Inner child: I want milk.

Me: No you don’t.

Inner child: Actually, yeah, I do.

Me: You know cold milk makes us sick.

Inner child: So drink it hot!

Me: That makes us sick too.

Inner child: It’s not my fault it makes you sick. I still have milk enzymes.

Me: Meh.

Inner child: And we don’t have to take a looooot of it. Just two or three glasses.

Me: Shut up.

Inner child: We can get the good stuff, from T-mall. The vending machine is all prebolied. It’s soooo cool. And it tastes sooooo good.

Me: T-mall is too far away.

Inner child: No it’s not. 10 minutes with no traffic. 20 bob in a mat. We’ll be back in half an hour. You can even get coconut and cashews…

Me: Coconuts and cashews … *temporarily lost in daydreams * … **promptly snapping out of daydream** I’ll have cramps and … other things … for days!

Inner child: True … but we’ll be haaaaaaappy! Work with me here. Focus. feeeeel it. Feeel the cold milk trickle down your throat and …

Me: SHUT UP!

Inner child: All I want is milk. And you know you want those coconuts and cashews …

**sounds of violent struggle as I tie up and gag my inner child**

God, it sucks being a grown up.

PS: Would somebody please find a cure for milk allergies? And if I hear one more person say soy milk, both me and my inner child will scream. You do NOT want to hear us scream.