It wasn’t actually last night – it was more like five minutes ago, but that title isn’t nearly as catchy.
The worst thing with depression is the cycle. You get down, you come up, you get down, you come up, you get down … you start thinking it’s not worth coming up again. After all, you’ll only be up a little while before you get back down.
Sunday was a really bad day for me. Monday was only slightly better. Tuesday was a breeze, Wednesday was so-so. Now it’s Thursday, and it’s safe to say I’m down again. Right back at Sunday.
I’ve been listening to my iTunes, mostly to drown out the Naija movie Princess is watching next door. The thing with iTunes is it’s random, so it plays the songs you least expect. And when you have 20 gigs of music, it sometimes plays things you didn’t know you had.
So it was that I heard Kiss from a rose by Seal. As teens, we said his soul is really hot – partly because of the song – but mostly coz he married Heidi Klum. I can’t even say it out loud.
There’s a part of that song that had lyrics I never quite heard. Something about towers and a hill, so I Googled the song and found them on azlyrics. As it turns out, it’s not hills, it’s a pill; and it’s not grave, it’s gray. Which makes the song ten times more cryptic and five times more deep. I’m going to Google an interpretation.
Point is, I was in deep with depression, thinking about Actifed and rope, then I got distracted by the music. I’m playing it now on OCD mode, and seeing if I can figure it out. It didn’t really change things, but it stopped far less healthy thoughts. I guess it’s a new coping mechanism.
When you love someone who likes to fix things, and he sees you’re something he can’t fix … things get a little crappy. But this is a sickness, and short of electric shock therapy, it really has no cure.
They say it’s a mental disease, and some think you can beat it with your mind. I don’t know about that. What I know is what my life coach taught me. I need to take it one day at a time, and focus on getting me safely through to bedtime.
I also sift the drama from the life, and that’s a lot harder than it seems. I have to see some things as details, and I have to let them go, even if it hurts. Butterflies and boomerangs and all that.
Okay, done. Now, seriously, what the eff is a kiss from a rose on the gray, and what does it have to do with Val Kilmer’s Batman? Heidi?
10 thoughts on “Last night my iTunes saved my life”
I totally feel u . Especially about ups and downs. I’m down today. And the thing is, that cud be perfectly normal for most poeple. Except for me, a bad day sends shivers of fear down my spine-what if it becomes a bad couple of days, and then a bad week, and then a bad month. Will I ever be able to come up for air? Or will this bad day suck me into its vortex of greys and nothingness? Sigh. Only tomorrow will tell. Keep ur chin up madame. 🙂 xx
If some one wishes expert view about blogging and site-building then i recommend him/her to pay a quick visit this website, Keep up the nice
Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve visited this web site before but after browsing
through some of the posts I realized it’s new to me.
Regardless, I’m certainly pleased I stumbled upon it and I’ll be bookmarking it
and checking back frequently!
It is in point of fact a nice and helpful piece
of info. I’m glad that you shared this helpful info with us.
Please stay us informed like this. Thank you for
I love what you guys are up too. This type of clever work
and coverage! Keep up the excellent works guys I’ve
included you guys to blogroll.
It’s really a great and useful piece of info. I’m glad that you simply shared this useful
information with us. Please stay us informed
like this. Thanks for sharing.
Very good article. I definitely love this site. Thanks!
Wow that was odd. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear.
Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just wanted to say great blog!
Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this website.
It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s very difficult to
get that “perfect balance” between usability and appearance.
I must say you have done a amazing job with this.
In addition, the blog loads super quick for
me on Opera. Outstanding Blog!
Your means of explaining everything in this paragraph is genuinely nice, all
be capable of without difficulty understand it, Thanks a lot.