I’ve always wondered … what defines sexy? In my mind, the sexiest thing on a girl is a leso. I don’t mean those fancy things stitched into dresses. I mean a simple khanga draped across your bustline like a towel.
A true leso is see-through, it’s worn off the shoulder, it drapes well, it shows the right curves [and hides all the wrong ones … I mean … it’s hard to see tyres or a pot belly through a khanga] It’s easy to take off, and sometimes, you don’t have to take it off at all. It’s kind of like walking in a towel … except it’s not. That’s what makes it so hot. Plus … you can do wonders by absent-mindedly adjusting it. And it’s sort of the same principle as a strapless dress, so go figure.
On a guy? Jeans. Duh! [No blazers please!!] Don’t ask me what makes jeans so sexy – I have no clue. But I have theory about girls. I think what makes a girl’s dress sexy is the access. If your wear something that is easy to take off, it makes a guy’s mind wander. And that, I think, is sexy.
This doesn’t explain spandex or mini skirts. I guess their appeal is far more overt. You can see what you want to see, so it’s clear where your mind will go. But access still beats eyecandy.
Picture this dress by Victoria Beckham. It’s a figure hugging dress with a bow at the top. Now I don’t know how that works, but it made me think of laces. I kept thinking if you tug that bow, the dress will come apart and simply slip down to her feet. I’m assuming any guy thinking like that would find her dress extremely hot.
Then you have those tops with pop-off buttons, or shirts that are ripped up at the front like the girl in that M-net ad. She has a really nasty weave, but I bet that orange top has a few guys thinking naughty thoughts … like how easy it would be to tug the wispy fabric and spill everything out, no? Spanish tops and strapless things are just the same. They have elastic shoulders [or no shoulder seams at all], so you access things from top and bottom. Nice. Fitting t-shirts have the same appeal. They show off all your nice bits and they’r easy to sneak under.
According to my dictionary, sexy things make you think of the bedroom. Unless of course it’s a sexy phone or iPod. I have no idea how that one works. Takes kinky to a whole new level if you ask me. Still, the fourth definition of sexy says, ‘exciting and interesting,’ so yeah.
In my case, anything can be sexy from cartoon characters to vocal chords, and I don’t mean interesting and exciting. I guess my mind is just weird like that. For instance, I find glasses extremely sexy. And don’t ask me why – it’s not anything kinky. I also have a thing for good handwriting.
There are people that confuse you. They walk into a room and your mind switches off. You don’t know what it is about them, but you would shag them in broad daylight and you wouldn’t even know it. They’re not usually stunning people, and they’re not showing that much skin. There’s just something about them. I guess it’s the X factor, or maybe they have some odd sexiness gene. Put a person like that in jeans or ripped shirt and wow. Fireworks.
Sometimes, the person doesn’t know they’re like that, but mostly, they just hide it really well. You can’t be that hot and not know it. Eventually, it will dawn on you that strangers offer cows for a reason.
It’s awesome to wield that kind of power, but it’s sad too – a little. When you’re that hot or fly or beautiful, it’s hard for people to look past it. It’s hard to find someone that sees what’s inside – on a non-horizontal level. And it’s hard to know if someone loves you for you, or if they’re simply swimming in your pheromones.
♫ Now comes the night ♫ Rob Thomas ♫