Being an introvert is hard. You see, when you’re talking to people inside your head, conversations generally go the way you want them to. But when you talk to people in the real world, they say all the wrong things, and that can get really annoying. After a while, it seems easeir not to have those out-loud conversations at all, just to maintain peace and sanity. You’re better off reading a book.
Another challenge to being an introvert – at least for me – is when people don’t act the way they’re supposed to. See, just like the conversations I have inside my head, there are composites I build in my head. I have a very clear picture of how Cousin X, Auntie Y, and Ex-boyfriend Z behave in certain situations, and I base all my decisions on these … shall we call them … hypotheses.
Thing is … my composites aren’t theories at all. They’re detailed constructions based on keen observation, so they should be accurate dammit. But human beings rarely co-operate. Nooooo. They have to go growing and changing and evolving, throwing massive spanners into the beautifully constructed boxes that I’ve built for them. And that’s not even counting the parts of themselves they keep so well hidden.
When a person acts ‘out of character’, it shakes my world view. It makes me wonder what else I could be wrong about. For example, is the sky still blue? Unfortunately, this business of people breaking out of their boxes has been happening a lot lately. It started with Josephine, the neighbourhood sweetheart. She’s an old lady that lives in our building. She spends most of the day sitting on her balcony staring at people walking by. Sometimes she smiles and waves, and the kids love playing with her.
I’ve always assumed Josephine was harmless. She’s not crabby or senile like some of the old people I know. She seems perfectly content with her cozy little life. At least that’s what I thought before last week. I happened to leave the office at lunch time and got home much earlier than usual. As I walked into the building, I heard a high pitched voice yelling the type of obscenities that would make a sailor blush.
I assumed it was some lunch-time drunk and approached with mild amusement. Except it wasn’t a drunk. It was Old Josephine. She was yelling at some neighbourhood kid for the unforgivable crime of refusing to run an errand for her. She was going on and on about a generation lacking respect, and the poor boy was petrified.
Then there’s Tom, the family flirt. I always assumed he was an airhead with the horizontal skills of a ruler, because he’s charming, hot, and constantly surrounded by wealthy older women. Which is fine, if you’re into that kind of thing, it’s not my place to judge. But then I recently had a conversation with him in the smoking room. No, I don’t smoke, but some people like to talk when they smoke, and sometimes, I like to listen.
Anyway, the reason we were talking was that he had just been dumped by a woman that he liked. Why? He had refused to sleep with her. Yep. Apparently, he’s saving himself for marriage, and all his lady friends just like to spend money on him for conversation, and attention, because they don’t get that from their husbands.
Of course I was skeptical, but he’s pretty convincing, and he doesn’t generally lie – at least not to me. Plus, there’s a firm, solid reason for his abstinence, pun intended. Apparently on his first day of college, they were shown a series of quite disturbing videos about abortions and STDs. Graphic stuff. He then swore he’d marry a virgin and only after a battery of tests performed in classy Swedish hospitals. Okay then. But … what level of mad skills does that boy have to get them dishing out the dough without him dishing out the di …
Moving on swiftly. There’s the person in my phone book who constantly sends me txtx dt luk lke dis, cjui 208. I’ve never taken him seriously, and he only survives on my list because he’s allegedly my brother’s boss. Le sigh. Well, two days ago, I finally met the man. Turns out he has three degrees and speaks four foreign languages. So why on earth can’t he spell? His response? “It’s called Short message Service. Duh!” Sigh.
Sometimes, my judgement goes beyond outward characteristics. Sometimes I judge people’s opinions, personalities, lifestyles. It’s odd to me that they can think, act, or be certain ways. A key issue here is homosexuality. For a long time, I thought it was a sin. But then I wondered what kind of a God would create you with an attraction to the same sex, and then declare his own creation a sin.
I’m still conflicted about it, because two of my favourite people in this world are gay. It’s easy to be with them and see them as … well … themselves. Maybe because they were already such an important part of my life, so I don’t see them as gay people, I see them as the same people they always were, the same people that I love.
When they came out to me, it wasn’t awkward or disturbing because our relationships were already established and secure, so it was like, ‘Oh, okay. So what’s for lunch?’ Well actually, it was more like, ‘I’m so glad you didn’t tell me five years ago, because I might have smashed your head with a Bible. But I’m older, wiser, and more open-minded now. So what’s for lunch?’
