You know those people who only use their laptops at 20%? I’m one of them. I only log onto messenger, Gtalk, Picassa, Word … and Character Map. Oh, and I once created really gorgeous business cards with Photoshop. I never got to use them, because I got a day job three days later, but at least I know how to do it now. Anyway, clearly, I have no business doing anything in tech. That despite my geeky fetish … and the fact that I work at a digital agency. Which is how I ended up with a smartphone.

You see, I don’t like to spend a lot on phones, so I’ve had about four different kinds of Mulika Mwizis. At one point, I had 4 Nokia 1200 handsets. At the same time. And they were all active.  I know, I’m special. I recently upgraded to a pretty China thing that sorta-kinda had twin-sim and internet. But after a few weeks at the agency, I realised that I needed a real phone. You can’t be a ‘social media expert‘ and walk around with a phone that doesn’t even tweet! Enter ED, my pretty black Ideos. And then … the nightmare began.

ED and I spent our first night together online. I would type stupid questions on Twitter, then punch him to get a response. Yes, ED is a touch phone, but I wasn’t touching – I was punching. Here’s the thing. Before buying the Ideos, I knew very little about smartphones and phoneternet. All I knew was that it’s a bad idea to surf outside of bundles. Please note that I had no idea just what bundles were, since I pay my Zuku bill just once a month, so I have no idea how people watch MBs. Note, also, that I once told a workmate that I had a 2MB flashdisk and 512GB modem, and I had no idea why he was laughing.

So when I took my pretty new Ideos from its box, I spent some time reading the instructions booklets. I read them cover-to-cover because … well … I do things like that. Then I turned it on … and spent ten minutes staring at it. It wasn’t because it was pretty. It was because I was waiting for the writing to disappear. At some point, I used my finger to trace the pretty rainbow text … and was prompted to ‘Drag to unlock the screen’. Oopsie!

Next, the phone prompted me to key in my Google password. Then the troubles began. See, my passwords are an interesting mix of Swa, slang, Jang, French, and Leetspeak. They’re all perfectly logical words inside my head, but on paper, they’re 13 digits of gibberish. Now, try typing 13 digits of nonsense on an Android keyboard when you’re so blonde that you can’t get the bloody screen unlocked. =(

After half an hour, I had successfully keyed in my password. Next, the phone started issuing instructions like ‘Press to open keyboard’ and stuff, but each time I tried to get anywhere, I ended up typing the wrong letter. It was even worse because I had to switch between the ABC and 123 inputs. God! At some point, a Google window opened, and I was jazzed by the clarity and pretty colours.

And then … the phone went off! It took me another five minutes to realise I’d run out of credit. But how?!? I hadn’t even done anything yet!

I’d bought some airtime with the intention of buying a bundle – even though I still had no idea what that was. I knew it involved keying *544 or 450# or something like that, and I figured I should turn the net off before I reloaded anything. Thing is … I had no idea how to do that! I didn’t know what any button did, and when I managed to stumble into settings, I had no idea what they were! There was something about Wi-Fi and 2G. I didn’t even know there was 2G. It’s not like I’d heard the term before. I tried to tweet my question, and about a hundred people answered like this:

Please note that at this point, I still had no idea of exactly what an effing bundle was!! Anyway, after a few more lost, blonde questions, I finally found the ‘off’ button, loaded my bundle, and started exploring. It was quite frustrating because everything needed a password, and logging in took me ten minutes a try. Plus, for reasons that can only be attributed to my specialness, I kept forgetting where the settings were =(

Three days into my Ideos nightmare, I downloaded a Touchpal Keyboard which, thank God, turned my Ideos into a phone! The only problem was … nothing else worked! The phone would hang for ages, and the only advice I could get was ‘Try turning it off and on again.’ Groan. Also, I hung up on a lot of people … because I couldn’t figure out how to take calls! Also, I routinely woke the entire household because I didn’t know how to put off the alarm. And I panicked because I somehow lost all my numbers, and my phone book was now inexplicably full of Gtalk avatars. Did I mention I almost threw the phone because it kept on going landscape on me? Why do I have a smartphone again?

Fast forward to two weeks later, and I now know where all the features are, though I still don’t know how to use them. The only thing I do consistently is turn data off and on as necessary, and I can’t even tweet because I type too slow. I did successfully update a twitpic, which is a huge achievement for me, so yay! Of course, I had to explain to the princess why I was eating Maryland cookies without her…

Still, my nightmare was far from over, because now I had to use ED for *gulp* work. I was required to attend a function and tweet. Live. Yes. This with a phone that I could barely switch on and off! I tried to get them to let me use a laptop, but the closest compromise was to let me use a Blackberry. I have never used a Blackberry. Let’s just say it didn’t end well.

So now I have extra homework. I have to learn to tweet from my Ideos in realtime, and I have to do it without typos, mishaps, or moments of blondeness. It would also help if I could regularly twitpic, and if I could do all these combined tasks really, really fast. All I can say is … God help me!

Ships in the nightMat Kearney

 

127 thoughts on “My Ideos Nightmare

  1. good luck with figuring it out those things take a lot of time to get used to, and where oh where canyou even find a 2 mb lashdisc, hold on to it it may be worth a lot of money one day

  2. #1. *Assuming you haven’t ditched the phone by now* instead of manually switching the data on& off you cud… download this app ‘juice defender’ it’ll switch off data everytime the screen goes off. (there’s a free app and a paid one, you choose)

    #2. try checking up this dudes url/blog kogitronomy.wordpress.com/2011/08/07/optimizing-the-huawei-ideos-u8150-for-minimum-data-battery-consumption/

  3. That is a great tip particularly to those fresh to the blogosphere.
    Simple but very precise information… Thank you for sharing this one.

