I’m a drama queen. Everybody knows that. So when I have a serious complaint, nobody pays attention. It’s like the boy who cried wolf, but in reverse. And this time, my beef is with Safaricom. Granted I’ve deleted five accounts on facebook, twelve on email, seven on twitter, and four blogs. In fits of anger, I’ve ripped countless manuscripts, broken crockery, mwikos, and umbrellas (the latter on a certain boy’s head) and have had about fifteen different phone numbers since 1999. One more change shouldn’t be that big a deal, right? Well, as Julie Andrews would say, let’s start at very the beginning.

  • 2000 – Bought my first Safaricom line for Ksh 2,500/=.
  • 2006 – Was offered a job in TZ and bought four lines, one from each service provider.
  • 2007 – Got the TZ job. Bought four more lines since the first four were expired. Or lost. Or both.
  • 2008 – Reverted to my Safaricom line thanks to the East Africa Tariff.
  • 2009 – Came back to Kenya, leaving four of my cell phone lines behind.
  • 2009 – Put my Safaricom line inside a modem and bought a new sim card to escape a stalking ex.
  • 2009 – Moved to  new house with network issues. Bought ALL lines to see which one would work. Settled for a Yu line.
Got a sign like this for my front door.
  • 2010 – Got a suspect text from Safaricom and blogged about it.
  • 2010 – After the previous saga, got mad at Safaricom, ranted online, and threw away my M-PESA sim card.
  • 2010 – Freelance client preferred to pay via M-PESA, so I bought a new line.
  • 2011 – Got a job at Squad Digital which included training Safaricom Online Customer Care Reps.
  • 2011 – Switched to postpay bundles.
  • 2012 – Migrated back to pre-pay. Then the real nightmare began.

The first time I threw away my sim card, it was more of a temper tantrum than anything else. At that point, I only used Safaricom for M-PESA, so when I got a text asking me to register my line, I was skeptical. I called Customer Care, and when I couldn’t get through, I wrote a blog post questioning the validity of said text. An M-PESA manager called me (on my Yu line). He explained the situation, in a rather patronizing manner, and suggested I write a second blog post, which I did, while throwing away my Safaricom sim card.

After the second blog post, the manager called me again, apologized for upsetting me, and asked how he could fix things. I told him I didn’t much care, but that my neighbours would probably enjoy having network in the building. See, when I moved into my new house, I tried every single mobile service provider. The most feasible one was Yu, even though I had to go stand at the window to use my phone. My Airtel line had a weak signal in certain parts of the house, but on my other lines, I had to leave the building and go outside the gate to make a call.

I gave Mr. Manager the number of my building caretaker and one of my neighbours, and within a few weeks, the building had full Safaricom network. Incidentally, when Safaricom network got strengthened, the other mobile signals mysteriously disappeared. I’m too paranoid to call that a coincidence.

A few weeks ago, I decided to get off Postpay bundles because they no longer made sense so I shot a few tweets @Safaricom_Care. They told me I’d get to keep my accumulated postpay minutes, and that I had 30 days to use them. During my lunch break on Wednesday, I went Westgate to do the deed. It took a while, because systems were down, but eventually they signed me off. I asked again about accumulated minutes (I have about 5,000, plus 700MB of free data) and they said I wouldn’t need to top up my phone until they ran out. Yay!

On Saturday, I got a text telling me I was officially back on prepay. I don’t use my phone much, so I hardly ever know where it is. But I had a pretty hectic day planned. I had to drop my baby for her camping trip, meet a friend at Yaya, and see a doctor, so today, ED was essential. When I tried to make a call, the nice lady on auto-response said she couldn’t complete the call, and suggested I try again later.

I tried three other numbers with the same result. I dialed *144# to check my balance. ‘Sorry, operator failed.’ I tried to top up via M-PESA and the text said ‘M-PESA is unable to complete top up at this time.’  I bought a scratch card to load the phone. ‘Sorry, the top up was not successful. Please try again later.’ I sent a text to find out where my friend was. ‘Message not sent.’

I had a meeting at 2.30 and a doctor’s appointment at 3.30, so when the doctor’s office rescheduled, I tried to let my pal know, but the call wouldn’t go through! Luckily [?] I was a few minutes late, so she called to check how far away I was, and we agreed to talk after I had finished with the doctor. Once my shots were done, I tried to get in touch with my friend again, but my phone was still haywire, so I borrowed the receptionist’s phone.

I went online to tweet Customer Care and my Tweetdeck said, ‘Tweet unsent. Connection problems. Automatic retry.’ So I called Customer Care, the only number that would actually go through. The first Customer Care Rep was very polite and suggested I do a hard reboot – put the phone off, take out the sim card, put it back in, restart. I did it five times. No luck.

