to a troll. The best approach is usually to ignore them. But I have to admit, it felt pretty good to fight back. It didn’t achieve anything, because an idiot is an idiot and a troll is a troll. Still, it felt good to stand up for myself. Granted, it’s far more empowering to break the brother’s nose, but I could get arrested for that. Plus, I punch like a girl.

After the exchange, the troll dared me to paste the conversation online, word-for-word, just to be sure I don’t give a biased viewpoint. I’m still thinking about that. But by the time he made that ‘request’, I’d gotten all the piss out of my system and could hardly be bothered to swat the fly away. So I just said ‘hmph’ and moved on to my next email.

Is there a lesson in all this? I’m not entirely sure. I guess I’m getting bolder, or maybe I’m getting older. I admit the war of words was childish, but it felt good, and I feel achoven. I’ve always said people shouldn’t mess with CB, and I guess I’m finally walking the walk. I don’t know whether or not such sagas will end well, but I’m feeling pretty good right now.

Now I just need to stop punching like a girl.

♫ Sound of pulling heaven down ♫ Blue October ♫