You know that episode in Ally Mcbeal where Billy chips, gets divorced, has an affair and dyes his hair platinum? They all think it’s a mid-life crisis, but it turns out he has a brain tumour. And just before he blacks out and dies, he discovers Ally is his one true love, not Georgia.

Yeah, just thought I’d throw that out there.

Coz the platinum hair was really cool.

So I woke up this morning rather … sore … on the inside that is. I’m into LOA these days, and my Sifu says I continue to create in my sleep, and that I must go to sleep thinking happy thoughts. Ngingi helps.

But I’m kind of on the BT, and yesterday I was sort of giving Master Sifu the silent treatment, mostly because he said I couldn’t watch this video I spent all day loading. And when I wouldn’t listen, he put the power off. *russumfussumallpowerfuldeitiesandsuch** So I went to bed cranky, woke up more cranky, and by the time I got to work, I really wasn’t myself. So I figured I could be myselves instead.

Therefore then.

I reactivated this account just to see if it still worked, and whadd’you know, it does. Nice. But then I am still pretty attached to this one which at some point was actually this one, and I figured, why not keep both?

Then I started doing my little indian fist jig, jumping between accounts and whatnot, which was kind of fun. It’s quite possible that someone doused my tea with coffee, coz I do feel more than just a little … odd.

Anyway,  what led to all this is the realisation that few people trust me. They believe I will mouth off every single word they say to me. And in all fairness, I probably will, if it involves me. Like for example, if I have a crush on that-boy-that-I-am-not-allowed-to-have-on-account-of-he-belongs-to-somebody-else, then I will probably tell him, and then go crying to one of the K15.

But if the same boy tells me he has a frightful fear of, I don’t know, giant green killer tomatoes, I will probably not tell anyone else about it. Except I just did. Oops. Oh well. I guess your secrets aren’t safe with me after all. *sheepish grin* Please keep them. Or else you will come after me with a pitchfork and a torch, and I already did that scene, twice. It wasn’t fun. For real.

So I realised that  a lot of my drama is self-inflicted. Or rather self-attracted. Yes, I am a magnet for drama, and my queendom is a dictatorship. Does that make sense? No? In layman’s terms, I am a drama queen, and my subjects are drawn to me by sheer wordpower. According to Master Sifu, the more I talk about drama, the more I attract it.

So I will be sitting here peacefully minding my own business, whining about my latest quandary to whomever among the K15 hasn’t tired of me yet. Usually it’s K10, coz he’s the sweet, infinitely patient one. Or K3 coz I tell him everything. Sometimes K13 coz he gives realistic advice and is allowed to give me a ngoto, or K7 coz he’s beautifully biased and always takes my side. My personal favourite is K2 coz he always says exactly what I need to hear, But he’s really far away so I can’t always find him when I want him. Le sigh.

Anyway, I’ll be sitting here binge-ing on milk and ranting when wham out of nowhere I will find myself knee deep in a fresh sewer load of … well, whatever resides in fresh sewer loads.

Yesterday I decided enough. I will not speak, I will not whine, I will sit here quietly and do nothing.

And guess what. Nothing happened!!

Cool, yes?

Except it wasn’t. Coz I was sooooo boooored! I had nothing to talk about! I tried to have a chatversation and it was like:

Hi CB.

Hi K5. Wsup?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing.

Ok, bye.

Ttyl.

I mean really, wtf? Nothing? I know I suck at smalltalk, but seriously, nothing?!

Sad conclusion, my life is unbearable without drama. I mean I could always sit in a corner, pull a root mudra and meditate, but where’s the fun in that? I only enjoy it in contrast to my constant chaos, I like the relief it gives me from buzzing around like a Gummibear high on seaweed or cheap sawdust.

Le sigh.

That’s probably why I went with the schitzotwenia today. I needed a little dose of crazy to up my ante. Mind, I don’t start fights for the sake of it like some people do, and I do have moments when I like my peace and quiet. I just have more moments when I like it loud. Feel free to sweep the gutters with this one.

So.

I am two tweeters. For now. It will keep me sane as I attempt to keep the drama within my head. I will hurt fewer people that way. I’ll probably write more screenplays too.

In other news.

Some days I wake up and I don’t want to talk to someone. Other days, I go to sleep because I don’t want to talk to anyone. And saturdays, I wake up and feel ok, maybe I can find you again. Maybe. That makes me a whatever-it-was-that-you-called-me. Fine, it’s me, it’s all I know how to be. So go eat an ice cream.

Now, you, yes you, with the … you know yourself. All of you three. I am not apologising, I stand by my words even now. I’m just saying it wasn’t my intention to offend you.  That is all. Now go get passive aggressive and break a light fixture, yell at a wall, or stick pins in my effigy or something. It’ll make you feel better. Seriously.

Yes, I’m that arrogant. Sue me. I have a pretty lawyer *cheeky grin*

And this is why mindreading is generally not  good idea. Don’t do it. Just don’t.

PS: I’m up to 2GB a month. Yay! ♫ She-geek ♫ She-geek ♫ Na ♫ na ♫ na ♫ na ♫ na ♫ na.

No, it does not count that most of it is streaming audio.

♫ Hole in the head ♫ Sugababes ♫

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