I should have done this two days ago, but I have a mortal fear of clichés and smart, cynical friends.
2010 was a good year for me. I had some super highs and some pretty scary lows. I did all I set out to do, then spent three months in limbo. The limbo kicked off with depression, and effectively cancelled my work from the last 9 months. I lost some special people in my life, found a few more, and badly aggravated my milk allergy. Basically, I’m just glad it’s over.
I feel more like myself now, whatever that means. I’ve finally accepted that ‘myself’ changes daily, and that there’s no such thing as ‘ being real’ or ‘true to me’ unless I let that ‘me’ develop and follow all her whims. That can be terrifying, but also pretty fun.
I’ve accepted some of my bad sides [not all, but some] and that’s progress; people did nice stuff for me this year. Well, last week, last year, whatever. Still, 2011 is a new beginning.
Yes, I know I’ve dissed people over the lack of old beginnings, but this just reads better.
It’s not so much the changing of a diary or ripping calendar pages. It’s more of the idea, the principle, the hope. Every morning, you wake up wishing to do better than last night. And every year, you want to reach a higher rank in life. I guess that’s what this new year is for me – a chance to move up the ranks.
Last New Year, I was excited to be home. I didn’t really think about the challenges or what it would entail. I was bowled over by my new house, new fridge, new life. I missed my old microwave, but things were pretty good.
This time it’s a lot more deliberate. I’m laying out my plans, and thinking how to beat them. I’m all about symbols, and my pretty new calendar is a sign of things to come. I’m using it as a totem for my new to-do list, and this time I’m going to make it count.
The number of clichés here is embarrassing.
A few weeks ago, I was seriously thinking of moving to Kisumu. I wanted to build a lake-house on a hill. This morning, I was thinking just as seriously of a bungalow in Karen. It was going to have a stream, lots of trees, a bouncing castle, and a trampoline. Both suggestions were met with cackling and grins that said, ‘She’ll grow out of it’. Oh well.
I accept that random fancies are part of my nature. I’m always allowed to change my daydreams. I still want that Red X6 though. I’m veering towards one in magenta…