I have periods where I think it would be cool to be a girl. And by girl, I mean a girly-girl, with make-up and handbags and stiletto heels. I also think it would be cute to have some flowers in my hair. In the past, these periods have faded quietly into oblivion. But this year has been different. Maybe it’s because I turned thirty. Maybe it was down to my bio-clock. Maybe it was just time. Whatever the reason, this time, I crawled over to the dark side. *dun dun dun duuuuun*
I got myself a make-over, complete with girly shoes and make-up lessons. It’s so much a part of me now that this morning, with no power, I made a lamp using a candle and my Mulika Mwizi phone. Why? There was blackout, and I needed the light to put on my make-up *shudder*.
Because I haven’t mastered the art of 2-Step-Mascara, it takes me fifteen minutes to put on. The extra twelve minutes are for scraping it off and starting all over again. I match my shoes with my bag with my scarf, all using a carefully prescribed recipe that was put together by my stylist. Yes, I have a stylist.When she banned four of my jeans and replaced them with four more, I couldn’t tell the difference, so she had to show me what went with what, complete with photographic tagging.
I like the new me. I feel classy, glamorous, and confident, and it only cost me 5K. I do feel bad though. For one thing, I no longer look like a creative. Sure I have the purple dreads and the requisite tattoos, but I look more like a consultant than an advertising pro.
When I first got into advertising, I wore a pretty black skirt and heels for my interview. The boss gave me a sideways look, but said nothing. On my second interview, I showed up in a t-shirt and jeans. As soon as the man opened the door, he sighed and said, ‘Phew!’ When I asked why, he said my earlier outfit had them worried. They didn’t think I was the right fit for the job. Apparently, creatives don’t dress up.
There don’t seem to be many girls in the Kenyan ad industry. No, let me rephrase that. Most girls in the ad industry are in client service or finance. We don’t have a lot of female art directors and copywriters. So as a girl in a mostly-male field, I’ve been getting away with jeans and hoodies. It’s one of the things I loved most about my job.
But now I’ve sold out and can routinely be seen in little skirts, stockings, and heels. Always with the heels. This week I even threw in a scarf. I do wear jeans, but they go with scarves and ribbons too. It’s a completely new thing for me, and it’s also a little … awkward. I mean, I do feel beautiful, but I also feel a little guilty and out of place.
My mum loves that I finally look like I’m going to work when I’m, you know, going to work. And it’s cool that my neighbours no longer think I’m a clueless college kid. But I can’t help feeling like I’ve lost a piece of myslef. I quite liked looking like a 22 year old. I took a twisted pleasure in rebelling against attempts to get [me and] my wardrobe to ‘grow up’. I feel sad that now I’m just like everybody else.
I suppose there’s some good in letting go of bad habits that don’t serve you. But sometimes, those bad habits are part of who you are, and it’s hard to drop those parts. Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I think, “Wow! Pretty!” But I also think I’m not quite me anymore, and that makes me really sad. I feel like I’ve lost a major part of myself, and even though that part wasn’t particularly useful, it was still me, and I miss it.
I suppose the outward change is really just a symptom of the growth I feel inside. My self worth is improving, and for the first time in my life, I feel it’s time to stop playing the field and settle down. That could just be my hormones talking, bio-clocks and sell-by dates and things like that, I don’t know for sure. All I know is it doesn’t seem so bad that someone somewhere might want to put a ring on it. I just hope I won’t have to cook.
In related news, my baby and I attended an event over the weekend. It involved pizza, macadamia nuts, and cake, and she got a touch of indigestion … which ended with her throwing up in a matatu. Luckily, the makanga was very kind and didn’t make a fuss. When we alighted 200 metres from our house, I saw my gorgeous neighbour a few feet ahead. I thought long and hard about whether or not I should say hi. After all, I was covered in puke, my clothes were a mess, I was exhausted, I had tons of baggage (from the party), and I looked anything but glamorous.
Before I could think, I had called his name, and he turned. Here’s the thing about being a girly-girl. You do not want the hot boy to see you looking less than stellar. And that boy is HOT! Still, the damage was done. I managed to keep a plastic smile on my face while he ooh-ed and aah-ed over my beautiful daughter, and didn’t say a word about the mess. Adorable.
Still, after that mishap, I do feel like I have a point to prove. I feel the irrepressible urge to dress up just to go to the kiosk, in case I bump into him again. Of course I could always knock on his door and ask for sugar. It’s what I would have done a month ago. But that would be way too obvious, and classy ladies are never obvious. Everything has it’s downsides I guess, and I have to learn to fit into the role. Sigh.
