I had my first cigarette today. Well, technically, it was my second. My first ciggie was almost ten years ago. My baby was asleep in the bedroom, and her dad suggested I should have a smoke. He figured I should just give it a try. After all, he said, who knew what I was missing? So I lit up an Embassy Menthol. I managed to do it without coughing. I suppose it’s because I didn’t inhale. I just took it in my mouth and then blew it out again. I’m not sure how I knew to do that – it might have been because of his advice. I did feel relaxed afterwards, and I thought I looked, really, really cool. I wondered why I hadn’t smoked before. There isn’t a particular reason – I just never had the interest. He suggested he would get me some vanilla in my smokes – he knew all about my sweet tooth.

Today, I felt stressed for no real reason. I think it’s just a pile-up of everything. There are moments in this life when it just seems the world is closing in on you. Earlier this week, I thought I’d kill my demons with mad sex. Today, I thought about a cigarette. So I tried to bum one off a pal, but he wouldn’t give me any, so I went to the kiosk. Another pal suggested I get Dunhill. It’s a pretty little ciggie, all white and classy, for only 7 bob.

I thought that I would feel better, all rested and relaxed. But again, I didn’t inhale. It just went in an out. It kept me from embarrassment and coughing, but I didn’t get the therapy I needed. Stunk up my breath though, and my t-shirt smells like smoke. Plus, it’s out of my system now, unless I just go nuts and look for weed.

When I got into advertising, I promised myself I wouldn’t pick a habit. No, that’s not completely true. I just hoped and hoped and hoped it wouldn’t happen, and so far, it hasn’t. But sometimes, you just want to go far, far away, and hide inside yourself, and if you can’t, you hide in other things.

I’m not really worried though. I know this too shall pass. I have a great life. I do work that I love, I have beautiful child[ren], I have a pretty house and an angel of a mboch, and my hair is just perfect! My life is good. When I came back from buying smokes, I saw the red X6. It was a KBJ. I’m going to drive that car one day. I don’t really know how, but I will.

But for today, I will go and have some burgers with my friend. We will talk, and we will smile, and we will feel all better. We’ll have cake and sweets and chocolate, and then we’ll go home to the babies, and someday soon, when we wake up, all the craziness and pain will be far, far away. Also, no more ciggies. They don’t really help.

8 thoughts on “Again with the ciggies

  1. In the world of advertising, it is very simple to pick up an habit, especially that of lighting up a cig. Had my experience but later on had to quit coz the whole thing started getting me nauseated. That’s the oddest of things but I am glad I did quit. I went nuts and tried Jane, surprisingly, there was no nausea.

  2. Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and
    wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your blog posts.
    After all I’ll be subscribing to your rss feed
    and I hope you write again soon!

  3. Hi! I know this is somewhat off topic but I
    was wondering which blog platform are you using for this site?
    I’m getting tired of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives
    for another platform. I would be awesome if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

  4. For most recent news you have to visit web and on web I found this web
    site as a most excellent web page for newest updates.

  5. Hey I am so excited I found your website, I really found you by error, while I was researching on Yahoo
    for something else, Regardless I am here now and would just like to
    say thanks for a marvelous post and a all round thrilling blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to read
    through it all at the minute but I have bookmarked it and also added in your RSS
    feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a
    lot more, Please do keep up the awesome b.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.