I waited a few hours then called again. This time, after being on hold for five minutes, I got a mean one who said, ‘How do you expect a prepay line to work without airtime. Have you tried topping it up?’ It was all I could do to keep my voice calm as I explained that (a) they told me I didn’t have to, and (b) I’d been trying to top up for three hours. She suggested I get someone to sambaza me.

I asked the girl next to me in the matatu, and she was suspicious, obviously. I mean, a stranger asks you to sambaza them airtime and they’ll pay you cash? It has scam written all over it, even though I’d only asked for 50 bob. In the end, we agreed that I would buy a scratchcard, she would load her phone, then send it to me. It failed, so she ended up paying ME for her ‘free credit’. Sigh.

I got home and tried to tweet @Safaricom_Care from my PC, but it has issues and took about half an hour to boot up. While I waited, I called Customer Care again, and they said they were setting up a ticket which would take 24 hours. Ngggggggg!!! When my machine eventually started up, I tweeted @Safaricom_Care. They said I was mteja and asked me to DM an alternate number. I explained that I don’t have one, tweeted my brother, and asked him to call me. I wanted to see whether I could still receive calls, since I was apparently mteja. Turns out I can, and I ranted at the poor boy until his airtime ran out.

A while later, Safaricom finally got a call through, and they confirmed that a ticket takes 24 hours to resolve. I was furious because I needed to call my baby and see if she had arrived at camp safely. It made me so mad that the one time I desperately needed my phone, I couldn’t even use it. The next morning, a Safaricom Rep called to ask if I could top up my phone. I asked her to call back in 5 minutes. My battery was low and there was a power blackout, so I knew I’d be mteja soon, one way or another.

I tried to top up and failed. I couldn’t call them back because (a) I had no guarantee of getting the same Customer Care Rep, and (b) I didn’t have enough battery power. Plus, with no power and no mobile internet, I couldn’t even tweet. I waited half an hour for her to call back before I gave up, went to the neighbourhood kiosk, and bought Yu and Airtel lines. They both have no network in my house, so I had to go outside the gate to load them and call my baby girl. She’s fine by the way, having a blast and telling me I worry too much.

I’ve heard Safaricom described as an abusive boyfriend lots of times, and I agree. I get it. Safaricom is not that into me. And it hurts because I know I won’t leave. After all, (a) no other mobile service provider has network inside my house, (b) I’ve changed my number so many times that my bankers think I’m Nigerian and my relatives think I’m insane, and (c) all our mobile service providers have crappy service anway. I’ve been hung up on by Customer Care Reps from Orange, Yu, Airtel, Safaricom (and even Voda and Zantel in TZ).

I suppose I should consider that the problem here is me. Maybe I just don’t know how to talk to Customer Care people. Still, when you’re getting paid to solve my problems, I don’t expect you to talk down to me whenever you can’t solve them. That makes me mad, and when I get mad, I yell. And then people hang up. On the upside, I’ve never been hung up on by any Customer Care person that I trained, though I suppose that was for a different reason. Plus, I changed jobs and I don’t train them anymore, so I guess they can hang up on me now, if they want to.

This weekend, I was raging mad at Safaricom, and yes, I did quite a lot of yelling. Now I’m just numb. I’ve talked to one more Customer Care Rep this morning, but I couldn’t find the energy to protest, so I just gave one-word answers. I’m too fed up to be angry. At least I can use my Yu line for emergency calls, and I’ve spent most of the morning switching and un-switching sim cards. But if one more person responds with, ‘You changed your number again!’ I’m likely to stab somebody.

♫ Move b***h ♫ Ludacris ♫

 

125 thoughts on “It’s complicated. And not in a good way.”

  4. I simply want to say I’m new to blogging and definitely savored you’re website. Very likely I’m likely to bookmark your blog . You really come with really good article content. Thanks a lot for sharing your blog site.

  5. I enjoy, result in I discovered just what I was taking a look for. You’ve ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye

  6. It is in point of fact a great and helpful piece of info. I am glad that you just shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

  7. I do not even know how I ended up here, however I assumed this post was great. I don’t know who you might be but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger should you are not already 😉 Cheers!

  8. Whats up are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you need any coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  9. Hello! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest authoring a blog article or vice-versa? My site addresses a lot of the same subjects as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other. If you are interested feel free to send me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Superb blog by the way!

  10. hi!,I really like your writing very much! proportion we be in contact extra about your article on AOL? I need an expert on this area to solve my problem. Maybe that is you! Looking ahead to look you.

  11. Hiya! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa? My website goes over a lot of the same topics as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each other. If you are interested feel free to send me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Awesome blog by the way!

  13. I simply could not go away your web site before suggesting that I actually enjoyed the standard information a person supply in your guests? Is gonna be again often to investigate cross-check new posts.

