It’s not really a question. There are certain kinds of people who – based on their actions and MBTI – seem to have no feelings. Of course it’s entirely possible … maybe even probable … that they do have feelings and are just really good at hiding them. Or suppressing them. Or dismissing them.

I’m not one of those people.

I think about my feelings. Which is a strange thing to say, since thoughts and feelings are generally said to be, you know, polar. As an INFJ, I’m a feeler, but I’m also a thinker. I need for my feelings to make sense (and they very rarely do) so I use my brain to analyse them, to figure out where they’re from, what drives them, what they’re all about. This rarely works. Because, you know, feelings. Pretty much their whole point is to not make sense.

I’m feeling pretty low lately. It’s not a depression thing, or even an anxiety thing. I’m not there yet. I’m just very, very low. It’s probably a money thing. Janworry may be over for most people, but it seems like 2017 is a hard year. Elections and high school and corruption and strikes and such means there’s generally less in the bank.

I’m a hoarder. I like to see big numbers in my account. So whenever the figure is lower than I would prefer, my mood dips with it. Of course I’ve taken steps to remedy this mess. More side gigs, less spending. And it’s actually working out really, really well. The balance is rising bit by bit. Except I seem to be dwelling on the negative, focusing on what I’ve lost instead of what I have.

It would be nice to end this on a positive note. Count my blessings, taste the sunshine, blah blah blah. But that wouldn’t be true, because in this moment, I just. feel. low. Still … it will pass. It always does =)

♫ Believer ♫ Imagine Dragons ♫