I do notice that I skirt certain things with them, because I don’t want to be hurtful or offensive, and I don’t know where the lines are, if any lines actually exist. I didn’t give any of it much thought until Binyavanga came out and I found myself wondering how I should ‘feel’ about it, because I didn’t feel anything at all.
But then I realise that his essay wasn’t about any of the readers. It was about him. It was an expression of himself, a form of personal release. What me or anyone else thought about it was incidental. And I think gayness, like personality, or fashion, or religion, is really about the person in question, period.
I suppose we can argue – I can argue – that my opinions (whether they’re happy or angry) are part of who I am, and that forming them cements my personality. But that’s just it. My opinions cement my personality. They have nothing to do with how anyone else chooses to live their life. The rest of the world can and do form opinions, but in the end, the only thing that matters is you.
Speaking of boxes, I have a pretty tight one for myself. I don’t know if this has anything with being an introvert, but I love being psycho-analysed and doing personality tests. I know very few people brave enough to humour me with the former (bless you both), but as for the latter, I have so far tested as INFJ, Type 4, and mel-choleric. All three results focus on me thinking I’m unusual, individual, one-of-a-kind, there-is-only-one-me and all that kind of thing. But the more I think about it, the more I reluctantly admit I’m just like anybody else.
Maybe we only feel we’re unique because nobody expresses these universal joys, triumph, or fears in the exact same way you do. Maybe everyone secretly thinks that billboard top 40 song is dumb, or that famous girl is plain, or that award-winning movie has no plot. And maybe everyone hides these feelings to fit in, or maybe when they do display opinions, they deliberately do so in ways in that no one else can recognise.
The thing about the internet is people type a lot of things they wouldn’t say out loud. So if you hang around long enough, you’ll find out that lots of people share your unique quirks. They just don’t like to talk about. For example, defensive pre-emptive rejection is a thing. It isn’t just in my head. Yay!
Logically speaking, discovering that we’re more alike than we think is a good thing. But it can be depressing when you enjoy feeling like one-of-a kind. We all think we’re special. We all want to be noticed, even if we want to be noticed for being the person who doesn’t want to be noticed. I was thinking about it the other day, and the only reason I wear jeans while all my peers dress up is because I want to be different.
It’s a stubborn form of rebellion. Some girls want to stand out for being the most stylish. I subconsciously want to stand out for the opposite. But clearly, I still want to stand out. If I genuinely didn’t want the attention, I’d dress like everyone else to fully blend in. So in effect, I go against the grain not to refute the grain itself, but as a sneaky way of being seen inside the grain.
By being an introvert, I don’t fit into the typical social fabric because I’m happy in my corner with my book. But at a party, the most visible person – ironically – is the one sitting in a corner with a book. You want everyone to ignore you, but at the end of the party, everyone has noticed you. So by shunning attention, you’re inadvertently seeking it just as much as the loudest person at the party.
By sitting there, you’re saying, “I don’t care about this party. I want you to see that I don’t care about this party. And I want you to know how much I hate being here. I’m different from all of you, because you all want to be here, and I don’t.”
Ironically, lots of the people at that party don’t want to be there either. They just hide in different ways, like drinking so much they forget themselves, standing awkwardly in dark corners, forcing conversations and laughing far too loud. And no, it’s not any more effective to skip the party, especially the kind of party where everyone there notices your absence. *cheeky grin*
I think there’s a reason it took me six months to write this post. I kept adding a paragraph here and a line there, and now I feel I finally get the point. Making snap judgements is easy. Especially when said judgements were reached after several hours of keen observation. But maybe it’s time I learned to change my judgements, or better yet, to not make them at all.
It’s only human to care what other people think, and to mould our lives around that, even if we mould them by ‘rebelling.’ Dressing like a tomboy doesn’t make me any less of a girl. If anything, my tomboy-hood re-inforces what it is to be ‘feminine’, and deep down, I accept that idea, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be fighting it so hard. If you didn’t care about ‘girly things’ you wouldn’t take the time or effort to contradict them. By being a tomboy, you’re effectively saying, “That’s what a girl is, and I don’t want to be … that.” Doesn’t stop you being a girl though.
