I don’t know what drives a man to rape. No, that’s not true. I know exactly what drives a man to rape. Power. Or more accurately, lack of power. Exerting force over something or someone else makes us feel stronger. So if we feel weak, the best way to restore our confidence is to find someone weaker and prove ourselves.

A rapist may feel a sexual urge due to an unrelated trigger. He may like the way the target looks, or how they carry themselves. Their target’s manner might evoke an internal sexual response. They might be on a high from a victory in battle, or from drugs, or culture, or social interaction, or even basic pressure to fit in.

But the act itself – the actual rape – that’s always about power. The power that comes from knowing they can get away with it, and that they are now bigger, stronger, better than the person they have raped. They have defeated their target’s resistance. They have put their target in their place.

Or worse, they have punished someone close to the target, like a husband, boyfriend, brother, father, tribesman … mother. Because sometimes, rape has nothing to do with the selected target and everything to do with the target’s loved ones.

power

This morning on my way to work, I saw three street boys. It was cold and rainy, and the boys were asleep on the pavement near the Komarock stage. Their clothes were grimy and their skin was exposed. I wondered how they could sleep when I was huddled and shivering even in my endless layers of clothing.

The boys were my daughter’s age, barely teens. I looked and them and shuddered. Because those boys will grow up to be men. They will be angry and bitter and hardened. They will detest anyone that has a better life than them, and this rage will turn on anyone that happens to be alone in their path – including my daughter.

We’ve said over and over again that rapists come in all shapes and sizes. Your demoralised husband after a hard day’s work when you’re too tired to soothe him with your body. Your horny boyfriend after a night out with the boys. Your date who thinks spending cash entitles him to sex. Your teacher who sees you as a woman, not a child. Your dad, because you look exactly like you mum when he first met her.

pop-quiz-what-causes-rape-copy1

The emasculated brother-in-law who resents your husband. Your neglected grand-dad who feels spited by oncoming impotence. Your desk-mate from prima who was furious you tore his love-notes while you beat him in exams. The neighbourhood boys who despise the pretty church girl for keeping her knees closed.

The friend who hates you seeing him as a brother. The ‘cool guy’ you ignored on front of his boys. The random dude that catcalled you and felt disrespected when you didn’t respond. Your brother’s pal who’s seen you in shorts and t-shirts since you were two. The man at the kiosk who thinks kuma ni kuma hata kama ni mtoto.

We can’t really protect ourselves from those rapists, because we hardly ever see them coming. But there’s another kind of rapist. The shifty guy that lurks in alleys waiting to drag you away. The violent robber that breaks into your house despite your best attempts at security. The carjacker that targets your matatu.

109880894
And chances are this kind of rapist was once a lost kid sleeping in the rain.

I’m doing all I can to give my baby girl a better future, but there are things I can’t protect her from. I can’t keep her safe from an angry bitter world, or from the rage and entitlement of kids society gave up on. Kids that are now men with the fists, the time, the opportunity, and the remorseless fury of the damned.

As I watched those sleeping boys this morning, I thought someone – anyone – should do something to stop them before they grow up. To grant them a sense of purpose and direction, some food, a warm dry place to sleep. To give them dignity and value so they don’t grow up hating the world and targeting my daughter.

I don’t have a solution – at least not yet. But I know that I have one more thing to keep me up at night; finding a way to sort out street kids before they become street men. If not for their own sakes, then to keep my daughter safe. Because the best way to stop women from being raped is to prevent men from feeling the need to.

♫ Leech ♫ Eve 6 ♫

135 thoughts on “Tomorrow’s rapists”

  2. I¡¦m not sure the place you are getting your info, but good topic. I must spend some time learning much more or working out more. Thanks for excellent info I used to be searching for this information for my mission.

  11. I don’t even understand how I finished up here, however I thought this post was great. I don’t recognize who you are however certainly you’re going to a well-known blogger for those who are not already 😉 Cheers!

  12. I like the helpful info you provide in your articles. I’ll bookmark your blog and check again here regularly. I am quite certain I will learn many new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!

  13. F*ckin’ awesome things here. I am very glad to see your article. Thanks a lot and i am looking forward to contact you. Will you kindly drop me a mail?

  14. Admiring the time and effort you put into your blog and in depth information you present. It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed information. Fantastic read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  15. I intended to write you that little observation to help thank you once again for your personal lovely knowledge you have provided in this case. This is really pretty open-handed with people like you to offer openly what most of us could have marketed as an e-book to make some cash for their own end, particularly seeing that you might well have done it in the event you desired. Those basics in addition acted like a easy way to be certain that many people have a similar dream similar to my very own to see whole lot more when considering this condition. I believe there are millions of more fun moments up front for individuals who find out your website.

  16. of course like your website but you have to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find it very troublesome to inform the reality nevertheless I’ll certainly come back again.

  17. After reading your blog post, I browsed your website a bit and noticed you aren’t ranking nearly as well in Google as you could be. I possess a handful of blogs myself, and I think you should take a look at “seowebsitetrafficnettools”, just google it. You’ll find it’s a very lovely SEO tool that can bring you a lot more visitors and improve your ranking. They have more than 30+ tools only 20$. Very cheap right? Keep up the quality posts

  21. I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I do not know who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already 😉 Cheers!

  24. I have been exploring for a little bit for any high quality articles or blog posts on this sort of area . Exploring in Yahoo I at last stumbled upon this site. Reading this information So i am happy to convey that I’ve a very good uncanny feeling I discovered just what I needed. I most certainly will make sure to do not forget this website and give it a look on a constant basis.

  25. Thanks for your submission. I also think that laptop computers have gotten more and more popular these days, and now are often the only type of computer used in a household. This is due to the fact that at the same time that they’re becoming more and more reasonably priced, their computing power keeps growing to the point where these are as potent as personal computers from just a few in years past.

  28. Today, I went to the beachfront with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!

  29. Nice weblog here! Also your website lots up fast! What web host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I desire my web site loaded up as quickly as yours lol

  30. Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive read anything like this before. So good to find someone with some original thoughts on this subject. realy thank you for beginning this up. this web site is one thing that is needed on the net, somebody with somewhat originality. helpful job for bringing one thing new to the web!

  31. Hi there, I discovered your website by the use of Google at the same time as searching for a similar subject, your web site came up, it seems to be good. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

  32. Wow, incredible blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is excellent, as well as the content!

  33. Hi, Neat post. There is an issue with your website in web explorer, would check this… IE still is the market chief and a good element of folks will pass over your excellent writing due to this problem.

  34. Its like you read my mind! You appear to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with some pics to drive the message home a bit, but instead of that, this is magnificent blog. An excellent read. I will definitely be back.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.