I was talking a to a good friend, and he pointed out that I’ve made a career out of being a rebel. I’ve done every possible thing to be ‘different’, even when the actions themselves didn’t serve me. I didn’t feel like I fitted in anywhere, so I went out of my way to prove that I was out of place. I embraced the tomboy image even though I don’t like sports or beer and I punch like a girl. There’s nothing tomboyish about me except the refusal to wear a skirt. Or do my hair. Or wear pink.
From that frame of mind, it makes sense that I feel like improving myself is a betrayal. By adjusting into society’s idea of a sophisticated, self-possessed woman, I feel like I’ve somehow sold out. I suppose you could call it a fear of success, even though I’m cloaking it as a fear of blending in, an aversion to no longer being ‘different’. Or maybe I just finally grew up, and my Inner Petra Pan won’t let me go.
One aspect of being girl that I have issues with is smart-freezing. As part of my new beauty regimen, I wear a dress every Friday. So last week, I threw on this pretty patterned thing with brown tights and beige flats. I looked and felt absolutely gorgeous! The compliments helped, and I was literally walking on air, if you’ll pardon the cliché.
I was a bit bothered about the (lack of) heat factor, seeing as I generally live in heavy jeans and padded hoodies. But I had a little girly sweater, and the tights kept my feet relatively warm. Plus, being a girly-girl does have its upsides, like random lifts from long-lost friends. So I was fine for the first half hour at the office. Then, we had to go to the studio for a recording. Also, it started to rain.
I’ve always been on the other side of this equation. I used to be the girl that tsk-tsked at my beautifully laid out sisters as they pottered around in their teeny-weeny-minis and their crazy heels in the rain, while I lumbered by in warm sweatshirts and jeans. I used to snigger as they wobbled by in their dizzy 6-inch wedges while I sprinted past in comfy canvas sneakers.
So maybe it’s just kharma. Or maybe there are some secrets that I’m yet to discover. Like how to wear a skirt and not have goosebumps on your legs. Or how to fit an umbrella [and trench coat] in a teeny tiny purse. Or how to get that hot guy over there to surrender his jacket. Or how to shiver with a smile, make no sound, and keep your lips completely closed.
♫ Breathe Slow ♫ Alesha Dickson ♫
i shaved my locks the atha day because i had to compromise…. i feel ua predicament!
Helpful info. Fortunate me I discovered your site by accident, and I am shocked why this accident did not came about earlier! I bookmarked it.
I love your writing.
Am planning to go through your archive.
@Irene Thank you for the compliment 🙂
@Moseti Pole. I shaved mine once, never again! I hope you’ll grow them back.
Howdy! Would ʏօu mind іf I share үօur blog witɦ mу twitter ǥroup?
There’s a lot of folks thɑt I tɦink wοuld eally enjoy
ʏour content. Рlease let me knoԝ. Mɑny thankѕ
Here is my web site; homepage; Salina,
hi!,I like your writing very much! percentage we be in contact more approximately your post on AOL?
I need an expert in this house to resolve my
problem. Maybe that’s you! Looking forward to peer you.
Quality content is the important to interest the
users to go to see the website, that’s what this web page
is providing.
Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having a tough time locating it
but, I’d like to send you an email. I’ve got some recommendations for your blog you might
be interested in hearing. Either way, great website and
I look forward to seeing it grow over time.
Hi there, everything is going well here and ofcourse every one is sharing facts, that’s actually good, keep up writing.
Please let me know if you’re looking for a article
writer for your weblog. You have some really good articles and I feel I would be
a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d really like to
write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.
Please blast me an email if interested. Regards!
Wonderful beat ! I would like to apprentice whilst
you amend your website, how can i subscribe for a blog website?
The account aided me a appropriate deal. I have been tiny
bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided shiny transparent idea
Hi there, I do think your website may be having browser
compatibility problems. Whenever I look at your blog in Safari, it looks fine however, if opening
in IE, it has some overlapping issues. I simply wanted to provide you with a quick heads up!
Aside from that, wonderful website!
I have been surfing online more than 2 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all webmasters and
bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be a lot more useful than ever before.
Piece of writing writing is also a excitement, if you be acquainted with then you
can write otherwise it is complex to write.
Howdy very nice site!! Man .. Excellent .. Superb ..
I’ll bookmark your site and take the feeds additionally? I’m happy
to search out a lot of helpful information right here in the post, we need
develop more strategies on this regard, thank you for sharing.
. . . . .
I am not sure where you are getting your info, but great topic.
I needs to spend some time learning more or
understanding more. Thanks for fantastic information I was looking for this
information for my mission.
Everything is very open with a clear clarification of the
issues. It was really informative. Your website is useful.
Thank you for sharing!
whoah this blog is excellent i like reading your posts.