  15. Wow! This can be one particular of the most beneficial blogs We’ve ever arrive across on this subject. Basically Magnificent. I’m also a specialist in this topic therefore I can understand your hard work.

  16. Excellent read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing a little research on that. And he just bought me lunch as I found it for him smile Thus let me rephrase that: Thank you for lunch! “We steal if we touch tomorrow. It is God’s.” by Henry Ward Beecher.

  17. I’m not sure exactly why but this site is loading incredibly slow for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end? I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

  18. Hello there, I found your web site via Google while searching for a related topic, your site came up, it looks great. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

  20. What’s Taking place i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I have discovered It absolutely helpful and it has helped me out loads. I’m hoping to contribute & assist other users like its helped me. Good job.

  21. It is indeed my belief that mesothelioma is actually the most dangerous cancer. It contains unusual features. The more I look at it the more I am certain it does not conduct itself like a true solid human cancer. In the event mesothelioma is usually a rogue viral infection, so there is the potential for developing a vaccine plus offering vaccination for asbestos subjected people who are at high risk connected with developing long term asbestos associated malignancies. Thanks for revealing your ideas for this important ailment.

  22. Usually I do not learn post on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very pressured me to take a look at and do it! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks, quite nice article.

  24. I as well as my friends have already been analyzing the excellent advice located on the blog and so quickly came up with an awful suspicion I had not expressed respect to the website owner for those techniques. All of the women came for this reason joyful to read through all of them and have simply been having fun with them. We appreciate you indeed being quite accommodating and then for having this kind of beneficial themes most people are really desperate to learn about. My sincere regret for not expressing appreciation to earlier.

  25. That is the fitting weblog for anybody who needs to find out about this topic. You understand a lot its virtually hard to argue with you (not that I actually would wantÖHaHa). You definitely put a new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Nice stuff, just nice!

  27. I am really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Either way keep up the nice quality writing, it’s rare to see a nice blog like this one today..

  28. I get pleasure from, result in I discovered exactly what I was having a look for. You have ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye

  29. I keep listening to the news talk about getting free online grant applications so I have been looking around for the most excellent site to get one. Could you advise me please, where could i find some?

  31. The crux of your writing while sounding agreeable initially, did not work perfectly with me after some time. Somewhere within the sentences you actually managed to make me a believer but only for a very short while. I however have a problem with your leaps in logic and you might do well to fill in those breaks. In the event you actually can accomplish that, I could certainly be amazed.

  32. Thanks for a marvelous posting! I certainly enjoyed reading it, you may be a great author.I will always bookmark your blog and will eventually come back later in life. I want to encourage you to ultimately continue your great work, have a nice weekend!

  33. Hi there, I found your web site by the use of Google even as looking for a similar matter, your web site came up, it seems great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

  34. Hello there! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My website looks weird when browsing from my iphone 4. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to resolve this problem. If you have any suggestions, please share. Thanks!

  35. It’s actually a great and useful piece of information. I’m glad that you shared this useful information with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

  36. Good day very cool web site!! Man .. Beautiful .. Wonderful .. I’ll bookmark your blog and take the feeds additionally¡KI am satisfied to search out a lot of helpful information right here within the post, we’d like work out extra techniques on this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

  37. I was suggested this web site by way of my cousin. I am not certain whether or not this put up is written by way of him as nobody else realize such special approximately my problem. You are amazing! Thank you!

  39. I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your sites really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back in the future. All the best

  40. Thank you for every other informative site. The place else could I get that type of info written in such a perfect way? I have a mission that I am just now working on, and I have been at the look out for such info.

  43. Good – I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs as well as related information ended up being truly easy to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it in the least. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, web site theme . a tones way for your customer to communicate. Excellent task.

  44. I want to point out my affection for your kind-heartedness in support of all those that actually need help with this field. Your very own commitment to passing the solution all over appears to be particularly invaluable and have always made guys just like me to get to their desired goals. Your new valuable publication implies a great deal a person like me and a whole lot more to my colleagues. With thanks; from each one of us.

  45. you are actually a just right webmaster. The web site loading velocity is amazing. It kind of feels that you’re doing any distinctive trick. Furthermore, The contents are masterwork. you have performed a excellent activity on this topic!

  48. After I initially commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a remark is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you’ll be able to remove me from that service? Thanks!

  49. I think other website proprietors should take this website as an model, very clean and magnificent user friendly style and design, as well as the content. You are an expert in this topic!

  50. Of friendship on inhabiting diminution discovered as. Did friendly eat breeding building few nor. Object he barton no effect played valley afford. Period so to oppose we little seeing or branch. Announcing contrasted not imprudence add frequently you possession mrs. Period saw his houses square and misery. Hour had held lain give yet.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *