Disclaimer : Random. Very very random.
So I’ve bumped into some people lately who have just rubbed me the wrong way. If you know me at all, you know that I never ‘bump into’ people except online. So bumping into people generally means I found a new blog, or chatmate.
Thing is … I’m an instant-impressions person. So when the insta-reaction is bad, that’s it for you, tunaishana friends. Yes, I know it is ridiculous to make such a judgement based on a blog or chat-versation, but yeah. I read people, their words, their actions, their blogs, their ‘vibe’. And I make conclusions which are sometimes right. Okay, 65% of the ‘sometimes’, I am right.
A few times I have shelved said impressions for future review. Same results. Hmm. And when said impression is bad, I will rack my brains for ages to find a valid reason. Note that I do not say a right reason, true reason, fair reason or even factual reason. I say a valid reason. My dislike has to make sense to me, even if it doesn’t [ever!!] make sense to anyone else.
So you, yes you, I am watching you. And I am racking my brains. Just saying. So far, I haven’t come up with anything, but I am racking.
Now don’t be paranoid me lovelies, I don’t mean any of you. Ignore me, I am in rant mode. It’s the milk. I’m lactose intolerant and I gorged myself with four very milky tablets of weetabix last night 🙂
What was I saying?
There’s this song by Nakaaya called Matatizo. Yes, that one. The first time we saw that song, well, we were … how-you-say … blank? No, that’s not a censored word. It just means I was quite literally, blank. That doesn’t happen very often, and I find it quite disturbing. I mean, for Pete’s sake, my thoughts generally race about aimlessly at several-hundred-kph. So having no thoughts at all is stress!! Hence my fear of yoga.
Which is why when I meet a person, online or off, and they make no impression, I get even more bugged than the people I dislike on sight. It’s so weird!! How can I meet you and just go blank?!
Sometimes it’s more of a delayed reaction, but in such cases what I feel is not blankness, it’s indifference. I don’t like or dislike you, you’re just there. And that can go either way. Indifference has – in two cases – grown to an uncharacteristic affection which I still don’t understand. But there you have it, I rarely question my affection. Just my distaste. Though in one case, what began as distaste has turned into a beautiful friendship. You know yourself, mobs of twugs and etc. headed your way.
Conversely [heehee] one other thing is disturbing me. Certain of my intimates are … morphing, at least in my mind. I’m not sure what it is, but I suspect the Carolina factor. See, in school, there was this girl called Carolina [well actually, there were about 12 of them, since apparently all babies born in Mater in 1981 were named Paul, Pauline, John, or Joanne. Being a catholic school, the Caros were many.]
So. Carolina. I was pretty much indifferent to her. I didn’t bother her, she didn’t bother me. We occasionally shared oxygen. But one day, in the way women often do, my pal took a haterade on Carolina. I’m not sure what exactly she had against the girl, but she enumerated several annoyances, including Carolina’s voice. I told my friend she was being a b***h and walked away. But every day after that, I noticed the things that had been listed. They were all true, especially the voice, and I gradually grew to dislike Carolina. Sigh.
Back to today, a trusted pal has gone haterade on my intimates, and I told them to go dog elsewhere. But I am slowly beginning to notice the peeves, and drifting away from said intimates. And it’s not fair! **pout** I need to stop being so bloody judgemental. And to find a cure for Carolina.
Anyway, back to Matatizo. We were both blank, and we tried to voice our … blankness with words. But the nature of blankness is … er … well … it’s blank. So after a few hms and huhs and inarticulate sounds of confusion, we looked at each other and grinned.
Then he stared back at the screen with this look on his face, did a little SMHW gesture and said ‘Matatizo kweli.’ Every once in a while, I think of Nakaaya, and the gesture, and the look on that boy’s face, and I burst into uncontrollable giggles. So if you ever see me giggling for no reason, chances are ni Matatizo.
Oh, so I went snooping about those INFJ sites and found out that my favourite author, Emily Bronte, is INFJ. Yay!! I had no idea. Explains why I feel her work so much. At least that’s one INFJ that I adore. I don’t like her poetry though, it’s kinda … you know … blank. I love her one novel though, Wuthering heights. I have two copies and I read them over and over and over. She fell sick, wrote it, finished it … and died. Oops.
And I’m still wondering why I’m averse to the few INFJs that I know [apart from Emily of course] Weird. Very weird.
And another thing. I use and too much. No, that wasn’t the thing. The thing was this. I know some people to be very perceptive. They see things, they know things. So it bugs me no end when things that are obvious to me are opaque to them. I mean you’re supposed to be really smart about stuff like that, so why aren’t you seeing this? Either I am dim, or you are not as smart as I thought you were … which makes me dim for thinking you were so smart … either way, I am dim.
Or maybe I am a better picker of friends than i realise, and have surrounded myself with angels who only see the good in people while I [mostly] only see the bad. So I have my very own collection of angel-bots … and pretty geeks. Yay! I like this version better 🙂
I am soooo happy today. I need to make this permanent. And I will. Somehow. I don’t know how yet, but I will. Yay and Amen 🙂