Keep up the good work! You realize, a lot of persons are searching around for this info, you can help
them greatly.
Hey there! I’ve been following your blog for a long time now and finally got the
courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Atascocita Tx!
Just wanted to mention keep up the good work!
I just want to mention I’m very new to blogging and certainly enjoyed you’re web blog. Most likely I’m likely to bookmark your site . You surely come with really good article content. Bless you for sharing with us your website page.
Wonderful beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your website, how could
i subscribe for a blog website? The account aided me a acceptable deal.
I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered
bright clear idea
of course like your web-site but you need to test the spelling on several of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it very troublesome to inform the truth nevertheless I’ll surely come again again.
I¡¦ve recently started a blog, the information you provide on this site has helped me tremendously. Thanks for all of your time & work.
My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find most of your post’s to be exactly I’m looking for. Would you offer guest writers to write content for yourself? I wouldn’t mind creating a post or elaborating on a number of the subjects you write regarding here. Again, awesome site!
It is in reality a great and helpful piece of information. I’m happy that you just shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.
I do agree with all the ideas you’ve presented in your post. They are very convincing and will definitely work. Still, the posts are too short for beginners. Could you please extend them a bit from next time? Thanks for the post.
I think that everything composed made a bunch of
sense. But, what about this? what if you wrote a catchier
title? I mean, I don’t want to tell you how to run your
website, however suppose you added a headline to maybe grab folk’s attention? I mean Operation Girly Girl Commences in 5
… 4 … 3 … – 3CB is kinda boring.
You might look at Yahoo’s home page and see how they create news titles to get people
interested. You might add a video or a related
pic or two to grab people excited about everything’ve
got to say. In my opinion, it might bring your blog a little livelier.
hello!,I really like your writing so a lot! percentage we keep up a correspondence extra about your article on AOL? I need an expert on this house to unravel my problem. Maybe that is you! Looking forward to peer you.
I will right away seize your rss as I can not to find your e-mail subscription hyperlink or newsletter service. Do you’ve any? Kindly permit me understand so that I may subscribe. Thanks.
As a Newbie, I am continuously browsing online for articles that can be of assistance to me. Thank you
I think other web site proprietors should take this website as an model, very clean and fantastic user friendly style and design, as well as the content. You are an expert in this topic!
obviously like your web-site but you have to test the spelling on quite a few of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very bothersome to tell the reality however I will definitely come back again.
Exceptional post however I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Cheers!
Please let me know if you’re looking for a article writer
for your weblog. You have some really great
posts and I feel I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d love
to write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.
Please blast me an email if interested. Regards!
I do like the way you have framed this specific challenge plus it does indeed supply us some fodder for thought. Nevertheless, through what I have personally seen, I just simply wish when other reviews pack on that men and women remain on point and not start upon a tirade associated with the news of the day. Anyway, thank you for this exceptional point and though I can not necessarily go along with this in totality, I respect your standpoint.
Your home is valueble for me. Thanks!…
Hi there, You’ve done an excellent job. I’ll certainly digg it and personally suggest to my friends. I am confident they’ll be benefited from this web site.
Thanks for sharing superb informations. Your web site is very cool. I’m impressed by the details that you’ve on this web site. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for more articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found simply the information I already searched all over the place and just could not come across. What a great web-site.
Very good written story. It will be useful to everyone who usess it, as well as me. Keep up the good work – can’r wait to read more posts.
After research just a few of the weblog posts in your website now, and I really like your approach of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark web site list and can be checking again soon. Pls check out my web site as effectively and let me know what you think.
Hello! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after reading through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be book-marking and checking back frequently!
Fantastic goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you are just too great.
I actually like what you’ve acquired here, certainly
like what you are saying and the way in which you say it. You
make it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it wise. I cant wait to read far more
from you. This is actually a tremendous site.
What i do not understood is in reality how you are no longer actually much more smartly-preferred than you may be right now. You’re very intelligent. You realize therefore significantly when it comes to this subject, made me in my opinion believe it from numerous various angles. Its like women and men don’t seem to be involved unless it’s something to do with Girl gaga! Your own stuffs nice. At all times take care of it up!
Normally I do not learn article on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to take a look at and do it! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thank you, quite nice post.
Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all folks you actually recognize what you’re speaking about! Bookmarked. Kindly additionally visit my website =). We can have a hyperlink exchange agreement between us!
Wow! This could be one particular of the most helpful blogs We have ever arrive across on this subject. Basically Great. I’m also an expert in this topic so I can understand your hard work.
WONDERFUL Post.thanks for share..extra wait .. Ö
Hello there, You have performed an incredible job. I will certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends. I am sure they will be benefited from this website.
Wonderful post but I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Kudos!