It really is an annoying discovery. Because I want to think they’re deep and complex and convoluted like the men I see on TV, the men I write into my stories. But they’re not. They’re basic. Give them food, money, sex, and sleep. Throw in a random passion like sports or speed, and that’s it. The man is happy.

I want to think they have complex inner monologues and deeply involving thought processes. They don’t. Their basic reasoning is, ‘Do I want this? Can I have it?’ They don’t go into whys and wherefores like women do. To them, stuff is yes, no, and how. And for some reason, that makes me immensely sad.

I want to think that when a man meets a beautiful woman, he sinks into deep philosophy about her, the morality of her existence, the beautiful interaction of the cosmos that created her, the fascinating series of events that brought her into his line of view. But mostly he looks at her, thinks she’s hot/smart/pretty/*insert-any-attribute-that-he-finds-attractive*, asks himself if he can have her. Then  he either walks away or does whatever he needs to do to get her. Simple.

Of course if he doesn’t really want her – or if he can’t really have her, he can play with her. Why, because he wants to, and he can. There’s no complex war strategy behind it. Guys often do stuff simply because they want to. Even Einstein, the smartest man on earth, was basic. He had a choice between the pretty Marie and the plain Maric, and he chose Maric. Why? Not because they were soul mates, or because she wooed him better. Nope. He chose her because she could talk science, period. And the second she got all girly and emotional and Marie-like, he lost interest. See, simple.

That’s why stuff like this can happen. The average man will not sit down and have an earnest mental monologue about what kind of tea he should drink. He’ll be like, “I want tea. Hell no, I want beer.’ Then he’ll go get beer. or find someone to get him beer. Simple. And so all the years of my life that I’ve spent analysing men have completely wasted. And yet because I’m a woman, I can’t really switch myself off, even though my life would be infinitely easier that way. Yeah, sucks to be me right now.

♫ I see fire ♫ Ed Sheeran ♫