If you know anything about me, you’ll know that I have weight issues – I always want to be thinner than I am. I’m not bulimic or anything like that. I just wish my tummy was a whole lot flatter. I weigh a rather scary 73kg even though it doesn’t really show because I’m 5’6 and curvy, but my BMI is 27 and it really does bug me. So starting last month, I decided to do something about it.

It happened quite accidentally. I was visiting my cousin and I saw this timetable on her wall, so I asked her what it was about. She told me she was on The 4 Day Diet. It’s not nearly as cheesy as it sounds – it actually lasts for 28 days, and includes about 4 hours of exercise every week. I ordered the book on Kalahari. Three months and several frustrating phone calls later, the book arrived.

No, it's not what is sounds like, even though once I bought the book, Princess read the cover, stared at me in horror and yelled, 'Mummy, you want to be thin on Friday?!?' God I love that child.

Now here’s the thing. Apart from my midriff section, I quite like the way I look. I enjoy the double dees, and I look okay in jeans. Also, I love food. Every man I’ve been with [and some women I haven’t been with] has commented on my appetite. For food. I allegedly eat a lot. So any kind of diet is hard for me on several levels. One, I don’t want to lose the pretty curves. Two, it’s really, really, really hard for me to say no to good food. And it’s even harder to be thought as a girl who ‘watches her portions’ *shudder*.

But I’m turning 30 at the end of this year, and that brings with it all sorts of insecurities. Fortunately, I have an 8 year old daughter, so I skipped over the bio-clock thing. But I’d still like to look my best, so I set out this big, ambitious plan. I was going to lose 15kg in 6 months. If I lost just one kilo per week, I’d be done long before then, and I’m doing okay so far.

But … the programme involves exercise … and … well … and I suck at exercise. I recently got a new job in Westlands, and I have to report to work at 8.30. That means I wake up at 5.30, get my baby ready for school, walk with her to gate, and get on the mathree at 7.00 a.m. Exercise would mean waking up at 4.00 a.m. to do tae-bo. The tae-bo part is fine. The getting up at 4.oo not so much. I suppose I could exercise at night, but I usually get home at 8.00 or 9.00 p.m. and I’m too tired to do anything but cuddle the babies and sleep. Thank goodness I’m the ‘man of the house’ so I’m not required to provide sex after work.

The diet has 4 day cycles, so you do 4 days of detox, 4 days of protein, 4 days of pampering and etc and etc. There are cycles where you’re not meant to have any carbs, and I admit, those ones are hard for me. Yes, I cheat. But despite doing no exercise and cheating on occasion, I’ve managed to lose 3kg in 3 weeks, so yay! Of course if I’d stop cheating and exercise, I could reach my target a lot sooner than that. And I hope I don’t plateau before I get there.

Anyway, this story is about fake cardio. I had concluded that if I could just run up and down the office stairs ten times a day, I’d do all the cardio I need. But two Saturdays into the diet, that wasn’t going very well. It’s not that I can’t climb the stairs – I can. It’s that I’m … well … embarrassed shy. See, my office in on the 4th Floor of our building, and each floor is separated by two flights of stairs. The lift only goes up to the 3rd Floor, so everyone has to walk up the last two flights of stairs.

At the top of the stairs, there’s a G4S guy, and he knows how the stairs work. So every day, I run up the 8 flights of stairs and get to the top panting like I’ve just run a marathon. He assumes I’ve just come off the lift and am exhausted after scaling a mere handful of steps, so he stares at me like ‘Really?!’ So yeah, that form of cardio isn’t on anymore.

Anyway, Saturday. I was feeling guilty because I’d had a pack of fries for breakfast [What. It was either that or two huge chocolate doughnuts. I’ve had dreams about those doughnuts. Dreams!] I was standing at the bus stop waiting for my ride home and the mathrees were taking a little too long to arrive. After waiting for maybe half an hour, it occurred to me that I could walk. Other people were doing it, and it would only take me three hours to get from Church Road to Westlands, right? And after that, I might as well go all the way to town, right? It would burn off the fries I’d had…

While I was thinking these blasphemous thoughts, a mathree finally arrived, and I was about to get on when a workmate got off. We chatted for a while, then he went to look for something to eat … and I realized that the mathree had left me. Crud. I was toying with the idea of walking again when a second matatu arrived, thank God. Because I really don’t think I would have made it all the way to Westlands…

So here I am, three kilos lighter, with just five to go. I feel pretty pleased with myself, and I plan to go on at this pace. I’m crossing fingers against weight plateaus because if that happens, well, I’ll have to stop cheating, and I’d have to do the exercise portion of things *shudder*. I don’t think I’ll end things with a washboard tummy, but I have a slightly more healthy lifestyle. I’ve learnt to cut down my sugar and my portions, to cook brown rice, and to pile my plate with veggies and legumes so there’s barely space for carbs. Today I served up a regular lunch and it was too much to finish, and that felt awesome because it means my body can now operate on less, yay!

