A couple of years ago, I went through a … phase. I was working in Tanzania at the time, and I was really active on Twitter. I made a hoarde of online friends and when I came home for a two week holiday, I decided to meet all of them. In those two weeks, I crammed in maybe 15 tweet-ups, meeting two or three people every day. I realize it would have been easier to have a big party and invite all of them, but I don’t do well in crowds and I can’t multi-task to save my life. I prefer to just have tea with one tweep at a time – if I must – and not many people are comfortable with that. Anyway, I met all these people, liked some, got liked by some, scared some. I even did a post about it, though I’m sure I deleted it in one of my rages.

The sad thing is that out of all the people I met, I’m only actively in touch with two. Some people I wanted to meet again, but it never happened. Some people I must have put off, since I never heard from them again, online or off. Some people I pestered for a while before I took the hint and stopped trying. It was an interesting few weeks.

I’m an overthinker, so I’ve spent hours analyzing the situation, figuring out what went wrong and all that. I’ve come up with a whole bunch of theories and none of them are quite satisfactory. I haven’t met any online acquaintances since then – except for business purposes – and honestly, I’m afraid to. I’m generally a loner, and the question I ask myself most often is what possessed me to individually meet 15 strangers in two weeks. I blame it on the short term coffee addiction that I had at the time.

This morning, I was reading this article and it got me thinking a lot. It lists 7 reasons why people in 21st Century are miserable, and most of the points were true. The third item in the article rang truest for me. It says when we meet people online, a lot of what we type is misconstrued. So you may end up liking or disliking someone simply because you didn’t really understand what they were saying. For most people, this is fine, since social media is just a big game anyway. But for me, the line between online and offline is blurry, so I take the game way too seriously.

You then meet offline, and even if the person isn’t a hairy one-legged dwarf, even if they look exactly like their avatar, even if you’ve been talking every day for months, you’re still left sitting at a table with a complete stranger. I don’t worry about that so much, since I express myself pretty clearly. But lately I’ve realized that what I say and what people hear can be two very different things, especially in written media. Sad.

One thing I get accused of a lot – both on and offline – is being judgemental. I generally take it as a compliment. See, I form opinions really fast and articulate them really loud. The average person will look at, for example, a woman dressed in screaming orange spandex. They will think, ‘Oh boy.’ Then they will subconsciously – and very subtly – look around to how other people are reacting. They want to see if anyone else is disturbed/amused/shocked. They might quietly sneer or snigger, or simply wait for someone else to comment. They can then respond in the affirmative or whatever.

An opinionated person might look at the woman, decide the dress is too tight, the colour is unflattering, the woman is a show-off, or that the woman is extremely sanguine. She might admire the girl’s guts, or be put off that any girl would dare to demand attention quite so blatantly. The judgemental person will then say all that to whoever will listen. Some may even walk up to that woman, tap her shoulder, and tell it to her face.

The people around will then look at the judgemental person and wonder. ‘How dare she? She should just mind her own business. She doesn’t even know the girl ! How rude. What balls!’ But of course, none of this will actually be said out loud.

Being opnionated is interpreted as being rash. The average person might get to know the girl in orange, spend time with her, see her for a few days or weeks to check out the rest of her wardrobe. Then … maybe … six months down the line, they might make an observation about the dress. Maybe. They could just as easily hang out with the person for years and say nothing about the dress. They could decide to keep quiet to spare Lady Orange’s feelings, or they could decide that they’re indifferent to the dress. They could decide it doesn’t matter one way or the other, and be content knowing that while they like the girl, they wouldn’t be caught dead in a dress like that. Live and let live.

The judgemental person, conversely, voices opinions about everything, and doesn’t have six months to spend on an orange dress. If she liked the orange dress, within six months, she could have loved, wooed, and married the dress. Figuratively speaking of course, and assuming the dress didn’t run off screaming or hit Ms Judgemental with a large handbag after that first tap on the shoulder.

Nobody likes to be judged – not even people who are judgemental. The charismatic people of the world know this, and they remain friends with everyone by smiling, saying nice, funny, entertaining things, and keeping their opinions to themselves. Being controversial works too. Just think Justin Bieber vs Lady Gaga. Opinionated people, conversely, either don’t know any better or don’t care enough to shut up.

Some of us go about the world rubbing people the wrong way, others hole themselves up in igloo, and become famous for their wise, misanthropic sayings. You know, people like Jonathan Swift. But reading the 3rd of the 7 reasons for world misery made me reflect on a lot of things, and igloos came with ice skates, no?

112 thoughts on “Define judgemental

  1. I just could not depart your site prior to suggesting that I extremely enjoyed the standard information an individual supply to your visitors? Is going to be back often in order to check out new posts.

  2. Thank you for the sensible critique. Me and my neighbor were just preparing to do some research on this. We got a grab a book from our local library but I think I learned more from this post. I’m very glad to see such wonderful information being shared freely out there.

  3. Thank you for the sensible critique. Me & my neighbor were just preparing to do a little research on this. We got a grab a book from our area library but I think I learned more clear from this post. I’m very glad to see such magnificent information being shared freely out there.

  4. Hello I am so thrilled I found your website, I really found you by mistake, while I was browsing on Aol for something else, Anyhow I am here now and would just like to say thanks for a remarkable post and a all round entertaining blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to read through it all at the minute but I have bookmarked it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read much more, Please do keep up the awesome work.

  5. F*ckin’ awesome things here. I am very glad to see your article. Thanks a lot and i am looking forward to contact you. Will you please drop me a mail?

