Posted on by crystal · 119 Comments

Love is fickle

I’ve always kept notebooks where I write random nonsense. The stuff in my notebooks ranges from budgets and book lists to movie quotes and song lyrics. Sometimes, I write love poems in my notebooks, then once I’ve gathered enough of them, I use them for a real book. But I only write poetry when I’m stressed, depressed, or in love. Anyone who know me knows my best work is inspired when I’m deep in all three.

This morning, I was looking through one of my old notebooks, and I bumped into this…

My deepest ache begets my broadest smile

as far inside I crumble.

I long to hear your gentle voice

when here in truth I stumble.

For you I shed a lonesome tear

yet salt, she flows ecstatic,

For in your absence is no fear

but longing, full and drastic.

You are my joy, you are my pain,

in both, my ache is equal.

I laugh so much I often cry,

yet still demand a sequel.

[*Editor’s note: there I have lied, that doesn’t  even rhyme*]

To love you hurts…

I wouldn’t trade that for all the world.

You don’t just kill me softly, you kill me with silence.

I miss you. Please call me.

Now here’s the thing. I have no idea who I wrote that poem for. I can’t even remember writing it. Maybe I got it out of a book or something, but I highly doubt that. The date on the poem says 10th November 2009, 10.38 a.m. Hmm.

I consider myself a romantic, and each time I love, I love truly and deeply. But then again, I also crush on almost every guy I meet, and I get over relationships fairly fast … except of course for this one. This one took me over a month to heal.

Still, if I can love so deep and so often, I wonder if I really love at all. And if I can’t remember him two years later, then poetry or no poetry, he can’t have meant that much to me. It makes me pity all the men I’ll ever love. Will I recall my feelings for them two years down the line?

Posted on by crystal · 131 Comments

Silent tears

My form is wrought in steel,  encased in iron,

Unbreakable, as only you can know.

All my days, I hide my silent fear.

From mountains, I yell my pain.

But inside, nobody knows, nobody sees.

When the moon is out, I pray.

I long for my love whose heart is strong,

whose hands are firm,

whose shoulders are broad enough

to hold my tears

and not be afraid when I cry.

Posted on by crystal · 117 Comments

Only Marshall can make beauty out of violence

♫ Just gonna stand there and watch me burn ♫

♫ That’s alright because I like the way it hurts ♫

♫ Just gonna stand there and hear me cry ♫

♫ That’s alright because I love the way you lie ♫

I bumped into this song in a very interesting way. I was having a chat with a very special person, who just happens to be an ex Mr 3CB. We have the same taste in music, so he’s always sending me songs and stuff. Today, he sent me three suggestions. The second song was Beautiful from Relapse, and the third was a song about nonpoints and bullets which made me giggle for a really long time, though I’m still not sure why. I didn’t much like the Relapse song. Too much jazz. But I’ve been playing this one non-stop. The count is at 55.

At first, I wasn’t sure just what I liked. I’ve had the song on my iTunes for months, but I didn’t pay much attention. I mean really … Eminem featuring Rihanna? How now? I glanced at the song info and skipped it more than once. It took Sailor to make me sit up and listen, and only because he has good taste.

When I heard Rihanna whining in the beginning, I was like wtf? But then her voice dies off suddenly and I’m like hmm, this could be interesting. When the beat began, I thought, ‘Hmm, catchy’. Then I started to listen to the words and I was gone. First, it has Em’s trademark rhyming. I just love the way he uses enjambment. Or, maybe it was caesura.

[Disclaimer: I had to Google that one. I know the technique from Mr Murimi and Lit 101, but I couldn’t remember the terms. I suck at details.]

Enjambment is when you stop a sentence in poetry [or rap] partway, to create rhyme and rhythm. Caesura is when you do the same with sound. I think.

♫ High off of love, drunk from my hate ♫

♫ It’s like I’m huffing pain and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate ♫

♫ And right before I’m about to drown, she resuscitates ♫

♫ me. She fucking hates me and I love it. Wait! ♫

♫ Where you going? ‘I’m leaving you.’ No you ain’t ♫

♫ Come back we’re running right back. Here we go again. ♫

I just love the way he rhymes words that don’t rhyme. I like the tricky word play and the little puns you have to scrutinize to get. Stuff like huffing pain[t].

Of course it helps that the subject is deep, and that it’s handled so uniquely. It helps a lot more that the instrumentals are so awesome. I did more than my fair share of air strings – or whatevere it is they’re using to get the basso profundo. Is that what it was called? That effect where there’s a constant droning bass line? It might have been basso ostinato, I forget.

Anyway, this song clearly moved me. I tweeted about it for well over an hour, and I’m still OCD-ing as we speak. There’s something magical about the way some songs grab me, shake me, and won’t let me go. I’m just a little concerned that lately, a large number are done by Eminem.

There’s a part 2 to this song and I hunted it down on Twitter. It’s not as good as the original, though Em’s verse is amazing, and the song has some pretty serious drums. I thought about it more, whether this is really love, this furious, angstious dependency. It’s powerful and unhealthy, but you can’t deny its passion. I don’t think I want a ‘love’ like that. It makes you feel alive, but it can kill you too.

Either way, I’d still like to buy Marshall tea and pick that brain of his. As long as he doesn’t go Mariah on me. I’m just saying.

♫ Love the way you lie ♫ Eminem featuring Rihanna ♫