F*ck your feelings

I love word-play, so – in my mind – that line *pointing* has six different meanings. Like, for example, Asshole. Demisexual. Masturbation. Eminem. Cocktail. Sex toy.

For now, let’s focus on the most obvious definition – that (other people’s) feelings don’t matter. I know someone who thinks political correctness is stupid. In his opinion, if we can’t discuss things, we can’t fix them. So, if nothing is taboo, then nothing is a problem. People should be allowed to say whatever they want to say.


‘But … what if it hurts somebody’s feelings?’

‘They’re just feelings.’

I didn’t quite agree with his assessment. At least, not at first. But then I gave it some thought. Feelings are a powerful thing. But at the end of the day, they’re just feelings. They’re not broken bones or life-giving elixir. They’re just … feelings.

I was in therapy for almost a year, and I learned something similar. There’s nothing wrong with feelings in themselves.  The real challenge is what you do with said feelings. How you respond to them, how they affect your actions.

Feeling like a cow doesn’t give you milk.

Feeling like shit doesn’t make you smell. 

But … feeling like a cow can leave you open to bullshit.

Here’s a more concrete example, depression isn’t about feeling low. It’s about how you react to the lowness, both consciously and sub-consciously. That’s why in some people, depression manifests as substance abuse, or isolation … or even suicide.

I don’t think it’s okay to hurt somebody’s feelings on purpose. But … I find the idea of ‘just feelings’ liberating. I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel bad, or mean, or even suicidal. I can’t really control my feelings , but I control what I can do about them.


I can’t switch my feelings on and off, but they can’t manipulate me either. Just because I want to shoot my ex doesn’t mean I have to. And, it turns out, feelings can’t buy a gun and shoot him for me either. Only I can do that, and only I can stop it.

I can drug or drink myself into oblivion. I can deflect and focus on something else. I can vent in a way that doesn’t hurt (myself or) anyone (else). I can talk to someone about it. I can suppress them until they explode. I can sit still and do nothing at all. I can express them with passion and destruction, or pretend they aren’t to start with.

I have all these options, some better than others. But I do have them, these choices. I can do whatever I want, whatever suits me best, whatever does the most – or least damage. I can deal with my emotions. After all, they’re just feelings.

The biggest thing I took from therapy is this – there are always options. If you can’t see them right now, give it time. It has a way of opening your mind, your heart, and your spirit to new inspiring paths. You’ll find a way out. And it doesn’t have to lead you straight to hell. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Also, unrelated, f*ck periods.


♫ Hello Cover ♫ Sam Tsui, Casey Breves & Kurt Schneider ♫

Songs that change my heart

My obsession with certain songs is nothing new. And I’ve always known my princess was good at music. But I didn’t know how sensitive she was to the nuances of music, the real spirit behind each song. Every once in a while, she will ask me to change a song because it’s sad and is upsetting her. Since I have gothic tendencies, a lot of the music I enjoy is dark and raw and angry. I’ve never given it much thought, so when she says to change the song, I argue based on the lyrics. She responds, ‘It’s not the words. The tune is sad. Please change it.’

At first I ignored the concept (even though I did change the song). But then this weekend, I was sitting with Mr. 3CB and a song came on that he loves. At first, I broke into a fit of giggles because the song sooooo unlike him. Then I asked him what he likes about the song. He said it’s happy.

I then enunciated every single lyric in the song, to prove to him just how un-happy it was. Because I’m mean like that I was genuinely curious. How could anyone describe that particular song as ‘happy’? When I was done with my vocal rendition, (yes, I can sing!) he paused for a beat, looked me right in the eye, and said, ‘Wow. You just ruined my childhood.’ Turns out he had never actually listened to the lyrics. He just liked that it was catchy and reminded him of a happy time in his life. Sigh.

And before you ask, yes, I did make up for ruining his childhood. Several times.


Anyway, one of my favourite songs is I’ll be by Ediwn McCain. I always assumed I’d heard the lyrics wrong, because they seemed deep to the point of gibberish. Recently, I looked them up and found they were just as accurate and puzzling as I imagined. For instance, what exactly does it mean to be love’s suicide? You will make her love kill itself? Meaning you will make her hate you? How interesting.  I admit though, the sound of the song is sad, and yes, I did have to change it.

Which brings me to this song, She’s so high by Tal Bachman. I first heard the song on Rick Dees. He said the lead singer/songwriter was now happily married, and that the song was about a girl in high school that he was too chicken to ask out. I wondered how his wife felt about this hit. She’s obviously way more secure than I am, coz I would have a major problem with my man pining over a woman all those years later.

Same concept, different artist. Sk8er Boy by Avril Lavigne. This time, the hazing is from the girlfriend of the boy whose worth you didn’t see. Except how does she – his girl – feel about this song? She obviously has heard the story, which is why she has the material for the song. Maybe I’m just more jealous than the average bear.

All said and done, I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. Which, I suppose, is why I like ♫ Sura Yako ♫. For a long time, all this song signified was Spellcast. I hadn’t even listened to the whole thing. But today, I bumped into this video and I’ve had the song on replay since. It has a happy sound, a catchy beat, and soulful lyrics. For that, I forgive it for being written by Sautisol.

♫ Sura yako ♫ Sautisol ♫