    A must read post!

  4. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be actually
    something that I think I would never understand.
    It seems too complicated and extremely broad for
    me. I am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

  5. I just want to tell you that I am beginner to weblog and seriously loved this web-site. Probably I’m likely to bookmark your website . You really come with perfect article content. Appreciate it for sharing with us your blog site.

  6. Today, I went to the beachfront with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and
    said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She
    put the shell to her ear and screamed. There
    was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back!
    LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!

  7. I have read some just right stuff here. Certainly price bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how much effort you set to make the sort of magnificent informative website.

  8. One more thing. I do believe that there are several travel insurance web pages of respected companies that let you enter a trip details and acquire you the insurance quotes. You can also purchase the particular international travel cover policy on-line by using your own credit card. All you should do would be to enter your own travel specifics and you can start to see the plans side-by-side. Just find the package that suits your finances and needs and then use your bank credit card to buy that. Travel insurance online is a good way to start looking for a dependable company pertaining to international travel cover. Thanks for expressing your ideas.

  9. Hello, Neat post. There’s an issue along with your site in web explorer, may test this… IE nonetheless is the marketplace leader and a good component to other people will pass over your excellent writing due to this problem.

  10. Does your website have a contact page? I’m having trouble locating it but, I’d like to send you an e-mail. I’ve got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great website and I look forward to seeing it expand over time.

  11. Thank you for another wonderful post. Where else could anyone get that type of info in such an ideal way of writing? I’ve a presentation next week, and I am on the look for such info.

  12. You could definitely see your skills in the work you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe. Always follow your heart.

  13. It¡¦s in reality a great and useful piece of information. I¡¦m happy that you shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  14. Fantastic blog! Do you have any helpful hints for aspiring writers? I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you recommend starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely overwhelmed .. Any recommendations? Thank you!

  15. That is the suitable blog for anybody who needs to search out out about this topic. You realize a lot its nearly onerous to argue with you (not that I actually would want…HaHa). You definitely put a brand new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Great stuff, simply nice!

  16. It¡¦s really a cool and useful piece of information. I¡¦m glad that you shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

  17. F*ckin’ awesome things here. I am very glad to see your post. Thank you a lot and i’m taking a look ahead to touch you. Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?

  18. What’s Happening i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve found It absolutely helpful and it has helped me out loads. I hope to contribute & aid other users like its aided me. Great job.

  19. Great beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your site, how could i subscribe for a blog site? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear concept

  20. I’d need to verify with you here. Which is not one thing I normally do! I get pleasure from studying a publish that may make individuals think. Additionally, thanks for permitting me to comment!

  21. After going over a number of the articles on your site, I honestly appreciate your technique of blogging.
    I book-marked it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back soon. Take a
    look at my website as well and tell me how you feel.

  22. of course like your web-site however you need to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling issues and I to find it very bothersome to tell the reality nevertheless I will surely come back again.

  23. Fantastic website. Plenty of useful information here. I¡¦m sending it to a few buddies ans additionally sharing in delicious. And naturally, thanks for your sweat!

  24. Today, considering the fast way of living that everyone leads, credit cards get this amazing demand throughout the market. Persons throughout every area are using credit card and people who are not using the credit card have made up their minds to apply for even one. Thanks for giving your ideas in credit cards.

  25. great post, very informative. I wonder why the other experts of this sector don’t notice this. You should continue your writing. I am sure, you have a huge readers’ base already!

  26. Thank you a lot for sharing this with all folks you really realize what you are talking approximately! Bookmarked. Kindly also seek advice from my website =). We may have a hyperlink change agreement among us!

  27. hi!,I love your writing very so much! percentage we keep up a correspondence more about your article on AOL? I require a specialist on this area to unravel my problem. Maybe that is you! Having a look forward to peer you.

  28. Someone necessarily lend a hand to make significantly articles I would state. This is the very first time I frequented your web page and up to now? I surprised with the analysis you made to make this particular post extraordinary. Wonderful task!

  29. Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different internet browsers and both show the same outcome.

  30. I have seen that service fees for online degree authorities tend to be a terrific value. Like a full Bachelor’s Degree in Communication from The University of Phoenix Online consists of 60 credits from $515/credit or $30,900. Also American Intercontinental University Online comes with a Bachelors of Business Administration with a whole school element of 180 units and a cost of $30,560. Online degree learning has made obtaining your college degree so much easier because you can easily earn your degree in the comfort of your abode and when you finish from office. Thanks for all your other tips I have really learned from your web-site.

  31. I really appreciate this post. I’ve been looking everywhere for this! Thank goodness I found it on Bing. You’ve made my day! Thx again

  32. I intended to put you that bit of remark to help say thanks a lot once again with your incredible pointers you have shown at this time. This has been really unbelievably generous of people like you to offer openly precisely what a lot of people might have marketed as an ebook in order to make some dough on their own, even more so considering the fact that you might have tried it in case you considered necessary. Those strategies additionally worked like a fantastic way to be sure that some people have a similar desire like my personal own to grasp much more when considering this matter. I am sure there are thousands of more enjoyable times in the future for individuals that view your blog.

  33. Definitely, what a great website and informative posts, I definitely will bookmark your blog.Best Regards!

  34. I would like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this website. I’m hoping the same high-grade website post from you in the upcoming as well. In fact your creative writing skills has inspired me to get my own website now. Really the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write up is a good example of it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.