  6. Hi there would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re using? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 different browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot faster then most. Can you suggest a good web hosting provider at a fair price? Many thanks, I appreciate it!

  7. Great post. I was checking continuously this blog and I’m impressed! Very useful info specifically the last part 🙂 I care for such info much. I was looking for this particular information for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.

  8. I haven’t checked in here for some time as I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are good quality so I guess I will add you back to my daily bloglist. You deserve it my friend 🙂

  9. I’ve been browsing on-line greater than 3 hours today, yet I by no means discovered any interesting article like yours. It¡¦s pretty worth sufficient for me. In my view, if all website owners and bloggers made excellent content as you probably did, the web will probably be much more useful than ever before.

  10. I’ve read some good stuff here. Certainly price bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how a lot attempt you set to make any such magnificent informative site.

  11. Thanks for giving your ideas. I’d personally also like to convey that video games have been ever before evolving. Modern technology and revolutions have made it easier to create authentic and active games. These entertainment games were not really sensible when the concept was being experimented with. Just like other areas of know-how, video games as well have had to advance by many many years. This itself is testimony on the fast continuing development of video games.

  12. It is appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you few interesting things or tips. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article. I want to read more things about it!

  13. I got what you intend, thanks for posting .Woh I am delighted to find this website through google. “Delay is preferable to error.” by Thomas Jefferson.

  14. I learned more interesting things on this losing weight issue. 1 issue is a good nutrition is especially vital while dieting. An enormous reduction in fast foods, sugary meals, fried foods, sugary foods, beef, and whitened flour products can be necessary. Having wastes parasites, and toxic compounds may prevent targets for shedding fat. While specified drugs briefly solve the matter, the terrible side effects are usually not worth it, plus they never offer you more than a short-term solution. It’s a known fact that 95% of fad diet plans fail. Many thanks for sharing your thinking on this weblog.

  15. I’ll immediately seize your rss feed as I can not to find your email subscription link or e-newsletter service. Do you’ve any? Please allow me know in order that I may subscribe. Thanks.

  16. Good day very nice blog!! Guy .. Excellent .. Superb .. I will bookmark your web site and take the feeds additionally…I am satisfied to search out a lot of useful information right here in the post, we want develop more techniques on this regard, thanks for sharing.

  17. I have been absent for a while, but now I remember why I used to love this blog. Thanks , I¡¦ll try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your site?

  18. hi!,I like your writing very so much! proportion we keep in touch more approximately your post on AOL? I require an expert on this area to unravel my problem. May be that is you! Having a look forward to look you.

  19. Throughout the great design of things you secure an A+ for effort. Exactly where you actually misplaced everybody was in the particulars. As people say, details make or break the argument.. And that couldn’t be much more true here. Having said that, allow me inform you precisely what did deliver the results. Your article (parts of it) can be pretty engaging which is probably the reason why I am making the effort in order to opine. I do not make it a regular habit of doing that. Secondly, although I can easily notice a leaps in reason you come up with, I am not necessarily sure of exactly how you seem to connect the points which in turn help to make your conclusion. For right now I will yield to your position but wish in the foreseeable future you link your dots much better.

  20. I have been absent for a while, but now I remember why I used to love this site. Thanks , I¡¦ll try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your site?

  21. My brother suggested I might like this blog. He was entirely right. This post actually made my day. You can not imagine simply how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

  22. I cling on to listening to the news broadcast lecture about getting boundless online grant applications so I have been looking around for the best site to get one. Could you advise me please, where could i get some?

  23. you are truly a good webmaster. The website loading pace is amazing. It kind of feels that you are doing any distinctive trick. Also, The contents are masterwork. you have done a fantastic job on this matter!

  24. I want to voice my love for your kindness giving support to those people that need assistance with your concern. Your very own dedication to passing the solution all through had become exceedingly useful and has usually helped many people just like me to realize their ambitions. Your amazing valuable advice implies so much a person like me and even more to my mates. Thanks a ton; from everyone of us.

  25. It¡¦s actually a cool and useful piece of information. I am happy that you simply shared this useful info with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

  26. It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d certainly donate to this excellent blog! I suppose for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to fresh updates and will share this website with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

  27. I’ve been browsing online more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be a lot more useful than ever before.

  28. Its fantastic as your other articles : D, regards for posting . “The present is the necessary product of all the past, the necessary cause of all the future.” by Robert Green Ingersoll.

  29. hello there and thanks to your info – I’ve certainly picked up anything new from proper here. I did then again experience some technical points using this site, as I skilled to reload the site many occasions previous to I may just get it to load properly. I had been considering in case your web hosting is OK? Now not that I am complaining, however slow loading cases occasions will sometimes affect your placement in google and could damage your high-quality rating if advertising and ***********|advertising|advertising|advertising and *********** with Adwords. Well I’m including this RSS to my email and can glance out for much extra of your respective interesting content. Ensure that you replace this once more soon..

  30. Hello, Neat post. There’s a problem with your site in web explorer, would test this… IE nonetheless is the market chief and a large part of other people will omit your wonderful writing due to this problem.

  31. Excellent goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you are just extremely great. I actually like what you’ve acquired here, really like what you are stating and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still care for to keep it smart. I can’t wait to read far more from you. This is actually a wonderful site.

  32. Thanks for the sensible critique. Me and my neighbor were just preparing to do some research on this. We got a grab a book from our area library but I think I learned more from this post. I am very glad to see such magnificent information being shared freely out there.

  33. Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *