I watched Flight Plan yesterday. I heard about it years ago, but I decided not to watch it. I figured a movie about a crazy lady and a 6 year old lost on a plane would give me nightmares for years. But yesterday, I was feeling pretty pensive, so I gave it a few hours of my day. Loved it.

One part that really spoke to me was when Jodie Foster attacked the Arab guy and made him take out his Hilton hotel bill as an alibi. He responds with some deeply cutting words:

When I travel with my children, I keep an eye on them at all times. I don’t lose them then blame other people.

Oh ouch. But I see his point. Not about losing kids on planes, but about blaming people for your problems.

I’m a firm believer of The Secret, but the tough part is following the timing of the universe. In Ink, the blind pathfinder counts life in four beats. Every second of the day, he’s counting. 1 … 2… 3 … 4. If you can follow the beat, you can have whatever you want. You influence reactions, things can happen or unhappen, but you have to go with the timing, you have to find the pattern.

For me, the hardest thing about The Secret is knowing you can have all you want, but you must surrender to the beat.

Sometimes, you spend so long wanting something that you don’t realise it’s the wrong thing for you. Like ‘they’ say, you stare so long at that slammed door that you don’t feel the breeze from the window. I spent half my life wanting one boy and wondering why he didn’t want me back, then one day I saw him smoking and thought, ‘What the hell was I thinking?’ I wish I’d seen him light up earlier. I’d have skipped over a world of hurt.

I dated another guy who couldn’t … you know. He tried so long and so hard that in the end he figured I was the problem. After all, he was fine with other girls, so the issue had to be me. And for a long time, I believed him. It took three more guys to prove that it wasn’t me after all. *sheepish grin*

I’m a stubborn kind of person, so when things don’t go how I want, I refuse to acknowledge that maybe ‘how I want’ is wrong. I’d rather shut up and be miserable than admit that I’ve changed my  mind. Maybe that’s what I need – to acknowledge that I’m wrong, to admit I don’t want this anymore, that maybe I never wanted it at all. Or maybe I did want it – a lot – but it may be the wrong thing to want.

I’m working on something right now, and its not going too well. It’s possible I’m not very patient, or maybe I’m doing it improperly. But it could also be that I’m facing the wrong way. Maybe I should stop punching the wall and try using a drill instead. Or maybe … I should find some other way out of the room. Who says the only way out is the wall?

The Secret says the purpose for the time delay is to let you change your mind. You might have a think and decide what you wanted is not what you wanted at all. With The Secret, you can turn away and manifest something else – even after you have what you want. So maybe it’s just time to manifest something else.

Or maybe it’s just PMS and all I need a drink.