I’m not sure how this translates into dates. I mean, I won’t have men complimenting my eating capacity now. *pout* The guys at work look at my plate, sneer, and ask, ‘Is that enough for you?’ I bow my head in shame as I admit that I am now one of ‘those girls’ and I almost want to eat in the closet! But I think I’m still kind of doing okay … as long as I don’t walk into a restaurant and order a plate of salad. That would be so wrong. So very, very wrong…

Without you Breaking Benjamin

110 thoughts on “Fake Cardio

  1. I will right away grab your rss as I can’t to find your email subscription hyperlink or e-newsletter service. Do you have any? Kindly permit me recognise so that I may subscribe. Thanks.

  2. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something informative to read?

  3. Appreciating the time and energy you put into your blog and detailed information you offer. It’s awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same old rehashed information. Wonderful read! I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  4. I like what you guys are up too. Such smart work and reporting! Keep up the superb works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it’ll improve the value of my site :).

  5. There are some interesting closing dates on this article however I don’t know if I see all of them heart to heart. There may be some validity however I’ll take hold opinion until I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we wish more! Added to FeedBurner as nicely

  6. Wow, fantastic blog format! How lengthy have you ever been blogging for? you make running a blog glance easy. The entire look of your website is wonderful, let alone the content material!

  7. I believe this web site contains some very excellent info for everyone. “Philosophy triumphs easily over past evils and future evils but present evils triumph over it.” by La Rochefoucauld.

  8. Fantastic goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you are just extremely magnificent. I actually like what you have acquired here, certainly like what you are stating and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still care for to keep it sensible. I can’t wait to read much more from you. This is actually a wonderful site.

  9. Hi there! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I truly enjoy reading your posts. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same topics? Thanks!

  10. I really like your writing style, good info, thanks for posting :D. “I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.” by Joseph Baretti.

  11. I’m not sure where you’re getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more. Thanks for fantastic info I was looking for this information for my mission.

  12. I’ve been absent for some time, but now I remember why I used to love this website. Thanks, I’ll try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your web site?

  13. We are a gaggle of volunteers and opening a brand new scheme in our community. Your website provided us with valuable info to paintings on. You have performed an impressive activity and our entire group will likely be thankful to you.

  14. I haven’t checked in here for some time as I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are great quality so I guess I will add you back to my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend 🙂

  15. hello there and thank you in your info – I have definitely picked up something new from proper here. I did alternatively expertise several technical points the use of this web site, since I skilled to reload the web site a lot of occasions previous to I may get it to load correctly. I have been considering if your hosting is OK? Not that I am complaining, however sluggish loading instances instances will very frequently affect your placement in google and could injury your quality score if ads and ***********|advertising|advertising|advertising and *********** with Adwords. Well I’m including this RSS to my email and could look out for much more of your respective intriguing content. Make sure you update this once more very soon..

  16. Heya are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you require any coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  17. This design is spectacular! You most certainly know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

  18. What’s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve discovered It positively useful and it has helped me out loads. I’m hoping to contribute & assist different users like its helped me. Good job.

  19. A formidable share, I simply given this onto a colleague who was doing a little evaluation on this. And he actually bought me breakfast as a result of I found it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this, I really feel strongly about it and love reading extra on this topic. If attainable, as you develop into experience, would you mind updating your weblog with extra particulars? It’s highly helpful for me. Large thumb up for this blog publish!

  20. I’m extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to see a great blog like this one these days..

  21. You could definitely see your skills in the work you write. The arena hopes for even more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always go after your heart.

  22. Wow! This can be one particular of the most beneficial blogs We’ve ever arrive across on this subject. Actually Magnificent. I am also an expert in this topic therefore I can understand your effort.

  23. Very interesting details you have noted , regards for posting . “Oh, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive” by Sir Walter Scott.

  24. Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a forty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  25. Good – I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your site. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs and related information ended up being truly simple to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Reasonably unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, site theme . a tones way for your customer to communicate. Nice task.

  26. I was suggested this website by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my trouble. You’re amazing! Thanks!

  27. Magnificent goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you’re just extremely fantastic. I actually like what you’ve acquired here, certainly like what you are stating and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still care for to keep it sensible. I cant wait to read much more from you. This is really a terrific web site.

  28. I truly wanted to write a brief note so as to say thanks to you for the stunning secrets you are sharing here. My extensive internet investigation has at the end of the day been paid with pleasant suggestions to share with my friends and family. I would repeat that we readers actually are unequivocally blessed to live in a very good network with many brilliant individuals with very helpful techniques. I feel somewhat grateful to have encountered your entire webpages and look forward to some more pleasurable minutes reading here. Thank you once more for everything.

  29. Hi there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it is really informative. I’m going to watch out for brussels. I will be grateful if you continue this in future. Many people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  30. In this awesome design of things you’ll secure an A+ for hard work. Exactly where you confused us was in your particulars. You know, they say, details make or break the argument.. And it could not be much more accurate at this point. Having said that, permit me tell you just what did work. Your article (parts of it) is incredibly persuasive and this is probably the reason why I am making the effort to opine. I do not make it a regular habit of doing that. Next, although I can see the jumps in logic you make, I am not convinced of exactly how you appear to unite the points that produce the actual final result. For the moment I will, no doubt yield to your position but wish in the foreseeable future you link your dots better.

  31. I do believe all the ideas you have presented in your post. They are very convincing and will certainly work. Nonetheless, the posts are too quick for novices. May you please prolong them a little from next time? Thanks for the post.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.