Why do people get to me so easily? Here I was, minding my own business, loving my little sanguine trip when WHAM!! Someone comes at me with a litty bitty stick and takes the pep right out of my sails. Sigh.
Here is the regular approach. Get a bigger stick. Just ignore it. Petrol bomb the digs. Just walk away. Alas, that is not me. So instead I sit here grumbling wishing one time, just ONE time, I could play b***h for a day.
Here’s the thing. I have this weird allergy. The docs don’t know what it is, but ever since I was little, I’ve had a perpetually runny nose. It’s worse late nights and early mornings, and pretty much fades away at daytime, unless I have a full-blown cold. I’m the one person in Dar who always has a hanky, and it’s not for the heat.
It’s not something that bothers me, coz I’m pretty much used to it. But apparently, it bothers other people. I’ve had one bedmate hide in the blanket because of it, and my it drove my Ex to distraction. See, I blow my nose a lot, and I blow it loud. I’m talking trumpet sounds. Live ndovus have nothing on me. I’ve been that way all my life, so I’m not even conscious of it.
A few weeks back, I was moved into a new office. My new officemates aren’t quite as introverted as me. They like to talk. A lot. About very unsavoury things. Things I’d rather not hear. So I mostly live in my headphones. Granted, I’ve always done that, but recently, said headphones died, so I’d learnt to block people out and live inside my work. But in this new office, headphones are mandatory.
Thing is, I have such a high concentration level that when I’m lost in my work, you could strip before me and I wouldn’t notice, with or without headphones. So, apparently, my officemates have noticed that, and taken to discussing me benetah my nose. And one of the things they discussed is my trumpet..er..sorry..nose.
So this morning, it is announced that I am bugging them with my trumpet, and that if I must blow my nose, I should go to the bathroom to do it. Ookaaaay. Where’d that come from? I’m sure I’ve no idea. Ordinarily, it wouldn’t bug me. After all, it was said very gently, tactfully. Almost as if they were afraid to offend me. It was even suggested I go see a doctor.
At first I was indignant. I mean they have lots of bad habits that I have let slide. I’m not big on confrontation. When someone bugs me, I work round it, find my own solution. Like wearing a sweater in Dar rather than fighting with them over their obssession with 16 degree Air Conditioning. So surely they could forgive my trumpet, no?
Plus it brought out a million bad memories, like my Ex yelling at me in midcoiutus coz I wouldn’t stop blowing my nose. Hehehe, I know, it’s ridiculous to be thinking of my nose in the midst of pale pale, and once the engines started running, the nose pretty much behaved. But in the run up, well, there was generally an unruffling of sheets, which led to blowing breeze and dust and therefore trumpets. I’d always be told to try resisting, but eh, how do you tell your running nose that it should not be blown? I mean really. 🙂
But since my Ex hated it, and my officemates hate it, i can’t dismiss it as unfounded, yes? And short of getting a nose transplant, there isn’t much I can do about it, no? I could always go passive aggressive on their lovely rears and pretend they hadn’t said anything, but that’s just so not me.
I know that I am strange. I know that I am different. I realise that nobody understands me, and I accept that. But I hate getting so defensive about it. I wish I could say ‘You don’t get me, and that’s fine’ without raising my hackles and building up a wall each time I say it. That’s what my whole sanguine trip has been about – letting myself out, no holds barred. And now with one quick word, it’s all come tumbling down.
I want to go home.
No solutions please, I know all the answers. I just don’t want to use them. What I really want is to curl up and cry. And each time I think about not blowing my ‘trumpet’, the nose starts running away. Sigh. Time for another bathroom break. This is going to be a long day.
PS: Had a banana and some coffee and feel much better now. Still running the nose and all but hey, the sun’s still shining, right? 😀 Somebody on twitter said that I am always happy. That tickled me no end, and flattered me too. So I am going to prove him right. Even if it kills me. Wish me luck!!