Disclaimer: I’m exaggerating. Really. I am.

A few days ago, Princess develeoped a cough, so I went by the chemist to get her some medicine. I was in there maybe half an hour, and I left with Augmentin 457, Rhinathiol Blue-Bottle, 6 painkillers, and a pink packet of Alltyme panty liners. What.

The painkillers were for me by the way.

I’d had a persistent migraine, mostly from freelance stress and lack of sleep, so she gave me six pills and said I should take three a day. I’m pretty sure she said their name was Betapain, and the pills were pink. Also, she said they’d make me drowsy.

I got home and went on with my work, then at about 4.00  p.m, I started feeling sleepy. I hadn’t slept in 23 hours, and I tantrummed at my life coach, but I figured the drowsiness came from the medicine. I was talking to Mr 3CB and sounding drunk and goofy, so he made me go to bed. How I love that boy.

Next morning I woke up grinning. I haven’t slept that well in years! I did have one creepy dream about skiving school … and chicken. When I told my life coach about it, he asked if my meds were hallucinogenic. I said no. How can pink pills hurt anyone?

The following night, I still felt really crappy. I worked way past midnight, and I had to be up in four hours, so I popped another pill. It worked. My four hours felt like 10.

Somewhere amid that work funk, I mentioned to a friend that I experiment with Baileys. Sometimes. Well, actually, two times. Once he’d picked his jaw off the floor, and somewhere in between a discussion on clowns, I mentioned that it’s a bad idea to sniff heroin through your nose. Cocaine, yes, but heroin, no.

I’m pretty sure I heard the jaw shatter that time.

He diagnosed work stress, since he knows *I don’t drink* and I expect him to show up any day now with a priest, a rabbi, and Margaret Wanjiru, kuniwekelea mikono. I can’t translate that without losing the flavour, but it involves exorcism.

By the way, that nose heroin thing? I heard it while watching Pulp Fiction. Say what again. I dare you. I double dare you.

Back to my pink pills. I’ve been telling anyone who will listen how I love these pills, and how I’m glad I only have six, because I can’t stop wearing this goofy grin. I’ve only had two by the way, though this dose makes three.

I’ve had a long day, and I barely slept last night, so I’ve decided to skip Machachari and have an early night. I woke up this morning with my nose running at 6 sneezes a minute, and every time I sneeze, my head spins. I get dizzy while sitting down, and I haven’t had any pink pills since Thursday, so if it’s not unrelated, it’s withdrawal symptoms. Anyway, I decided on an early night and popped a pill to help.

When I opened the blister pack, the medicine wasn’t pink. It was yellow. What? Also, the brown envelope – as well as the blister pack – doesn’t say Betapain. It says Syndol.

Either I’m having a really bad case of gaslights, or I’ve been on a legal high for the last three days.

When I told Mr 3CB I was worried about addiction, I was just kidding around. But as I get myself prepared for a much needed stress-and-drug induced sleep, I decided to Google Syndol and see what would come up.

1. Advantages: Quick and effective in dealing with migraine and tension headaches.
2. Disadvantages: Make you incredibly drowsy. Codeine based medication so can become habit forming.

Oh man. What did I get myself into now? Clearly, my low threshold for substances runs deep. I get high by sniffing Reds, and now I’m addicted via three yellow pills in three days? How now?

More excerpts from a Syndol review article on Doo Yoo:

I must stress that these tablets don’t come without a few side effects. First off, they do make you more than a little light-headed. I would best describe the sensation as being a little tipsy. Everything does become a little bit hazy, and it feels like people are talking to you from a great distance and it’s taking you an age to respond. I just tell my work colleagues I’ve taken a couple of my “nutty” tablets (their description…not mine!) and to bear with me for the day. They then understand that asking me to respond to a simple enquiry or deal with a menial task may take me a little longer that day!

Side effect number two is extreme drowsiness.

The third possible and worst side effect of Syndol is that it can become habit forming if you take them on a daily basis. Syndol are codeine based, and therefore potentially addictive. Codeine is known to be addictive as it contains opium derivatives (like a mild form of morphine). These opium derivatives trigger the brain into releasing chemicals called dopamine, which induce feelings of happiness and well-being. Codeine is known to give the user a high and make them feel calmer. Allegedly, some individuals can become hooked on codeine based over the counter medications within three weeks, if taken continuously and to excess.

I’m going to sleep now. Tag me in the morning. Meanwhile, in the immortal words of Eminem …

Em: Me ♫ I’m going to hell. Who’s coming with me?♫

HaileyPrincess: ♫ Somebody plee-aase help me! I think my daddy mummy’s going craaaay-ze! ♫