Posted on by crystal · 19 Comments

Free to be … free!

I’ve been in session with depression for a while now, and this weekend, things got really bad. I won’t go into details, but I’ll say that I got yelled at by the one I love most. He was totally right of course, and I learned some very important things.

Depression has a trigger. Sometimes it’s big, sometimes it’s small. Sometimes it snowballs and spirals out of control. But there’s always a root behind it, and sometimes the root is hard to find.

Today I found what my root is: I don’t think I’m good enough. And it doesn’t matter how much I get praised, loved, or admired, I’ve just never been worthy in my own eyes. That’s why I set the bar so high and cry when I don’t reach it. In my mind, I’m never going to reach it.

My Love says it’s all in my head, and he’s right. Only I can believe that I’m good enough, only I can convince myself I’m worthy.

Every time I fail, it proves my thoughts that I’m undeserving. But like my life coach says, I have to believe that the good things I do beat the bad things I am.

I wanted a reason to get up in the morning, and here it is. Every day when I wake up, I’ll strive to do something good. If I do enough good things, they will make up for the bad, and I’ll be cool in my eyes again. Or maybe I’ll be cool in my eyes, period. Then maybe I won’t have to sing so much about the purple hair *cheeky grin*

Posted on by crystal · 119 Comments

Staging reality TV

I like Supernanny. Jo is quite loveable, and I pick some good lessons in there. I bumped into it today on E-Africa, and it was a bit … odd. Today’s couple was really young, they must be late 20s or 30s. The guy is ex-military and the girl is a stay-at-home-mum. They have three boys. The eldest looked 8, and the youngest might be 2 – I can’t be sure since I caught the show halfway.

The first thing I noticed was the mum. She was hot!! All cleavage and tanlines, with her hair and make up perfect in every shot. She was always in these spaghetti tops and mini skirts and she rocked the bare shoulders and jeans look. I have NEVER seen a housewife that hot.

The next thing I noticed was their house. It was gorgeous, with a lawn and a swimming pool. I kept thinking yay for the American dream! They’re so young. How can they afford that house on just one income?

I mentioned this to Mr 3CB and he said, ‘It’s probably staged.’

I hadn’t thought about it before, but it’s really interesting how Nanny Jo’s ideas work. Sometimes they seem practical, but sometimes I wonder. I mean, if I tell Princess to be quiet and she doesn’t listen, then some stranger comes and tells her to be quiet and she listens, then … ?

It’s also interesting that the nannies can turn problem kids into angels in just one week, and that the process can be clearly shown in under an hour. I wonder if there are outtakes, or if the kids know that the camera’s there, or even if the parents like being told they suck on national TV. But then again, the whole thing can’t be staged, can it?

On Nanny 911, they sometimes have tacky lines and I wonder how they can say them with a straight face. A lot of their advice is common sense, and I wonder why the kids hear the nannies and not their parents, especially when they’re all saying the same thing. But maybe I’m just jealous.

I worry about my parenting sometimes, especially when I watch these shows. They do so many things that I don’t, and I do so much that they say not to. But my baby is healthy and happy, and she knows that I love her, so I guess I’m doing okay. Her grades are good, her hair is clean, and when I say. ‘Stop,’ she does, even if she’ll sulk and slam some doors in the process. She always comes back and says, ‘Sorry for banging the door mum.’ The temper is in her genes, so it’s not completely her fault.

I do the best I can, and I think my best is fine. Yesterday, I was all in a panic and a good friend said, ‘Be kind to yourself, you’re doing much better than you think.’ I’m grateful for my friends, my gorgeous little girl, and Mr 3CB. I’d be so lost without them. And so shall it be.

Now, back to Black Box …