First, Alejandro. I don’t much care for [or against] Lady Gaga. She has no effect on me. Her songs are pretty catchy, and that video she did with Beyoncé left me disturbed for days, but beyond that, I have no opinion.

So when I heard there was this new video called Alejandro, I was like yeah, ok. For the next few days, anytime I saw something vaguely weird on TV, I’d ask if it was Alejandro. I’d heard the video described as pornographic, so I was wary…

Yesterday, I bumped into it on Kiss TV. At first I saw  a set that looked like Go West by Pet Shop Boys meets Equilibrium, except it was in black and white. The dancers looked pretty gay, and there was a mouth that looked a lot like Madonna’s. Then I heard some weird monologue and saw what looked like a nun in red leather-slash-spandex. Ooookaaaaaaay.

The tune of the song is pretty catchy, so even as I watched the video, I kept singing ♫ Ale-Ale-jandro-Ale-Ale-jandro ♫ I couldn’t figure out what the song was about, because in the chorus, she mentions three or four different guys’ names, so unless the dude in the funny hat is called Alejandro Fernando Roberto Ricardo, then that’s some really bad rhyming.

I don’t know why there was a red nun in a coffin, or why she was swallowing a crucifix, or why the other nun was being ravaged by gay guys in Beatles wigs, or even why skinny people in tan underwear were dry humping while chained to hospital beds. Weeeeiiiirrrrrddd!

The most disturbing part for me was the nun dressed in white with red splotches marking her … beauty spots. Erasing that image may require some therapy.

After a while, I figure the Madonna-like mouth wasn’t accidental. This video actually looks like a mash-up of Madonna’s videos for Like a Prayer and Vogue. There was even some Frozen in there somewhere. Wow! All I can say is …

♫ You know that I love you boy ♫

♫ Hot like Mexico, rejoice ♫

♫ Ale-Ale-jandro-Ale-Ale-jandro ♫

Now, to less insane matters. Inception. Sigh. This movie should have been really, really good. It’s got this amazing concept and the potential to totally fry my brains, but somehow, it just didn’t. I’ve done a more detailed review over on DR, so here, I’ll only explain.

I thought that after watching a movie like that, I’d be seriously mind-f****d. I’m big on dreams, and this morning I woke up feeling upset because I’d had a spell of nightmares. In my dreams, I’m sometimes aware that I’m dreaming. In one particular nightmare, I even got on my knees and prayed so I could wake up [after pinching myself and splashing water on my face – all didn’t work, and I did all this in my sleep mind you].

When we were little and had nightmares, my mum would have us kneel by the bed, say a prayer, place a Gideon’s Bible under our pillows and wear a Holy Water cross to keep bad dreams away. That’s why I was trying to kneel. I kept screaming, ‘Wake up, your dreaming!’ But the dream was populated my alien demons, so invisible hands kept pulling me to my feet when I knelt down to pray, and I therefore, I couldn’t wake up.

I’ve done a lot more … embarrassing things in my sleep, so with a background like that, the whole dream within a dream concept is easy for me to get. A movie about people stealing and planting ideas while you sleep should be just the thing for me. In my dream last night, I was aware of being asleep, and kept trying to twist my dream into a happy ending. Instead, each mental turn I took ended up making things worse. I know, I know, signs of stress. I need some rice ice cream.

So after a night like that, Inception seemed like the perfect thing. My brain was numb and brittle, just prime for some classic brainwashing. But after 2 hours and 10 minutes, I feel zero, zip, nadda. I’m not even afraid of going to sleep tonight. Now Poltergeist on the other hand …