I’ve been in session with depression for a while now, and this weekend, things got really bad. I won’t go into details, but I’ll say that I got yelled at by the one I love most. He was totally right of course, and I learned some very important things.
Depression has a trigger. Sometimes it’s big, sometimes it’s small. Sometimes it snowballs and spirals out of control. But there’s always a root behind it, and sometimes the root is hard to find.
Today I found what my root is: I don’t think I’m good enough. And it doesn’t matter how much I get praised, loved, or admired, I’ve just never been worthy in my own eyes. That’s why I set the bar so high and cry when I don’t reach it. In my mind, I’m never going to reach it.
My Love says it’s all in my head, and he’s right. Only I can believe that I’m good enough, only I can convince myself I’m worthy.
Every time I fail, it proves my thoughts that I’m undeserving. But like my life coach says, I have to believe that the good things I do beat the bad things I am.
I wanted a reason to get up in the morning, and here it is. Every day when I wake up, I’ll strive to do something good. If I do enough good things, they will make up for the bad, and I’ll be cool in my eyes again. Or maybe I’ll be cool in my eyes, period. Then maybe I won’t have to sing so much about the purple hair *cheeky grin*
19 thoughts on “Free to be … free!”
If only it were that easy, to just wake up, do one good deed and feel that you are now good enough. We have high points and low points. We forget to rejoice in the high points but when the low points reach (what you are calling depression) it does not let us forget. Lucky for you, you have Your Love and Your Life Coach. Those are the people who will always pull you out of that dark place, that you will find yourself in, once in a while. Glad that you are feeling better 🙂
Check out this book,Feeling Good by David D Burns. It’s really leaves ya feelin good.
Thanks for the tip. I’ll check it out 🙂
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