There will always be specific people you need to please (or displease); significant others, parents, children, yadda yadda yadda. But accepting that their opinion doesn’t change or define you is important. You are not what people think you are, whether you mould yourself into that image or invent yourself against it. No matter what anyone says, thinks, implies, suggests, or puts on TV, you will always be you, that soul that is sharpest and clearest at 3.00 a.m. on an idle Tuesday.
If we could all make our peace with that, life would be a whole lot easier, and maybe we wouldn’t all be angry all the time. I’m not there yet, but I hope I will be soon, because it’s a beautiful place to be. And maybe once I’m there, I’ll learn to keep pointless judgements and opinions to myself. Or better yet, I’ll learn not to have them at all.
♫ I knew you were trouble ♫ Taylor Swift ♫
I just want to tell you that I am just newbie to blogs and seriously savored you’re web site. Likely I’m planning to bookmark your site . You really have fantastic writings. Many thanks for revealing your web page.
Thank you for sharing excellent informations. Your web site is so cool. I’m impressed by the details that you have on this blog. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for more articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found simply the information I already searched all over the place and simply could not come across. What a great site.
I like the valuable info you provide on your articles. I will bookmark your blog and take a look at once more right here frequently. I am slightly certain I’ll be told many new stuff right right here! Good luck for the next!
Undeniably believe that which you said. Your favourite reason appeared to be on the web the easiest thing to take into accout of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed while other folks think about concerns that they plainly do not understand about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the top and outlined out the entire thing with no need side effect , folks could take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thank you
My husband and i ended up being really ecstatic when Chris managed to complete his survey while using the precious recommendations he had in your web site. It is now and again perplexing just to possibly be giving for free helpful tips that others have been making money from. And now we remember we’ve got the website owner to give thanks to for that. The type of explanations you made, the easy site navigation, the relationships you will make it possible to promote – it’s got mostly spectacular, and it’s helping our son and us reckon that the situation is interesting, and that’s really essential. Thank you for all the pieces!
An fascinating discussion is worth comment. I believe that it’s best to write extra on this topic, it might not be a taboo subject however usually people are not enough to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers
An impressive share, I just given this onto a colleague who was doing a little bit analysis on this. And he actually bought me breakfast because I discovered it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the deal with! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love studying more on this topic. If possible, as you become expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more particulars? It is extremely helpful for me. Massive thumb up for this weblog submit!
Excellent post however I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Thanks!
It is indeed my belief that mesothelioma can be the most lethal cancer. It’s got unusual features. The more I actually look at it the more I am confident it does not conduct itself like a real solid cells cancer. If perhaps mesothelioma can be a rogue virus-like infection, in that case there is the probability of developing a vaccine and offering vaccination for asbestos subjected people who are at high risk of developing upcoming asbestos connected malignancies. Thanks for expressing your ideas for this important health issue.
Hi, i think that i saw you visited my blog thus i came to “return the favor”.I’m attempting to find things to improve my site!I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!
I’m not sure exactly why but this weblog is loading very slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a problem on my end? I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.
Some really prime content on this site, saved to bookmarks .
My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find a lot of your post’s to be exactly what I’m looking for. Does one offer guest writers to write content available for you? I wouldn’t mind creating a post or elaborating on most of the subjects you write related to here. Again, awesome web log!
Once I initially commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a remark is added I get 4 emails with the identical comment. Is there any manner you possibly can take away me from that service? Thanks!
Good day! I simply would like to give a huge thumbs up for the good data you may have right here on this post. I can be coming again to your blog for extra soon.
I’ve been surfing on-line more than 3 hours as of late, yet I by no means discovered any fascinating article like yours. It is pretty worth sufficient for me. Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet might be much more helpful than ever before. “No one has the right to destroy another person’s belief by demanding empirical evidence.” by Ann Landers.
But wanna state that this is handy , Thanks for taking your time to write this.
It’s in point of fact a nice and helpful piece of info. I am glad that you just shared this useful information with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.
Hiya, I am really glad I have found this info. Today bloggers publish just about gossips and internet and this is really frustrating. A good website with exciting content, this is what I need. Thank you for keeping this site, I’ll be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Cant find it.
