In the words of Loco, Milo and Archer, I have just been shot dead, burnt alive, and scared half to death. In that order. And it’s only Thursday!
A friend whose opinion I value, and who knows me pretty well, said something to me today. He says that maybe some people find me two-faced. They feel like I try too hard to be liked. They think I project an image that is popular, but that eventually, the real me peeks out, leaving people disappointed.
Perhaps this is why people who start out thinking I am intelligent, mature and mysterious end up comparing me to unseasoned breakfast. Or why people who think I am liberated, strong, a regular Mustang, end up thinking I am an illegitimate…
Le double sigh.
With the amount of TMI on this url, I don’t see how people can possibly get the wrong idea about me. I’m worse in person and on chat. I am frightfully honest in all things. It’s unhealthy!
I have such an obsession with being ‘real’ and being ‘true to myself’ that anyone thinking I am not hurts pretty bad. Worse still is the idea that maybe I’m not real at all, that maybe I’m even lying to myself!
I think people will draw their own conclusions no matter what I do. They will think I am fabulous, or mean, or cold, or bitchy, or prudish, or loose – the blind men and the elephant – all partly right, yet all partly wrong.
And they will share their opinions, just like I do.
Another friend said it doesn’t matter what people think of you, only what you think of yourself. Right now, that isn’t a whole lot 🙁
So much for being happy. Le big sigh.
The truth hurts, but usually, I am on the other side of the hurting. Usually, I am the one being brutally honest and watching people crumble at the result. I am not angry, I am grateful to my friend for sharing the truth.
But damn, it stings!
Off to meditate my crown now. Maybe I can open it without chasing Jack and Jill down a hill or getting wet.
♫ Linkin park ♫ From the inside ♫