For a few weeks now, my desk has been full of static. At first I thought it was just the heat, while some of my more illustrious workmates made jokes about how hot they were. This after they touched my arms or fingers and got literally thrown off. I wonder – seeing as the static came from them touching me – why they didn’t decide it’s me that was hot. *shrug* The level of static was really, really bad, and it even made me squeal sometimes. I figured it was something on my laptop, or maybe just my usual gadget mishaps. I didn’t know how to fix it, so I just sat and waited. I figured it would stop and go away … eventually.

I usually carry my iPod in a pretty leather case. I clasp it on my belt, waistband, or pocket, and it’s usually quite safe. But two or three times, I’ve gotten off a matatu to find the iPod dangling by the cable on the headphones. It seems I’ve gotten bigger, or mathrees have gotten smaller, or maybe it was grabby little fingers. Either way, all the pushing and the shoving almost lost my iPod! After it happened the third time, I decided to ditch the case. Since Verdy is adorably tiny, I figured she’d be safer hiding deep inside my pocket.

This weekend, I went on a marathon of torrents. Why? Well, while back, I lost my music and the back-ups to my music when both my hard drives crashed. One was attacked by Kenya Power, the other one was thrown to the ground during a tantrum. No, it wasn’t me, and no, he hasn’t been forgiven. I keep meaning to re-gather my collection, but I keep putting it off because it takes time and work. Anyway, this weekend I finally got started with discographies of P!nk, Paramore, Eminem, Nickelback, and UB40. What.

Before I go on, I should say a bit about my home computer. It was built by my little brother. He’s in IT. And when I say he’s in IT, I mean he’s in IT. He gathered the parts from various dubious valid sources and held them together with … um … screws. And masking tape. Well, okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little. Because, you see, my computer isn’t really held together. The … um … parts, rest on various different .. um … stands.

You know when you walk into a nerd’s bedroom and find different bits of cables, shiny discs, and motherboard-looking things strewn all over the bed? The paraphernalia is held together with pretty plastic ribbons in red, blue, and yellow. And from that miraculous pile of junk, a sharp image appears on 62 inch screen, an image of multicoloured code or animated videogame vixens? Yeah, that’s my computer. I’ve asked him to seal the casing once or twice, but he says it’s easier to work with everything scattered about. I can’t complain because that scary contraption earned me half a million in freelance writing jobs.

The downside with my put-together thing is that I can’t see what to fix! So anytime it coughs, sneezes, or purrs, I scream and call my brother, who pokes it for a bit and then it works. The boy’s a bonafide Micah Sanders, I swear! Anyway, this weekend, I was trying to get the files onto my iPod. I placed the cable into the USB port and it … disappeared! No, I don’t mean the USB tooth disappeared. I mean the port disappeared. It fell right through!

I figured I should peep between the shiny bits of junk to see where it had gone. As I did so, I grabbed my iPod to make sure it wouldn’t fall. Bzzz. I was four feet across the room! Well okay, more like four inches – my hand was thrown clean off! I was still pretty confused by everything, so I did the obvious thing – I grabbed the iPod again. And my arm was thrown. Again! This time I felt the buzzing right through my arm! What the hell?

I touched the iPod a third time, and this time I screamed so loud that Princess came to check on me! A small idea was forming in my head – disconnect the power source. Duh! So I looked at where the hole had disappeared and tried to pull the cable. Bzzz! Christ! Okay, Plan B, disconnect the iPod from the cable. By the time my fingers singed the fifth time, I was starting to smell hair. I’m sure it was only in my mind, but still!

I looked around for some kind of insulation and all I could see was the marvin my baby sometimes wears to school. So I clumsily wrapped the iPod in it and disengaged it from the cable. Voilà! No more limb-throwing! Of course by now my computer was mad, so it went completely off and wouldn’t come on again. Oh crumbs.

As I sat staring at the angry machine, it all fell into place. I’ve been charging my iPod on my desk at work … without its case. That’s probably what causes all the static! I suppose the shiny casing has its downsides. My computer was still acting like a b* so I called my brother whining. He said he’d come fix it, but seeing as we’ve fixed it five times already, it might be a good idea to just go get a new one. This time, I’ll insist on solid casing and no relation to Alienware. Meanwhile, lesson learned: never charge a shiny thing without its leather case.

♫ Fade Away ♫ Breaking Benjamin ♫