Great – I should definitely pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all tabs and related information ended up being truly simple to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or something, site theme . a tones way for your customer to communicate. Excellent task.
you will have an awesome weblog right here! would you wish to make some invite posts on my blog?
I have observed that in the world these days, video games are classified as the latest craze with children of all ages. Often times it may be out of the question to drag young kids away from the games. If you want the best of both worlds, there are many educational activities for kids. Interesting post.
Once I initially commented I clicked the -Notify me when new feedback are added- checkbox and now each time a remark is added I get 4 emails with the identical comment. Is there any approach you may take away me from that service? Thanks!
Do you mind if I quote a few of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your weblog? My blog is in the exact same area of interest as yours and my visitors would definitely benefit from a lot of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Cheers!
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wished to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!
I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was wondering what all is needed to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% sure. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. Kudos
When I initially commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I get 4 emails with the identical comment. Is there any method you can remove me from that service? Thanks!
I am typically to running a blog and i actually appreciate your content. The article has actually peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your site and maintain checking for brand new information.
you are really a excellent webmaster. The site loading speed is amazing. It seems that you are doing any distinctive trick. In addition, The contents are masterwork. you’ve performed a excellent task on this matter!
Hello there, You have done an incredible job. I will certainly digg it and personally suggest to my friends. I’m confident they’ll be benefited from this website.
Hey there, You’ve performed an excellent job. I’ll certainly digg it and in my opinion recommend to my friends. I am sure they will be benefited from this site.
Thanks for the marvelous posting! I certainly enjoyed reading it, you are a great author.I will remember to bookmark your blog and may come back down the road. I want to encourage you to ultimately continue your great work, have a nice day!
You made some decent factors there. I seemed on the internet for the problem and found most individuals will associate with together with your website.
I’d must verify with you here. Which is not something I normally do! I enjoy reading a submit that will make people think. Also, thanks for permitting me to remark!
Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your weblog? My blog site is in the very same area of interest as yours and my visitors would really benefit from a lot of the information you present here. Please let me know if this okay with you. Appreciate it!
Hi! I’ve been reading your weblog for some time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Dallas Texas! Just wanted to tell you keep up the great work!
I’ll immediately grasp your rss feed as I can’t find your e-mail subscription hyperlink or newsletter service. Do you’ve any? Kindly allow me realize so that I may just subscribe. Thanks.
I just couldn’t depart your web site before suggesting that I extremely enjoyed the standard info a person provide for your visitors? Is gonna be back often to check up on new posts
Hiya, I’m really glad I’ve found this info. Nowadays bloggers publish just about gossips and web and this is actually frustrating. A good site with exciting content, this is what I need. Thank you for keeping this website, I will be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Cant find it.
This website can be a stroll-by way of for all the information you wished about this and didnít know who to ask. Glimpse right here, and youíll definitely discover it.
I was just looking for this information for some time. After six hours of continuous Googleing, finally I got it in your website. I wonder what’s the lack of Google strategy that don’t rank this type of informative web sites in top of the list. Generally the top web sites are full of garbage.
hello!,I really like your writing so a lot! percentage we keep up a correspondence more approximately your post on AOL? I need a specialist in this area to unravel my problem. Maybe that’s you! Looking ahead to look you.
I gotta favorite this website it seems very helpful handy
Kept in sent gave feel will oh it we. Has pleasure procured men laughing shutters nay. Old insipidity motionless continuing law shy partiality. Depending acuteness dependent eat use dejection. Unpleasing astonished discovered not nor shy. Morning hearted now met yet beloved evening. Has and upon his last here must.
Good post. I learn something more challenging on completely different blogs everyday. It would always be stimulating to learn content from other writers and practice a little bit one thing from their store. I’d favor to use some with the content material on my weblog whether you don’t mind. Natually I’ll offer you a hyperlink on your web blog. Thanks for sharing.
Hey very nice website!! Man .. Excellent .. Amazing .. I’ll bookmark your site and take the feeds also…I am happy to find numerous useful info here in the post, we need work out more strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .
I appreciate, cause I found exactly what I was looking for. You have ended my four day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye
I genuinely enjoy reading through on this internet site , it has got superb content . “For Brutus is an honourable man So are they all, all honourable men.” by William Shakespeare.
Howdy! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any tips or suggestions? Many thanks